Corporate handshake from family member has weirded me out.

JezWynd

Perhaps you should have gone with your first instinct, ie. 'What the fuck was that..." With any luck he'd have snapped back into human form.

Iamnobody

zepp76 said:

I'm a stickler for a good firm handshake, there is nothing worse than shaking hands with someone who has a clammy limp handshake, it creeps me out.

I’ve got a firm handshake and people have complained in the past. I agree you shouldn’t be trying to impose your strength/dominance or hurt them but at least put some fucking effort in.

Some people hold their hand out and it’s so half arsed if you don’t grab it quick their arm has fell to the floor.

I worked somewhere where one of the gaffers had a particularly limp handshake - he was referred to as Edward Liverhands...

stickyfiddle

Iamnobody said:

zepp76 said:

I'm a stickler for a good firm handshake, there is nothing worse than shaking hands with someone who has a clammy limp handshake, it creeps me out.

I’ve got a firm handshake and people have complained in the past. I agree you shouldn’t be trying to impose your strength/dominance or hurt them but at least put some fucking effort in.

Some people hold there hand out and it’s so half arsed if you don’t grab it quick their arm has fell to the floor.

I worked somewhere where one of the gaffers had a particularly limp handshake - he was referred to as Edward Liverhands...

Definitely this. There's a gulf between "firm" and the arsehole Donald Trump deathgrip style. A weak handshake isn't really a handshake at all, it's just letting the other person hold the weight of your hand for a few seconds and is deeply unsettling. 

Grangousier

At least it wasn't anything Masonic. The one that annoys me is when they grip your hand and turn it (so that they're palm-down and you're palm-up), which is essentially turning a formal greeting into an arm wrestling match. It's supposed to demonstrate dominance, and since they have the element of surprise (because normal people don't do that sort of thing, so you're not expecting it) they usually win. It doesn't really demonstrate superior strength so much as being a twat you want to interact with as little as possible. The kind of nonsense that President Dickface is always trying to pull. 

It would be a lot less effort for everybody if they just wore a lapel badge with "I am a complete wanker!" written on it. 

guitarfishbay

jonnyburgo

Next time I'll do the old Milton Erickson handshake on him.

schrodinger1612

I get the corporate handshake from my brother when I visit him in Ashbourne once a year, which I have to forcibly convert to a brotherly hug. He also makes a point of going to Waitrose on that day despite shopping at Lidl every other week of the year. Some people are just  born cunts and/or insecure by nature, though I suspect in your case he didn’t mean to condescend you and was just acting out his ingrained corporate schtik.

skunkwerx

Send him an invoice from your chiropractor..  

Chalky

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

guitarfishbay

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

Wolfetone

I can understand the  OP's issue with this but I think that there's an expectation that, because they are family, they'll be similar to you and behave like you. When you spend long enough in a particular environment, you get to alter your behaviour to fit in. This is what has probably happened to your cousin. I have learned that through hard experience that expectations that they share similar values and behaviour to you will probably disappoint.

In your cousin's circles, a firm corporate handshake is the norm . Your style of handshake probably felt as out of place  to him, as his did to you and I would bet that he was probably wondering what he had in common with you lot.

I know it sounds cynical but apart from my mum and dad, I have absolutely no expectations of my extended family whatsoever. Frequent past contact has always left me with an underwhelmed feeling and I have no more in common, nor do I feel any heightened  feelings other than  a curiosity as to how they are getting on.

The old saying is that you can pick your friends but not your family.

Schnozz

Personally, I think he just asserted his authority over you, stared you down and made you his bitch.

WezV

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Is there really a north/south divide in this? I have never noticed.

if so I would be fairly sure the reason would have little to do with being soft, and more to do with not wanting to get punched in the face after every handshake.

Personally, I don’t feel any need to assert my physical dominance over anyone. What does it achieve, other than making you seem like a dick.  I don’t try to “win” every interaction either.


I have called out the last few people to try the deathgrip on me.  Firm is fine... doesn’t have to be aggressive 


I am sure we have all seen how many blokes walk out of a public toilet without bothering to wash their hands.  

Chalky

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

I guarantee that your male ancestors shook hands with family and friends in the 1950s, when attending weddings, christenings and funerals, and when they got a job, and when they met or were introduced new people.

So I'm not asking you to do something new - you are choosing to stop shaking hands like your forefathers did.

Yet you will happily fistbump, handgrab and high five folks when that is imported gesture from the Black American culture.

Chalky

Wolfetone said:

I can understand the  OP's issue with this but I think that there's an expectation that, because they are family, they'll be similar to you and behave like you. When you spend long enough in a particular environment, you get to alter your behaviour to fit in. This is what has probably happened to your cousin. I have learned that through hard experience that expectations that they share similar values and behaviour to you will probably disappoint.

In your cousin's circles, a firm corporate handshake is the norm . Your style of handshake probably felt as out of place  to him, as his did to you and I would bet that he was probably wondering what he had in common with you lot.

I know it sounds cynical but apart from my mum and dad, I have absolutely no expectations of my extended family whatsoever. Frequent past contact has always left me with an underwhelmed feeling and I have no more in common, nor do I feel any heightened  feelings other than  a curiosity as to how they are getting on.

The old saying is that you can pick your friends but not your family.

Wis. I also find it strange that extended family see you twenty years later and are surprised to find "you've changed" while they still live within 20 miles of where they were born and still do the same type of job and go to some of the same pubs!  

underdog

Chalky said:

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

I guarantee that your male ancestors shook hands with family and friends in the 1950s, when attending weddings, christenings and funerals, and when they got a job, and when they met or were introduced new people.

So I'm not asking you to do something new - you are choosing to stop shaking hands like your forefathers did.

Yet you will happily fistbump, handgrab and high five folks when that is imported gesture from the Black American culture.

Our ancestors also beat their wives and sent kids down coal mines and up chimneys. Just because it used to be the done thing it doesn't make it right.

skunkwerx

underdog said:

Chalky said:

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

I guarantee that your male ancestors shook hands with family and friends in the 1950s, when attending weddings, christenings and funerals, and when they got a job, and when they met or were introduced new people.

So I'm not asking you to do something new - you are choosing to stop shaking hands like your forefathers did.

Yet you will happily fistbump, handgrab and high five folks when that is imported gesture from the Black American culture.

Our ancestors also beat their wives and sent kids down coal mines and up chimneys. Just because it used to be the done thing it doesn't make it right.

It also originated from Greece no? 
Back when blokes carried swords.. 

Dunno about anyone else but my forefathers probably got bigger problems, they can be as offended at my sometimes handshaking, sometimes black originating fist bumping ways all they like, cos those mofos are dead. 

jonnyburgo

Next thing you know these idiots will be listening to Black American music like this modern blues stuff, what’s wrong with a bit of Vera Lynn?

guitarfishbay

Chalky said:

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

I guarantee that your male ancestors shook hands with family and friends in the 1950s, when attending weddings, christenings and funerals, and when they got a job, and when they met or were introduced new people.

So I'm not asking you to do something new - you are choosing to stop shaking hands like your forefathers did.

Yet you will happily fistbump, handgrab and high five folks when that is imported gesture from the Black American culture.

Actually my forefathers went for the whole kiss kiss kiss Mediterranean thing. Takes an absolute age to say hi and bye at family events.

Not sure why you’re projecting race into this discussion unless Chalky is a white thing? 

If someone goes for a handshake I do know how to perform the procedure.

But I think it says more about a person if they ‘judge a man by his handshake’ than if they are into handshakes or not.

Anyone can learn how to squeeze a hand and look into someone’s eyes. It’s a meaningless gesture if it’s just a way to say hello. No different to a high 5.

skunkwerx

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

guitarfishbay said:

Chalky said:

Aw c'mon, why are you Northern softies so against handshakes?

Why do you want me to squeeze your hand?

I guarantee that your male ancestors shook hands with family and friends in the 1950s, when attending weddings, christenings and funerals, and when they got a job, and when they met or were introduced new people.

So I'm not asking you to do something new - you are choosing to stop shaking hands like your forefathers did.

Yet you will happily fistbump, handgrab and high five folks when that is imported gesture from the Black American culture.

Actually my forefathers went for the whole kiss kiss kiss Mediterranean thing. Takes an absolute age to say hi and bye at family events.

Not sure why you’re projecting race into this discussion unless Chalky is a white thing? 

If someone goes for a handshake I do know how to perform the procedure.

But I think it says more about a person if they ‘judge a man by his handshake’ than if they are into handshakes or not.

Anyone can learn how to squeeze a hand and look into someone’s eyes. It’s a meaningless gesture if it’s just a way to say hello. No different to a high 5.

Its also pitiful to judge another by the force of their handshake really.. 


Real men would only ever take pride in bettering themselves, not others.