Fess Up - what do you do that may stop you entering The Kingdom Of The Lord??

57Deluxe

I shot and killed two Rats this week.... fucking hate the things...

holnrew

I masturbate

57Deluxe

/\ in church??

ICBM

Not believing in God.

Guitar_Slinger

/\ off the top diving board?

(my Dad's joke about being kicked out for peeing in the pool).

TheBlueWolf

I masturbated in church this morning then went to my local swimming pool and had an asparagus pee off the top diving board.

snakemanStoo

Have fun

sinbaadi

Not killing witches.

Bucket

I treat gay people as equals.

rocktron

Now I am not a Bible thumper, but I've actually done something quite the opposite which may help me to pass through St. Peter's Pearly Gates unhindered, I hope.    

I bought a Holy Bible.  

I used to pester the local Reverend's son David, and his daughter Rachel for a Bible. David promised that when they received a new batch, he would put one aside for me. True to his word, he did, but he saved a New Testament instead of a Bible. It was black with gilt page edges, and gold lettering on the cover, the size of a small Collins dictionary. 

Now, years later, I bought a Holy Bible, King James Version which reminds me of that New Testament. 

There are so many versions available that it is tricky selecting the right one. I wanted one with the following specification:-
1. King James Version
2. Black Leather
3. Ribbon Marker
4. Gilt Page Edges
5. Thumb Index
6. Concordance and Maps
7. 12 Point Font Size

I got this:-   https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/KJV-REF-PERS-BLACK-BLTH-Personal-Size/031092202X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495990302&sr=8-1&keywords=9780310922025

http://www.eden.co.uk/shop/browse.php?category_id=3&colour=Black&additionalfeature[0]=Gilt+Edges&additionalfeature[1]=Thumb+Index

Sporky

Cool story.

littlegreenman

I don't always treat others as to that which I would like to be treated myself.

Sporky

My neighbours have a lovely ox.

nocasternoproblem

Atheism 

strumjoughlamps

I never know which their, they're or there to use; damnation for me.

ThePrettyDamned

Bucket said:

I treat gay people as equals.

Heathen. 

holnrew

I've kissed a man

fftc

When my neighbour laid my donkey I didn't make him buy my donkey and kill it. I just got it tested for chlamydia.

stickyfiddle

It's Ramadan. I had breakfast, lunch and 2 coffees during daylight hours. 

axisus

I'm a paid up member so I'm hoping to get let in. I do get lots of impure thoughts about shagging other women though. 

Jez6345789

well there was this one time at band camp :-)