Philomena Cunk on Game of Thrones.

octatonic

This is brilliant.

Games of Throne

Games of Throne is an epic and exciting programme on the television and computers and your phone which is based on the play King Lord of the Rings by William Shakespeare. It’s set in sort of series one Black Adder times, before dragons became extinct. It’s weird watching it because most of the time it’s like medieval Made in Chelsea or something, just all these people getting pissed off with each other and looking serious saying loads of made up stuff in old language. It’s so old-fashioned the script is probably given to them in the form of a tapestry. Then, just as you’re getting bored with them talking and talking and walking about and talking, they have a huge spectacular fight with some zombie monsters, or a dragon monster flies down and starts having a go at them and you think maybe it was worth sitting through all the talking and then it all starts again.

You might think it’s for kids, like Harry Potter, because of the dragons, but the thing is it’s also got loads of tits in it, so you know it’s grown-up. If there’s one thing you can say about tits, it’s that they’re not for babies. There’s so much tits in the programme it’s a bit like a hanging around in the ladies’ changing room of some historical re-enactment society. Some people say it’s gratuitous but I think it’s important to know women’s tits looked roughly the same in fictional medieval times as they do now. They must have spent ages researching it, but it’s good that someone was that thorough. It shows. One of the main characters is called Jon Snow, but before he did the news. When he was younger he was this tortured soldier man with really nice hair, which is quite an achievement when you think about how hard it must be to maintain a half-decent male grooming regime by candlelight in a violent fantasy realm when you’re constantly being distracted by dragons and tits.

Games of Throne doesn’t just tell the story of Jon Snow off the news when he was in medieval fantastic times, it does that for loads of people. It’s mainly British actors you’ve seen in Midsomer Murders and Morse and that, but what they were doing before, when there were dragons. So it’s quite educational. If you were doing a history degree at University about what the suspects in Midsomer Murders were doing when they were goblins, it’d be a great way to revise. The show is so popular, that that’ll probably be a round on University Challenge one day, or a one-off special, with Jeremy Paxman in a smock.