How on earth do you meet people these days?!

skunkwerx

You know the kind of girl who walks into the room, and every alarm bell in your body goes off, yet you still manage to leave with her number? 

Well thats all I ever hook up with. 

(I joke. The few ex’s i’ve had have ranged from seed stealing thundercunts to just mild psychotic types).  

Although its been 5 long years now.. 
Not so much as a flirt! 

Now I’ve tried the whole ‘don’t look and you’ll find’ thing.. usually rotating one year not looking, then one looking. 
So far I’ve yet to come home to Jess Glynne spread eagle on my fur rug. 

So not looking doesnt appear to actually work. 

Que looking... well what do you do? 
At the risk of sounding like a class A loser, I don’t have a social circle, or any mates bar 1 for that matter.. and shes a she, so hitting on birds down the local isnt her idea of a good time. 
Now I could go alone, but holy moly I feel like I’m not up for it! 

My work sucks, its retail so I’m there til 10pm every night including Sat + Sun without fail.. my ‘weekend’ is Weds + Thurs.. on which, well the bars are dead.. 

So I took to the online realms.. fuck me!
Tinder, pof, bumble, that other one etc.. 
I’ll swipe anything and everything just to see who matches... 

3. In 4 months. 3!!! 
Of those 3, one actually talked. She talked just enough for me to know I never wanted to talk to her again. 

Seems like a ridiculous way of meeting someone genuine anyway.. its like ‘rate my face, yes or no’. Im bald with a beard and a nose ring.. so not exactly most girls cuppa. 

I’ve thought about using a more serious platform, like the eharmonys etc.. but hot damn they’re like £40 a month which I’m a bit reluctant to piss up the wall. 

The thing that gets me is the bullshit  people say. They say I’m ‘attractive’, funny, kind etc.. but yet apparantly no ones attracted to. I’d rather they just be honest so I know what I can or can’t do! 

I feel stupid for even ranting about it, but at this stage, 5 years into the void, I feel freakin invisible or something. 

Getting a bit fed up of just amusing myself in the meantime waiting for something to happen.. 

richardhomer

I share your pain! I’ve tried the on-line thing - and I just can’t do it. I know it’s worked for loads of people but I just don’t like it - it feels like browsing Amazon to me.

I’ve made peace with the idea I may be single for the rest of my life as I just got so distressed by the thought of it, it was ruining my day to day experience. If I happen to meet someone, then well and good - but I honestly doubt I will.

ToneControl

2 ideas come to mind, I've been in a relationship since I was in my early 20s though, so these are just untested ideas:

1. On your evenings off work, enrol in evening classes in something popular with females: Spanish, pottery, art, etc
2. Get a makeover (i.e. a more conventional appearance). This would have reduced the length of gaps between my relationships I now realise

prowla

I think that online is just another way of meeting people, who you may never have seen otherwise.

As with real-life, you'll find that sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

EricTheWeary

ToneControl said:

2 ideas come to mind, I've been in a relationship since I was in my early 20s though, so these are just untested ideas:

1. On your evenings off work, enrol in evening classes in something popular with females: Spanish, pottery, art, etc
2. Get a makeover (i.e. a more conventional appearance). This would have reduced the length of gaps between my relationships I now realise

When I was younger my mother used to get Woman magazine every week. I used to read Virginia Ironside’s agony column and one week there was a letter about being a young man and finding it hard to meet anyone ( pre internet days these) . It wasn’t written by me but it really could have been. The advice was of the ‘do an evening class, do voluntary work, get new interests’ type and there were some addresses. I wasn’t  (and still am not) Mr Pro-active but I did some of what she suggested and it lead to new interests and feeling better about myself and to meeting new people including women who were up for a snog. Regardless of the snogging part I went from some of the worst days of my life to some of the best and ,oddly enough, less anxious  about being single because I felt happier in myself and less worried about trying to find someone to fill that gap. 
Of course these days, on the odd occasions I gig, I find with playing guitar in a ska covers band I’m beating them off with a stick...

martin8708

Some of my female colleagues at work are single , and when I watch them do the tinder / plenty of fish thing on their phones at lunch time , I'm amazed at their reasons for rejecting men .

It goes , oh I don't like his shoes ( swipe ) 
oh , he's got dog ( swipe ) 
oh , he's blonde / ginger / black hair  ( swipe ) 

They all seem to be pursuing some sort of Calvin Klein model , yet they themselves are nowhere near model material themselves.    ( and they are still single ) 

One of the reasons I learnt guitar is because I thought it would help pull the women ( same as Billy Joel ) , but after 30 years of pub gigs , I only pulled one women ( and she was on some "mood stabilising " drug ) 

It's tough meeting people these days , most people live their lives through their phones 

Emp_Fab

I think you should write some poetry...  Women are suckers for poetry.

Back in my dating days I had quite a lot of success with this one....

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I've got a knife
Get in the van.

DiscoStu

I became single a few years ago and had no idea what I'd do, being in my 40s. I'm quite good at speaking to randoms in pubs so I'd go to the pub (more often than I should have) and met a few lovely girls but they didn't lead to anything.

After much persuasion (from female friends in fact) I joined Tinder. Here's my Tinder experience:
Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.
Boy says hello.
Girl doesn't reply.
Like, every bloody time. It turns out that being polite and saying hello isn't how you're meant to use Tinder. It's all a big game and if you don't play it right then you lose. You have to be a player, say things in a certain way, use certain phrases and code; basically not be yourself, be polite, or speak naturally.

Gave up on it and tried PoF. Got a date within a week. Got another couple of dates over the next couple of months. They were all great girls but there wasn't a spark. And then I saw a familiar face with a cracking smile...
A girl I used to speak to years ago at a pub quiz was on PoF. She'd moved away for her work but we started chatting about how shit online dating was, met up for a coffee, and clicked instantly. 3 years later and we're now living together and it's brilliant. She's the best thing that's happened to me.

So online dating worked for me but I think I got lucky. I'm definitely more of an old skool down-the-pub kinda guy but if your work stops you from doing pubs at the weekend then you need to find another way of socialising in your free time. What about a running club? Gym? Open Mic night? Midweek pub quiz? Lots of people of both sexes in these groups.
Have you got a dog? I used to get hellos from loads of strangers when I was walking my old dog.

Hang in there, it'll come good when the time is right. First Dates are taking new applications just now!

57Deluxe

OP - you only meet girls like that if you fit as fuck, tatts, intense groomed hair ~23, rippped and vacuous cos any intelligent convo or SOH intimidates younguns to the point of aggression nowadays...

You best just look at the fatties who already have a kid and no job prospects.

Oh and waiting can be a lifetime... is THE one constant.... waiting, watching the years tick by, the hair going, eyes dimming, waist getting bigger, penis getting smaller...

Still, bonus is - seeing those girls you fancied to death when younger looking gross as fuck now. SBTB and DAB!

spark240

Get on that Davina show....this time next year I want to be ....with a bird.

57Deluxe

/\ or naked attraction - if a geeze with no legs can get picked then you should have a chance

interstellar

I also thought going somewhere in Scandanavia  would be a great move, no basis in fact at all but just a Hunch

Kilgore

Poorly lit car parks.

guitarfishbay

Join some clubs and just chat to people, be yourself and make some friends. Either you meet someone, or eventually you’ll meet someone through a new friend you’ve made. It’s not something you can rush IMO, and it’s nice having more friends 

boogieman

Yup, I feel the pain. I worked in a company where 99% of the workforce were blokes, so no chance of meeting anyone that way. I hardly drink and I’m not terribly outgoing anyway so chatting up anyone in pubs and bars was out. My circle of friends consists of a fair number of women but because I’ve known most of them for years through the music scene it never seemed right to hit on them. I was single for two years when I split with my ex and pretty much resigned to getting old alone. 

I was persuaded to try online dating eventually. Plenty of Fish looked to be full of players and free loaders so I ended up going for a paid site (Guardian soulmates) working on the principle that any woman willing to put in a bit of investment wasnt going to piss me about too much. It was £20 a month at the time, no idea what the costs are now. 

I got loads of dates, even though I was in my late 50s, overweight, bald and not exactly George Cloony. Most were really nice people and I had some fun times, although you do have to reckon on meeting the occasional fruitcake. You’ll also find out that some people think that putting a profile photo up from 1987 isn’t deemed as somehow, errrr.... wrong. After the first few dates you get an instant feeling for what’s going to work or not.

I met the woman who eventually became my wife after about 18 months. We clicked instantly and I proposed after 5 months. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me: very good looking, funny, intelligent and a really lovely personality. 

Go for it. It does work 

usedtobe

I think my daughter met her latest on one of those swipey phone apps. It’s looking like they’ll make a go of it, too. I know for a lot of people, they’re no kind of answer.
 I met my wife at work, just short of 30 years ago, and at 56, if I suddenly found myself single, I’d be alone and probably very lonely for what remained of my time..
That wasn’t much help, was it...

bodhi

Borrow someone's bulldog puppy or cute baby and stand around outside a busy railway station looking vaguely lost and see how they come flocking like the salmon of Capistrano.

sev112

Art galleries

you get to speak to all sorts of lovely people there 

Bygone_Tones

skunkwerx said:

I don’t have a social circle, or any mates bar 1 for that matter..

My work sucks..

This is your problem. Sort the rest of your life out first and look for a relationship last. Not the other way around.

Instead of thinking about what you can get, think about what you can offer.

Looks are way less important to girls than they are to guys (thankfully). So even if you use online dating, very few girls are going to be interested if you have no social life, no interests of your own, and are not on a career path that you are passionate about, have no ambitions etc. Thats the stuff that's attractive to women.

Try and do at least one social activity per week, take up something new maybe. Find a better job that you do like and can talk about with passion, or at least have a career in the pipeline that you are working towards getting.

"Where to meet girls" is a silly question, they are everywhere, billions of them, you just need the courage to go talk to them.

Fwiw being in a bar with a mate who is a girl will work in your favour a lot more than being with other guys, and the more attractive she is, the better.

Alnico

Get out of retail.
It will not only kill you but it will also kill your lifestyle and any chance of happiness dead.

When you see a girl you like just talk to her.
If you want a date, ask for one there and then. Most Women will be knocked out that someone had the guts to do it and you'll be surprised how many say yes.

Women who set themselves up on dating apps are mostly just bored and looking for 'Mr Perfect' so avoid them.

You have a guitar!
This is exactly how guitars work, you just need to be in the right place at the right time and in retail isn't it.

5 years?
Blame your damn job, get a new one and have a life...or don't!
Your call man.

You only have one short life.

ourmaninthenorth

I've been with the same Woman for going on 25 years, it still remains a constant source of mystery why she has anything the fook to do with me. 

For those alone, who don't want to be, stay alert for "that" moment, it'll come.

Look out, not in. 

All the best.