Anyone else get fed up / frustrated with their band(s)?

FarleyUK

As some of you might know, I'm in a couple of cover bands - one had been going for nearly 5 years, and the other is 2 years.

I've been getting increasingly frustrated with both of them - the 'main' band (the 5 year old one) had me doing everything; getting gigs, doing marketing, running Facebook, arranging the calendar and diaries, booking rehearsal, bringing spare cables etc. to gigs and so on.... Now this used to grate a bit, as the drummer was the only other one who would help and turn up on time, but I could deal with it. Now, however, the other guitarist has made himself unavailable pretty much every weekend fit the year, is completley unresponsive to emails, and seems to be learning the wrong versions and parts of songs (I'm tempted to say deliberately, but probably not).

I've asked him about it and he's just said he's busy.... But I work 13 hours a day, commute into London every day, have other hobbies and commitments and a second band - and yet I can manage everything.

I guess my question is - how do you know when it's time to call time on the band...? Just seems that if I didn't organise and push things, nothing would get done.

Sorry, rant over! I'd like to think you guys might understand where I'm coming from

Teetonetal

It's time to call it a day when it goes from enjoyable to chore.

Lestratcaster

I haven't played in as many cover bands but I've been in plenty of originals bands and I totally get what you mean when you have you to do everything. From organising the rehearsals to booking the gigs, and acting as the main spokesperson for the band. Its not a band if the others aren't doing their fair duties.

I've recently left a band because it stopped being fun and we weren't making much progress. Last year we only played 4 shows and had one new song which to me wasn't good enough. We were all super talented musicians with tons of experience between us, yet the basic stuff like writing songs and rehearsing regularly was so hard for some reason. 3 of us were self-employed so we had a bit more flexibility in taking time off for stuff like tours and recording but we didn't do much of that. With the others working til 5:30/6pm and the rehearsal rooms being at least an hour away (we all lived in separate towns) we never really made weekday evening rehearsals work. And with 2 members having missuses they chose to use weekends to spend their time with them. 

Weeks would go past and we'd do nothing, not even meet up as "people were busy". I'd try and get song demo'ing going but not once did it happen. We lost so much momentum people started to ask if we were still going. Also the inter-personal dynamics didn't feel right either which is another reason why I left. It just didn't feel like a group anymore, nothing I said was being heard/acted upon and I felt like a spare part.

I think in the end you know when its time to leave, if you didn't you wouldn't be writing the post!

spark240

Yep....I do an open mic type Acoustic covers thing, just 3 or 4 of us,  now and again we would have a party gig or similar.

Now...Im quite confident  to turn up and play, the others want to practice  it to death, which is fine...but you have to actually make time to do that !

We found ourselves doing nothing for weeks, then 4 nights full on practice before the gig....not fun...packed it in.  

Dopesick

Oh god yes.

The last couple of weeks or so it has REALLY turned into a pain in the arse. Couple of band members have had a major falling out and one is threatening to quit, but seeing as he's a drummer he's virtually gold dust (distinct lack of competent drummers in our area obviously) so I'm trying my best to make him stay. He's agreed but as long as he doesn't have to talk to our singer. What fun that will be. Like being a fucking primary school teacher sometimes. I've put a lot of time and effort into this band and we have a few gigs coming up as well as a steadily growing local following, so quitting is just not an option.

Dominic

Dreadful..........my last band made me feel like I spent 20 % of the time playing music and 80% playing mummy to a bunch of 55 year old men squabbling like children
Only Bassist was "normal"and vocalist v other guitarist was a weekly pantomime because the other guitar was an over-sensitive fragile ego and the vocalist was a rude,arrogant and strange prick -a real pain in the arse.

hubobulous

Dopesick said:

Oh god yes.

The last couple of weeks or so it has REALLY turned into a pain in the arse. Couple of band members have had a major falling out and one is threatening to quit, but seeing as he's a drummer he's virtually gold dust (distinct lack of competent drummers in our area obviously) so I'm trying my best to make him stay. He's agreed but as long as he doesn't have to talk to our singer. What fun that will be. Like being a fucking primary school teacher sometimes. I've put a lot of time and effort into this band and we have a few gigs coming up as well as a steadily growing local following, so quitting is just not an option.

I get that you've put a lot of hard work in and its beginning to show signs of bearing fruit, but be careful that you don't end up more disappointed in the future. If you've got two people in a band who don't talk, can you see it lasting? If you're the only one trying to get things patched up, what does that tell you about the other guys in the band and how much it matters to them?

'Quitting is just not an option' puts you in a very delicate position. I get that you don't want to pull out of the gigs that are arranged, but take stock before arranging any more. If its a ball ache, then why are you chasing it? Find others who care more.

RocknRollDave

I used to get very frustrated in my band due to a number of things, mostly stemming from having two alpha males in the band who, when they weren't butting heads with each other, tended to steer things very differently from how I would have prefered things to go.
That all changed when they both had major changes at work and needed to quit the band. Bassist also left, leaving me with the task of recruiting my own band and starting from scratch. Best thing that ever happened to me, bandwise.
Easier said than done, though. I have the advantage of the fact that wedding gigs pay well, so I was able to attract musicians on a level I just wouldn't have got if I had been offering pub band kind of money (and believe, me, I know that from experience too! No disrespect whatsoever to pub bands or pub musicians. I very much consider myself a pub-level musician punching above his weight here, in terms of the fees I get.)

slacker

Having been in many bands over the years I decided that unless I was depping or helping friends I would run the band. It's stopped all the politics, but I just dont have the drive and have done nothing this year. So my drummer is probably complaining about me on some percussion forum. 

The biggest problem IMHO is always leadership. Democracy only works if everyone agrees. Having a set leader only works if that leader can actually lead. There's always someone who doesnt learn the material, doesnt turn up to rehearsals, doesn't like the set, doesn't like someone etc etc. 

I've led two bands so far and in each case did all the work. In both cases I ran out of enthusiasm. 

Sometimes you have to put up with situations to function. The question is can you put up with them? If not leave, take the good ones or one with you and form a band. 

EricTheWeary

Every band has a dickhead, it's just a social role that someone will fit into. If there's no obvious dickhead in the band then it's probably yourself. I'm fairly sure it's me in my band. 

I think the only frustration I go back to with my band is that it isn't quite the concept I had in my head. Unless I'm personally responsible for every element I guess it never will be but there is that constant falling short of that expectation. When I was in other people's bands that didn't matter so much. We do maybe 15 paid gigs per year which isn't huge but I know if I followed my vision it would be none and even the other musicians wouldn't turn up, but y'know...

RocknRollDave

EricTheWeary said:

Every band has a dickhead, it's just a social role that someone will fit into. If there's no obvious dickhead in the band then it's probably yourself. I'm fairly sure it's me in my band. 

I think the only frustration I go back to with my band is that it isn't quite the concept I had in my head. Unless I'm personally responsible for every element I guess it never will be but there is that constant falling short of that expectation. When I was in other people's bands that didn't matter so much. We do maybe 15 paid gigs per year which isn't huge but I know if I followed my vision it would be none and even the other musicians wouldn't turn up, but y'know...

To be fair to your bandmates, there probably IS more of a market in the West Mids for Ska/ Reggae than there is for Surf/Blues fusion.

ESBlonde

@FarleyUK I read that and thought, guitarist has to go and new blood is needed.

I've said before that any successful band needs a driven person 9at all levels of the business). The likes of Ike Turner, James Brown, Mike Jagger etc. were big stars because of what they did off stage as much if not more than on stage. Plenty of people have 'talent' but that business sense with drive and organisation is what makes a band successful.

I've done the scene running a big band (8 piece) supplying and transporting the lights and PA, organising rehearsals and gigs, deps as applicable and replacements when people leave. Now I just turn up and play guitar in a different band, it's not all to my liking but I make suggestions and then shut up, someone else pulls it all together.

Dopesick

hubobulous said:

Dopesick said:

Oh god yes.

The last couple of weeks or so it has REALLY turned into a pain in the arse. Couple of band members have had a major falling out and one is threatening to quit, but seeing as he's a drummer he's virtually gold dust (distinct lack of competent drummers in our area obviously) so I'm trying my best to make him stay. He's agreed but as long as he doesn't have to talk to our singer. What fun that will be. Like being a fucking primary school teacher sometimes. I've put a lot of time and effort into this band and we have a few gigs coming up as well as a steadily growing local following, so quitting is just not an option.

I get that you've put a lot of hard work in and its beginning to show signs of bearing fruit, but be careful that you don't end up more disappointed in the future. If you've got two people in a band who don't talk, can you see it lasting? If you're the only one trying to get things patched up, what does that tell you about the other guys in the band and how much it matters to them?

'Quitting is just not an option' puts you in a very delicate position. I get that you don't want to pull out of the gigs that are arranged, but take stock before arranging any more. If its a ball ache, then why are you chasing it? Find others who care more.

Once we've passed this little spurt of gigs (last one is beginning of September) then we're going to discuss things more in detail. Changes may have to be made or they'll need to get over it basically. Like I said before though, finding others is quite difficult considering the style of music we play, and 90% of musicians in the area play guitar or bass.

I'll never stop though. It's not exactly taking up every last minute of my free time, we practice once a fortnight on average and this is the first real band I've been in where I am able to play the genres of music I truly enjoy the most.

EricTheWeary

RocknRollDave said:

EricTheWeary said:

Every band has a dickhead, it's just a social role that someone will fit into. If there's no obvious dickhead in the band then it's probably yourself. I'm fairly sure it's me in my band. 

I think the only frustration I go back to with my band is that it isn't quite the concept I had in my head. Unless I'm personally responsible for every element I guess it never will be but there is that constant falling short of that expectation. When I was in other people's bands that didn't matter so much. We do maybe 15 paid gigs per year which isn't huge but I know if I followed my vision it would be none and even the other musicians wouldn't turn up, but y'know...

To be fair to your bandmates, there probably IS more of a market in the West Mids for Ska/ Reggae than there is for Surf/Blues fusion.

Surf-blues-dub covers of The Leather Nun. It would be niche I grant you...

Funkfingers

FarleyUK said:

the other guitarist has made himself unavailable ... is completley unresponsive to emails ... , and seems to be learning the wrong versions and parts of songs (I'm tempted to say deliberately, but probably not). I've asked him about it and he's just said he's busy.

Your other guitarist is already well on the way to being replaced. 

One of the unpleasant aspects of leading a band is breaking bad news to colleagues. 

FarleyUK said:

... he's just said he's busy ... I work ... commute ... have other hobbies and commitments and a second band - and yet I can manage everything.

I guess my question is - how do you know when it's time to call time on the band...? Just seems that if I didn't organise and push things, nothing would get done.

Precisely. You come across as one of life's self-starter, organiser/doer types whereas some of your band colleagues are followers. Unfortunately, some of those who follow will resent "being told what to do" by those with initiative. They may express their discontent via by uncooperative behaviour.

Think of The Cream. Theoretically, a democracy of equals. In practice, Jack Bruce earned more than Baker or Clapton because he contributed the majority of the song material. When challenged, Bruce very reasonably argued, okay, bring your songs, we'll do them. Deafening silence. Tumbleweed. Band collapses - partly under the weight of egos but, mainly, because of how the music industry preferentially rewards writers.

Lestratcaster

EricTheWeary said:

Every band has a dickhead, it's just a social role that someone will fit into. If there's no obvious dickhead in the band then it's probably yourself. I'm fairly sure it's me in my band. 

I think the only frustration I go back to with my band is that it isn't quite the concept I had in my head. Unless I'm personally responsible for every element I guess it never will be but there is that constant falling short of that expectation. When I was in other people's bands that didn't matter so much. We do maybe 15 paid gigs per year which isn't huge but I know if I followed my vision it would be none and even the other musicians wouldn't turn up, but y'know...

Yep! Every one I've been in there's been at least one member I've not seen eye-to-eye with either musically or socially. The one I've just left had a member who just didn't connect. Far too obnoxious, arsey, late all the time and talked way too much. I accept his personality was very loud and outgoing but to spend the majority of practices listening to him moan about his life was a waste of time.
I couldn't stand practices as I knew he'd rock up late (dunno why he joined if he knew he lived up to 30 miles away) moan about the gear (he's got his own stuff which sounds good) and then about how tired he was before informing us who he shagged at the weekend. This is all before he took 20 minutes to noodle around to "get his sound". 

chillidoggy

Our previous drummer but one was a pain, everything was either black or white, and nothing in between. He'd made his mind up he wasn't prepared to gig more than once a month, and it didn't matter if we had none for two months, and then two in one month, he still wasn't about to do it.

Couple that with his complete reluctance to commit, for example we'd get offered a gig in say five month's time, and he'd say it was too far ahead for him to decide whether he wanted to do it. This would have been fine if he'd actually got us any gigs, but he never made any effort in that direction.

As expected, it came to a head, and we had a talk with him about it. He was totally unrepentant, and we carried on for a while before he told us he was quitting to join a punk rock band.

As it turned out, the particular band he'd joined was led by the guitarist, who was a total gig-slut, and he ended up doing two or three gigs a month, minimum. Seriously, you couldn't make it up. 

FarleyUK

Cheers for the responses guys It's heartening to know that there are others who understand my PoV!

It's a horrible situation; I've poured my heart and soul into this band - even designed T-Shirts for our tours etc. - but I think it's going to come to a head soon. As well as the other guitarist being difficult, the drummer only plays one groove, and never actually 'learns' the fills or unique parts of a song (i.e. - The Boys Are Back in Town is played as 4/4 rock instead of a bit of a swinging groove, and he can't play the drum fill in Town Called Malice during the break-down before coming back in to the verse).

I'll see how it goes, but my plan will be to not book any more gigs beyond what we have now, and then address the different issues face to face sometime soon. It kind of feels like leaving your first love

Lestratcaster

Its majorly frustrating when you know you're putting the most effort in, and the rest aren't pulling their weight. Usually I've been the hardest working/most committed/reliable one out of any group I've been part of. There are people out there who will share the same passion and drive as you, just gotta find 'em!!

Funkfingers

There is no shortage of people in bands who would like to call the shots but don't fancy the behind-the-scenes organisational grind that goes with that. 

There is also no shortage of people who do not enjoy a high proportion of the material on their band's set list but lack the initiative to organise anything more satisfactory.

It is always easier to moan about things and wait for somebody else to make it better than it is to set about making practicable changes oneself. 

Too many chiefs. Not enough Indians. Also, not enough bread in life's sandwich.

FarleyUK

Funkfingers said:

Too many chiefs. Not enough Indians. Also, not enough bread in life's sandwich.

I've got a wheat allergy, so that would explain that