Fess Up - what do you do that may stop you entering The Kingdom Of The Lord??

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  • MossMoss Frets: 2409

    Oh, their religions are the best
    They worship themselves yet they're totally obsessed
    With risen zombies, celestial virgins, magic tricks, these unbelievable outfits
    And they get terribly upset
    When you question their sacred texts
    Written by woman-hating epileptics

    Their languages just serve to confuse them
    Their confusion somehow makes them more sure
    They build fortunes poisoning their offspring
    And hand out prizes when someone patents the cure
    Where did they find these goons they elected to rule them?
    What makes these clowns they idolize so remarkable?
    These mammals are hell-bent on fashioning new gods
    So they can go on being godless animals

    Oh comedy, their illusions they have no choice but to believe
    Their horizons that just forever recede
    And how's this for irony, their idea of being free is a prison of beliefs
    That they never ever have to leave

    Now that's what I call pure comedy
    Stop crying, start buying
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  • MossMoss Frets: 2409
    I use 2 Devi Ever pedals regularly
    Stop crying, start buying
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  • ReverendReverend Frets: 4974
    Nitefly said:
    I used to do double denim.
    It's not too late to return to the true faith. 
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  • frank1985frank1985 Frets: 523
    I used to roll up spliffs with bible pages
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  • MyrandaMyranda Frets: 2940
    Visual studio has hands down the best c++ debugger ever made by several orders if magnitude. I keep a Windows VM around solely for deep debugging sessions where gdb or dbx would do my head in too much.
    Realised how easy a co-worker finds coding when I spotted over his shoulder he programs in Notepad++ then uses a command line compiler for everything...

    He doesn't get bugs...

    He spent an entire term being told "You wont be able to do that, it's not possible" by the lecturer to which every time his response was "no, I mean I've already done it - look" 

    Asked him "how are you so good?"

    "Oh I've been writing an operating system to do all sorts of computational maths ... blah blah functions... blah" 

    I am not this good at coding, so I am jealous... which is a thing I guess I'd not get past Peter for...

    Then while I think about it... I suppose, all of the things I do would probably keep me out of a heaven... I guess I need a buddy christ, an arch and a papal proclamation ... take that god!
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  • kossofffankossofffan Frets: 540
    I saw Venom at the Birmingham Odeon in '85.
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  • KebabkidKebabkid Frets: 3301
    I visit this place
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5700
    I always get revenge on my enemies.

    Might take a year or two, but I get revenge..

    Turn the other cheek and walk away. Bollocks to that.

    Remember the teabagging a tea mug incident.......

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • RocknRollDaveRocknRollDave Frets: 6435
    I eat too much. 

    Not that I think that's a mortal sin, just that I'm not sure I'll fit through the gates.....

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  • Flink_PoydFlink_Poyd Frets: 2490
    I agreed with something Piers Morgan said. God actually called me up and told me in person, he really was disappointed in me as he was looking for a guitarist for his new band. 
    Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.....


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  • IvisonGuitarsIvisonGuitars Frets: 6838
    edited May 2017 tFB Trader
    If ever I'm in a hotel and there's a bible in the bedside drawer, I take it out and sign the inside cover: "Best Wishes, Jesus Christ"....
    http://www.ivisonguitars.com
    (formerly miserneil)
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  • boogiemanboogieman Frets: 12314
    I own a Rolf Harris single. 
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5700
    boogieman said:
    I own a Rolf Harris single. 

    Hell won't even accept that, you'll be in purgatory forever.......

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • 57Deluxe57Deluxe Frets: 7329
    /\ but, at least he didn't insert it up his Bum like @holnrew does...
    <Vintage BOSS Upgrades>
    __________________________________
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  • holnrewholnrew Frets: 8207
    I have Rolf Harris' autograph
    My V key is broken
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5700
    ^^Did you stick that up your bum?

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • holnrewholnrew Frets: 8207
    mike_l said:
    ^^Did you stick that up your bum?
    Nah, it would destroy its value
    My V key is broken
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  • BridgehouseBridgehouse Frets: 24579
    proggy said:
    I'm 100% Atheist.
    I'm 100% agnostic. I think.
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  • DLMDLM Frets: 2513
    I got myself excommunicated from Roman Catholicism a few years ago. Cost me about €50.
    holnrew said:
    I have Rolf Harris' autograph

    I've got Jimmy Savile's! Still remember the smell of his cigar....
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