Out of the Mouths of Babes......

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  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 10229

    Oh,and same son once asked,

    "Is that when someone does rude things to kids"

    when overhearing us talking about Philadelphia (the cheese).

    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
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  • My wee lad when he was about 4,had a bit of a wobbly "R" when he spoke....a la Jonathan Woss......So,We went to a couple of those indoor play areas. They were called "Snakes and Ladders" & "Wayne's World"....so he asks me "Daddy,why is it it called snakes & ladders"?....I said...."well it's just a name son,like,whys Wayne's World called Wayne's World?....and he said "cos that's were you go on wayney days!!" 
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  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6598
    My friends' 2 year old daughter used to refer to chocolate as "cock lick". 
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  • monofinmonofin Frets: 1118
    I remember my dad taking me to a scrapyard back in the days when you actually removed the parts from the cars yourself.
    He'd got a nice haul of parts, some he tucked away in his toolbox leaving just a few to take into the office and pay for. 
    On hearing my dad state that he'd just got these bits to pay for to the guy behind the counter little me piped up "Dad, you've forgotten about all the stuff in your toolbox"

    If looks could kill.......
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  • monofinmonofin Frets: 1118
    Ooh
    Then there was the time my mum took me to Coventry on the train (where she came from). When we got off at Birmingham I saw for the first time ever a guy in a turban, strolled up to him and asked what had happened to his head
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  • Me and my lad were in a changing room in the swimming baths, he was about 8.

    There was a guy with his kid in next door booth.  Not sure how old his kid was I never saw them, but by the sound of his voice I'd guess around 4.

    Very loudly, the kid said "Daddy, why have you got 2 willies?"
    The dad "I havn't.  Shh, just get ready"
    "But yes you have daddy, you have TWO WILLIES"
    The dad getting embarresed and exasperated "Will you please just get dressed"
    Quiet for a memoment, then, "Daddy, you have got 2 willies.  I can see them.  1, 2.  Look, 2 willies!"
    "SHHHHHH.  GET DRESSED PLEASE!!!!"

    By this point me and the lad were pissing ourselves.  He kept looking at me saying "2 Willies?"

    Now a year or 2 later, we still bring it up and burst out laughing.

    I never saw the guy or his kid, and I never found out if he was indeed double dicked or his son was in some way confused with what he saw.  But it was funny.
    I took my six year-old to the Natural History Museum on Saturday and there was a naked caveman in the evolution part. His ballbag was smooth and hanging down next to his little chap, so it did look like he had two cocks. I spent the rest of the visit listening out for kids shouting "TWO WILLIES?" :)
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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 12255
    My son who is autistic says stuff all the time that most people would keep to themselves.  My wife was in traffic one day with him and a man walked out of a pub followed by another chap who punched the first bloke decking him and walked off.  As the first man picked up his pride and got up he heard my son shouting "Ha ha look mum he fell over, you fell over!"

    He often asks people to leave our house because he doesn't like strangers.  I was in smyths toyshop and one of the staff said to him "if you fill in this card with your details you can have a catalogue and you might win a prize" my son replied "He wants my personal information dad, stranger danger, stranger danger!"
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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16253
    A couple from Eric Jr:

    MrsTheWeary was pregnant with his younger brother and we were attending some pre natal thing. Eric Jr points at a woman in full burkha and shouts ' why can't we see that mummy's face!?!'  No, my son is not Boris Johnson. 

    A couple of years later on he wanted to join Boys Brigade. Which was fine but you do get suckered into some church attendance. So, first church attendance, first hymn and Eric Jr sings along in a loud voice using only the words ' oh God oh Goddy Goddy God' and we got a few looks. 


    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
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  • DLMDLM Frets: 2513
    underdog said:
    Another one from when my son was toddler. He has a fascination with small vans, not transit type vans but like the old escort vans. To him they weren't a van or a car but somewhere in between.

    So anytime we'd be out and about he shout out pointing "vancar, vancar, look there's a vancar" Just sounded like we had an abusive German kid with us.
    @underdog For reference, here are a couple of genuine "Wank* cars" in Germany:


    *pronounced "vank"
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  • I remember as a child asking my great grandma why she had a moustache.

    Also remember asking my granddad if he has killed anyone in the war.
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  • KebabkidKebabkid Frets: 3301
    When my son was around 4, he looked out into the garden and saw 2 foxes shagging. As his reference point at that age was trucks, cars, buses he shouted "Double-Decker Foxes"!

    Also, around the same age, he was suspicious of having his hair washed as it was called Shampoo

    That's my boy! :)
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  • fobfob Frets: 1430
    A few years ago my cousin's daughter asked her about the 'birds and the bees'. As she was only about 7 or 8 my cousin decided to be honest but keep to a very simple, factual explanation. When she'd finished her young daughter looked at her with utter contempt and said 'My daddy wouldn't do that!' 
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
    When my boy was around 2 yrs old he use to like numbers and trying to count things. Once we pulled up at some traffic lights and he started shouting "wanker, wanker, wanker" and pointing excitingly out the side window. When I looked I saw that an old lady had just pulled up next to us in her Nissan Micra. It was then that I realised he was saying "one car, one car, one car"....
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  • BigMonkaBigMonka Frets: 1763
    Kebabkid said:

    Also, around the same age, he was suspicious of having his hair washed as it was called Shampoo

    When my daughter was little she got the words mixed up and used to call it "showerpoo". That tickled me so much that I still call it that  :)
    Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman, in which case always be Batman.
    My boss told me "dress for the job you want, not the job you have"... now I'm sat in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
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  • Although it was over 20 years ago, I still remember going shopping with my mother when my daughter (who was about 2 at the time) said "It's fxxking raining". We were quick to explain that she couldn't possibly have heard that from us.

    It's not a competition.
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  • David5150David5150 Frets: 118

    My 2 year old daughter really likes that bloody kick kick kick cartoon song

    Sadly she can't say stick

    But she can say Dick........over and over again........every time she sees a television

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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3576
    My little sister was 55 last month. I still rib her about words she used as an ickle gurl.

    Kebwobs for Cobwebs and Gissbiks for biscuits, apparantly my mother informs me I wore 'blubs' on my hands in winter!
    Also in those far off black and white days, Watch with mother was the only childrens tv. Bill and Ben being a big favourite of ours. My older brother is a Billy and I insisted on being called Bendy so we could be Billy and Bendy. As a twist many years later he was a squaddie and became famous in the ranks for breaking an unbreakable ariel mast by tightening it down too hard, thereafter he was known as Bendy Bill.
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  • @ESBlonde in similar manner my little sister ate ollimets for breakfast and once got excited about seeing a Hodgeheg. She is now a Grandma ...
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
    heh heh my wee Sister would call caterpillars callaseeps
    tae be or not tae be
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  • jonnyburgojonnyburgo Frets: 12258
    edited August 2018
    We were staying at a BnB once in Blackpool that was owned by an Asian guy, we were sat giving our order to the guy at Breakfast time when my daughter who as probably 2 or 3 said “why has he got a dirty face?” My child is not a racist, just putting it out there. It was excruciating.
    "OUR TOSSPOT"
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