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Cracker jokes...

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m_cm_c Frets: 1238
in Off Topic
So what's the best you've had then?

I'll start with, Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had low elf esteem...
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Comments

  • usedtobeusedtobe Frets: 3842
    No crackers this year.. :open_mouth: 
    I do love cracker jokes though..!
     so if you fancy a reissue of a guitar they never made in a colour they never used then it probably isn't too overpriced.

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  • The_EthicalThe_Ethical Frets: 27

    What did Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?

    Twerky!



    "When the train, it left the station, there was two lights on behind,
    Well, the blue light was my baby, and the red light was my mind.”
    Robert Johnson
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  • chillidoggychillidoggy Frets: 17136

    What's yellow, and leaps from cake to cake?


    Tarzipan.


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  • skunkwerxskunkwerx Frets: 6874
    Cracker jokes? How racialist! 

    Haha
    The only easy day, was yesterday...
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  • Flink_PoydFlink_Poyd Frets: 2490
    What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman?

    Frostbite!


    Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.....


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  • TonyRTonyR Frets: 908
    chillidoggy said:

    What's yellow, and leaps from cake to cake?


    Tarzipan.

    We had that one today as well!
    We are all Chameleons...
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  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 10267
    The_Ethical said:

    What did Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?

    Twerky!



    That is awful,but I still chuckled.
    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24287
    I suggested to a mate to remove all the cheesy crap jokes from his crackers and get some proper laugh-out-loud ones printed off and put them in once.  Went down a storm apparently!
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    I entered an astronomy competition the other day. I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize.

    Ever seen a goldfish bowl? To be honest I didn't even know they played cricket.

    I bought four Kindles from Amazon last week but all they sent me was a 'Best Of The Two Ronnies' DVD.

    My friend's Bakery burned down last night... Now his business is Toast.

    I’ve just paid £50 for 8 legs of venison. Is that too dear ?

    Just got home to find a package full of pygmies on my doorstep. Another Amazon mix up!

    I rang the RSPCA earlier to tell them I'd just found 6 badgers in a suitcase by the road.
    "Are they moving?" asked the operator.
    "I'm not certain," I replied, "but that would explain the suitcase...."

    I tried to sue the dairy farmer when one of his cows trod on my foot, but he said I was milking it.

    I won a garage door in a lottery - it was a roll over.

    I went to the cemetery yesterday and noticed 4 grave diggers wandering about with a coffin. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! .....

    Went to an Indian restaurant last night and had a pelican curry ?The food was excellent but the bill was enormous

    Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest man ever to have lived.... He was 193 and was called Miles from Dublin

    Went to a Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting last night. ..there were a lot of new faces

    A farmer I know fed his chickens whiskey. He was hoping they’d lay scotch eggs

    I was going to attend my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting today. But then I thought, ‘what’s the odds of that helping me’.

    PC World – you’ve got to be careful what you say in there.

    I got stung by a bee yesterday. Twenty quid for a jar of honey.



    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6674
    It's Friday, it's 5 to 5, and it's CrackerJoke! 
    feedback here
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  • AlexCAlexC Frets: 2396
    What did Gangsta Santa say to the three prostitures? ho, ho, ho!*

    *I made this up (obviously) and read it out as if it was the printed joke. Much appreciated. (No kids around, honest!)
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  • speshul91speshul91 Frets: 1397
    What do you get if you cross a skunk with a jingle bell?





    Jingle smells. 
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  • BellycasterBellycaster Frets: 5850
    merlin said:
    It's Friday, it's 5 to 5, and it's CrackerJoke! 
    CrackerJoke!

    :)
    Only a Fool Would Say That.
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  • FelineGuitarsFelineGuitars Frets: 11590
    tFB Trader

    Many guitars have a re-sale value. Some you'll never want to sell.
    Stockist of: Earvana & Graphtech nuts, Faber Tonepros & Gotoh hardware, Fatcat bridges. Highwood Saddles.

    Pickups from BKP, Oil City & Monty's pickups.

      Expert guitar repairs and upgrades - fretwork our speciality! www.felineguitars.com.  Facebook too!

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  • LesbianWithAGunLesbianWithAGun Frets: 785
    FelineGuitars said:
    I saw Slash though...
    Had it have been Bono, I might have went cat.
    (That's a cool hat and guitar though)..
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  • LesbianWithAGunLesbianWithAGun Frets: 785
    edited January 2018
    I actually had a dud this year... (I kept it though)
    I even googled it and others have had the same dud too...
    Here's one of what I got that somebody who got this one year shared..


    According to https://www.reddit.com/r/answers/comments/3v1mez/can_anyone_understand_and_explain_this_christmas/ / the internet; it's a misprint and should say 'Coffin medicine'..

    I got it, read it - was like 'eh?'
    So much so, I googled it.
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  • fandangofandango Frets: 2204
    LesbianWithAGun said:
    I actually had a dud this year... (I kept it though)
    I even googled it and others have had the same dud too...
    Here's one of what I got that somebody who got this one year shared..


    According to https://www.reddit.com/r/answers/comments/3v1mez/can_anyone_understand_and_explain_this_christmas/ / the internet; it's a misprint and should say 'Coffin medicine'..

    I got it, read it - was like 'eh?'
    So much so, I googled it.
    You sad man, you.
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