I'm interviewing someone today

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  • 57Deluxe57Deluxe Frets: 5406
    edited June 14
    'what music do you like?' cos you might have to live with it if he likes it blaring whilst he's working!
    <Vintage BOSS Upgrades>
    __________________________________
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    I quite like that.

    Though I might change it to "what's half of 59... in hexadecimal?". Hex is surprisingly useful. Or I could see if they can do basic trig in their head. Or, more usefully, convert the scale from a floorplan at A4 that should have been printed at A1...
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • DiscoStuDiscoStu Frets: 2770
    For my previous line of work (optics) being able to divide numbers such as 59 by half was a vital part of the job. I was asked the question during my interview (I got the answer right first time btw) and it stuck with me. When I took over as manager years later I decided to use it during my interviews and it does really shake some people up!
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  • Phil_aka_PipPhil_aka_Pip Frets: 8443
    randella said:
    One question on which all of life hinges, not just a job interview:











    "Bigsby or Floyd Rose?"
    To which the answer is, of course, "Stop Tailpiece"
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • randellarandella Frets: 1739
    randella said:
    One question on which all of life hinges, not just a job interview:











    "Bigsby or Floyd Rose?"
    To which the answer is, of course, "Stop Tailpiece"
    @Phil_aka_Pip - thanks for your time, we'll be in touch.

    Steve will show you out.
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  • HattigolHattigol Frets: 437
    I went for an interview. The guy said 'what are your weaknesses?'.

    I said 'Probably honesty'.

    He said 'I don't really view honesty as a weakness'.

    I said 'I don't give a f**k what you think'.
    "Anybody can play. The note is only 20%. The attitude of the motherf*cker who plays it is  80%" - Miles Davis
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  • randellarandella Frets: 1739
    edited June 14
    .
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  • ZoolooterZoolooter Frets: 214
    God almighty, glad I'm self employed. Most of this is utter bollocks. 
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  • LuttiSLuttiS Frets: 693
    I don't like job applicants. I like appliCANS!
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  • Phil_aka_PipPhil_aka_Pip Frets: 8443
    I've just had a telephone interview. To be fair the chap didn't ask me about "strengths and weaknesses" in so many words, for which he has my respect. Instead, he asked me what I thought I did best, and what previously executed tasks gave me the most trouble. Fair do's, I tried to give him honest answers.

    I got on OK with him so I didn't feel inclined to use any of my stock put-down answers to silly HR-type questions. He was a senior engineer. I hope not to have to talk to HR types other than to give them my NI number should I start working there.
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • hasslehamhassleham Frets: 246
    edited June 14
    Comment went wrong on my phone!
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  • hasslehamhassleham Frets: 246
    skunkwerx said:
    I had an interview recently where the fucking bellend opened with ’How would you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?’

    Apparently every sensible human based answer was wrong, and meant you were unfit for the job. 

    Turns out you had to tell them what they wanted to hear which was ‘I’d open the door and put it in’. 

    This shows you’ll do whatever they ask, because you can do anything regardless of if the tasks even fucking possible let alone plausible. 

    Are you fucking serious? 
    I’m glad I didnt get that job because I’m cool working down here on planet fucking Earth. 

    All for a nights and weekend retail job that ‘meets minimum wage’. 

    Fuck off. 



    Then get this!

     Earlier in the year after no less than 3 pissing online assessments, a skype call and a maths test,  I woke up early, put my big boy pants on and drove 54 miles to a holiday inn located south of bum fuck nowhere to pay £15.50 for all day parking for this ‘all day’ assessment, only to sit through a gloating pricks life history and a bunch of fake smiles to be kicked out at 10am after the first fucking ‘test’. 

    Know what the test was? 

    Jenga. 

    Motherfucking jenga. 

    How fuck face international recruitment  can judge my ability to sell vehicles on behalf of the actual employer based on my ability to play jenga, is so so far beyond me. 

     I’m now in my big boy pants in a suit and tie with the top buttons of my shirt undone and my belt half off, sat legs akimbo with my nike trainers on, on the kerb in the corner of a motel car park eating the cold chicken nuggets I brought with me for lunch whilst half smoking a roll up and attempting to work out my life and my way home, looking like a bag of smashed asshole at 10am all the while conjuring up new ways to tell my dad I wasnt good enough. 

    I’d love to turn up in these peoples homes on occasion, just so I could shit in locations that would leave them confused. 

    Stuff like this is why I’m now self employed.
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    I didn't make him play Jenga either.

    Seemed fairly good; needs some more technical depth and product knowledge but the core smarts are there.
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • crunchmancrunchman Frets: 3357
    Can he get on with people? Technical knowledge is great but if he can't get on with anyone.  Think of all the handbags that used to surround a certain ex-member here.  He definitely had more technical knowledge than almost anyone else here, but look at some of the arguments he got into.

    I've employed two or three people in my time that I have lived to regret.  The ones with personality issues were a lot more problems than the ones who were technically weak.
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  • TheMarlinTheMarlin Frets: 1262
    edited June 14
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 
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  • Paul_CPaul_C Frets: 4028
    TheMarlin said:
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 

    Was the answer to weigh the room, then remove the elephant and weigh it again ?
    CEO ACME Moats Inc.
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  • skunkwerxskunkwerx Frets: 935
    TheMarlin said:
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 
    I’d have just walked out at that point. 

    Do they want to do the job in hand and make money like adults or fuck about all day thinking up psychological fictional scenario bullshit that another business has sold them. 

    Imagine the bollocks working for people like that. 

    ‘Hi Mr Manager, I think I’ve been underpaid this month, or I have a customer with a complaint or I’d like to book some holiday or I’ve been in an accident and can’t get in today’

    ‘Well think about the giant wasp thats on the loose, ransacking the city, killing people all kinds of dead. Your giant net has a hole in it, how do you cope?’




    Hell nah.  
    The only easy day, was yesterday...
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  • skunkwerx said:
    I had an interview recently where the fucking bellend opened with ’How would you put a giraffe in a refrigerator

    The only sensible answer to this question is to set the fire extinguisher off in the interviewer’s face.
    Link to my trading feedback: http://thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/58787/
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 1992
    Sporky said:
    I didn't make him play Jenga either.

    Seemed fairly good; needs some more technical depth and product knowledge but the core smarts are there.

    Aha, so it was emp_fab!

    Grown most uncommonly fat!
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    crunchman said:
    Can he get on with people? Technical knowledge is great but if he can't get on with anyone.
    Well, he got on with me. If he can manage that he'll be fine.

    He didn't get upset at being corrected on a couple of things, and he was happy saying when he didn't agree or wanted clarification.

    He's after the top end of the salary range though; on the one hand I'm not sure he's got the technical knowledge to justify that  but in the other he'd pick it up quickly and we can afford it, so why not. 
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • HattigolHattigol Frets: 437
    TheMarlin said:
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 
    Isn't the answer just to say nothing on account of it being the elephant in the room?
    "Anybody can play. The note is only 20%. The attitude of the motherf*cker who plays it is  80%" - Miles Davis
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    edited June 15
    Surely you hang a pendulum next to it, compensate for the Coriolis effect and work out the elephants mass from its gravitational field, which can be calculated by the deflection of the pendulum. 

    Once you know the elephant's mass you can work out its weight fairly easily. 
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • TheMarlinTheMarlin Frets: 1262
    Paul_C said:
    TheMarlin said:
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 

    Was the answer to weigh the room, then remove the elephant and weigh it again ?
    I said that I would lead the elephant to a pool brimmed with water, submerge it, then measure the displaced water when the elephant is submerged.  Archimedes Principle. 

    They also made me do ‘train A leaves point X at 90mph, and train B leaves point Y at 75mph. If they meet in 75 minutes, how long is the track’.
    Plus other ‘critical thinking’ questions. They asked me little to do with my years of experience actually doing the job. 
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  • olafgartenolafgarten Frets: 1325
    LuttiS said:
    I don't like job applicants. I like appliCANS!

    That sounds like something somebody on the apprentice would say.
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  • LuttiSLuttiS Frets: 693
    LuttiS said:
    I don't like job applicants. I like appliCANS!

    That sounds like something somebody on the apprentice would say.
    Nah they'd up it even more...

    I'm an applican' who works outside of the box to action the coconuts growing under some blue-sky thinking raised by a thought shower delivered by looking under the bonnet and seeing that i can sing from a hymn sheet. I also have a tiny massive penis and like to shake hands and slap bottoms.  
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    You forgot to say "imagineering". 
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 12791
    edited June 15
    Well, he's coming on for the second interview on Monday, with Stinky Doug and the account manager with whom he would work most often. I have recommended hiring him.

    Bit of a relief as the other 5 CVs I had were total no-hopers. 
    Be your own evil twin. 
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  • Modulus_AmpsModulus_Amps Frets: 426
    Hattigol said:
    TheMarlin said:
    I had nearly a dozen interviews for Amazon. One question I was asked was:

    there is is an elephant in a room. The scales are broken, how do you weigh the elephant?

    They liked my answer, but gave the job to someone half my age for half the money. 
    Isn't the answer just to say nothing on account of it being the elephant in the room?
    Amazon sell Elephants, bloody hell you can buy anything online these days.
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  • randellarandella Frets: 1739
    Amazon sell Elephants
    And I bet they'd still manage to find a box ten times the size it needed to be in order to ship one.
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  • FreebirdFreebird Frets: 728
    skunkwerx said:
    I had an interview recently where the fucking bellend opened with ’How would you put a giraffe in a refrigerator
    After careful deliberation, it's obvious that it has to go in head first.
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