Quips from the band/audience

rsvmark

With props to @exocet who posted this:
 recalling a quip from Miles Hunt of the Wonderstuff at a gig in the early 90's. In response to an agitated member of the audience throwing things at the band, Miles retorted with "Don't bother chucking that at me, I'm a rock star and I've got 10 of everything you've got".

Mine is Michael Hutchence @ Wembley who told the crown not to ‘ throw things as it’s fucking stuipid’ And received an Apple launched from halfway right is the niagras for his trouble.

what funny quips or heckles can you add?

Paul_C

I played (bass) on the acoustic stage at a local festival just before the headline act went on, the aforementioned Miles Hunt.

By the time we finished there were at best half a dozen people watching, and as I left the stage I said to him "We've got them nicely warmed up for you".

To his credit, he laughed.

To match your second story, I saw Gary Moore supporting Marillion at Milton Keynes Bowl, and he got very annoyed by people chucking things, he said something like "if anyone throws another bottle, we're off" and seconds later was hit squarely on the guitar by a football. They stayed on.

At the same gig there was an ambulance which passed across in front of the stage in a hail of plastic bottles, and a friend of mine was struck by half a roast chicken, which came at him out of the sun and hit him on the head. Also a bloke who spent the whole afternoon drinking in the hot sun, and fell asleep just as Marillion came on, sleeping through most of their set.

thumpingrug

There is a lot of chat between band and audience at Marillion gigs, but, and its a bit childish, some one will always shout a request for "Grendel" at every gig.  usually to a swift "Fuck off" from Steve Hogarth.  All very good humoured but if done at the right time still very funny.

west

The classic from David lee roth in 1984  @ donnington who in an absolute hail of plastic bottles most filled with piss said "dont be throwing that shit up here on stage or i'll come down there and fuck ALL your girlfriends !"  ... the crowd roared ... it was a great day glad i got to see van halen with DLR .....

Emp_Fab

I once went to a charity show compered by this twat....



He was combative with the audience from the start, and not in a funny way, but a "I'm better than you, you plebs" way.  Singularly unfunny, got heckled, threw his toys out of the pram and ended the show by singling out a woman who had light-heartedly heckled him a couple of times by saying nastily "and YOU..... (points), You're just a spiteful cunt" then walked off stage.

What a monumental bell end.

Funkfingers

Paul_C said:

Milton Keynes Bowl ... spent the whole afternoon drinking in the hot sun

At the 1982 Six Of The Best concert, some audience members expressed their displeasure at the inclusion of Talk Talk on the bill by lobbing *repurposed* plastic cider bottles at the stage. Small wonder that Mark Hollis usually seems pissed off.

LuttiS

At Flight of the Conchords they said - We're from new Zealand so most of the world doesn't understand us, we have trouble asking for a pen in most places.. You're from Liverpool so we don't know what you're saying so if you want to heckle us probably best to write it down and pass to security so they can bring it to us.


Also at Wildhearts at Download in 2008, the Band before (Biffy Clyro maybe?) were being bottled off stage, so when Wildhearts came on they went with it.. Started challenging everyone to throw things at them too. Made jokes about getting the next band bottled too (Who's on after us? Who? Children of Bottom? Hmm.. not sure they need any more bottles). In the end everything not nailed down was thrown up on stage. They were catching it and throwing back while playing. The set was cut short as the crowd started trying to throw the sound booth up on stage. My mates mobile phone also got caught by Ginger.
Still one of my all time favourite gigs. 

Rocker

When I go to a gig, I go to hear the band perform. If anything like the above happened, I would leave there and then. Has not happened yet....

scrumhalf

Just before his Reading gig in 1982 Gary Moore did one or more warm-up gigs at the Marquee. The support was a "poet" called Eddie Steady Go. A bigger mismatch you could not find. He kept having a go at the audience, who hated him because:

a) he kept having a go at them, and

b) he was really, really shit.

It wasn't long before the audience was also in Reading warm-up mode and the plastic beer glasses were flying through the air aimed at the poet's head.

After a few minutes of this a huge bloke jumped onto the stage in front of the now damp support act and stuck his hand out. "STOP!" he yelled.

The poet smiled.

"You're getting beer all over Ian Paice's drumkit!"

The poet stopped smiling and slunk off.

BTW, Gary Moore was superb.

munckee

To be fair the Milton Keynes Bowl has nowhere to get shade, I was there for REM in 95 supported by Blur and people were getting sunstroke and all drinks stands ran out of soft drinks by early afternoon,

"He was combative with the audience from the start, and not in a funny way, but a "I'm better than you, you plebs" way.  Singularly unfunny, got heckled, threw his toys out of the pram and ended the show by singling out a woman who had light-heartedly heckled him a couple of times by saying nastily "and YOU..... (points), You're just a spiteful cunt" then walked off stage."

I was at the comedy store years ago where Phil Jupitus dies on his backside and kept arguing with the crowd and threatening to have the security staff kick peoples teeth out.  He slunk off at the end and I was near the side and he said to someone "well that was a f''''''ing disaster!"

ESBlonde

One of my first concert experiences was probably 1974/5 when I travelled to Essex to see After the Fire. They were using a huge Epicentrum PA and it was f@c#ing loud (those were the days). In addition the audience had a large contingent of Jesus people who complained about the noise. St Johns Ambulance crew had a huge ball of cotton wool and passed it out, it was bigger than a kitchen roll to give it scale and it moved up and down the rows while people took some yo stuff in thier ears.
Anyway the band commented about the noise being hard for some people and someone waved the cotton wool, Andy Piercy proclaimed "you'll not get all that in your ear luv".
Strange how incidents like that stick in the mind for decades.

EricTheWeary

munckee said:

To be fair the Milton Keynes Bowl has nowhere to get shade, I was there for REM in 95 supported by Blur and people were getting sunstroke and all drinks stands ran out of soft drinks by early afternoon,

"He was combative with the audience from the start, and not in a funny way, but a "I'm better than you, you plebs" way.  Singularly unfunny, got heckled, threw his toys out of the pram and ended the show by singling out a woman who had light-heartedly heckled him a couple of times by saying nastily "and YOU..... (points), You're just a spiteful cunt" then walked off stage."

I was at the comedy store years ago where Phil Jupitus dies on his backside and kept arguing with the crowd and threatening to have the security staff kick peoples teeth out.  He slunk off at the end and I was near the side and he said to someone "well that was a f''''''ing disaster!"

My son’s girlfriend was here the other weekend and watching Britain’s Got Talent ( I’ve never watched it before) and there was a comedian on it who was struggling with hecklers. I saw him at a club in Birmingham a couple of years ago and he just swore at people in response to any heckle which, of course, just lead to more heckles. He really needs some friendly advice that this is not the job for him. 

gubble

Gary Moore (again). Stopped mid song and singled out the guy who kept yelling "Gazza" at him to explain colourfully his dislike of being called that.

I also witnessed the infamous Daphne & Celeste Leeds Festival performance - I never knew so many bottles of urine could exist !

scrumhalf

This goes way back. At the Roundhouse in ?1977? I think it was The Shirts who were onstage and the audience decided to let them collect all of the empties. The girl singer stopped the band and said "one more and we're going off".

Lots of "one more" followed and they left.

On stage climbed a young Spizz with his notebook and he went through his repertoire. History was made.

Jonathangus

Mark Knopfler with the Notting Hillbillies, Reading Hexagon, 1990:

Guy heckling between songs, going on about Brian Setzer.  "Damn fine guitarist.  I love you as well, Mark."  To which MK replies, "I love you too, darling."

Eventually culminates with him exhorting Mark to "play Sultans of Swing, you old bastard."  He's had enough by this point, and simply comes out with, "Look, there's a thousand of us and one of you.  Just shut the fuck up."

When the applause dies down, he adds, "I am an old bastard, though, that is accurate."

Reverend

I went to Reading 92 for the Sunday. It was knee deep in mud, a lot of which was being thrown around. The drummer from the Lunachicks was at the side and was throwing a lot back. In the end one of L7 threw her tampon out as well. 

axisus

thumpingrug said:

There is a lot of chat between band and audience at Marillion gigs, but, and its a bit childish, some one will always shout a request for "Grendel" at every gig.  usually to a swift "Fuck off" from Steve Hogarth.  All very good humoured but if done at the right time still very funny.

I remember their first year of success, the shouts were "play Lillywhite Lilith" or "Play Cinema Show". Took them a while to lose the 'Genesis' tag

Headphones

I saw Bad News at Reading.

Truly hilarious from one end to the other (do hunt the boot) - the bottling level was truly surreal - they were pretty much wading in plastic at the end.

The heroes of the day though were Terraplane (forerunner of Thunder), when our still hairy singer caught a full bottle and foolishly took a swig (it was!).  This single act turned them from "who?" to "heroes" in a heartbeat.

McSwaggerty

This goes back a bit. Glasgow Apollo 1970's 
The Heavy Kids,  a London based band were supporting Deep Purple.
They walked on Stage and were ready to play their first song but they had some issues with the guitarists amp. So, in an effort to keep 3,500 punters attention, Gary Holton, their singer, grabs the microphone and shouts out in an aggressive Cockney accent.. .... .
'Alright ya bunch of Scottish Cunts'!!!! ?? '
Big Mistake - never seen as much stuff thrown at a stage ever.... Bottles, boots, bits of seats..... The Band left the stage without playing a note !!    Brilliant. 

randella

Someone mentioned Reading '92 above, I clearly remember the incident

I also remember Nick Cave on stage second to the headliner on Sunday which is who everyone was clearly waiting for...

Crowd: "give us Nirvana!"

Nick Cave: "yeah we don't know that one."

Samgb

German thrash metal gods Kreator Liverpool (Royal Court? I forget) late '80s. 
Guitarist in response to singer being spat at 'Hey you f**kers, if you want to spit? Spit at me!'
Cue him disappearing in a hail of green phlegm that was literally dripping off him. Absolutely rank, there are some dirty bastards out there.