Phrases you think are common but nobody else has heard before

Foster

Lad at work mentioned he went on a date with some lass, I asked the obvious question of "upstairs outside or downstairs inside?"

Took him a good 10 minutes to figure out what it meant...

Anyone else got some good phrases? Bonus points for stealing them from the Viz profanisaurus

Iamnobody

Not heard that one before but one of my favourites from the Profanisaurus is...

Humber Bridge: 1. n. Suspended estuary crossing which connects Grimsby to Hull and thus 2. n. The thing on a lady which links the fishy bit to the shitty bit.

EricTheWeary

A few months ago I used the phrase belt and braces in an email at work. All recipients said they didn’t know that phrase. I don’t believe them...

We have some stupid family phrases and I understand not to use them outside of the home but MrsTheWeary has cheerfully said to strangers don’t forget your badger on a stick. 

Reverend

Badger on a stick? I'd buy that. 

robgilmo

Shatners bassoon.

Phil_aka_Pip

"belt & braces" is commonly used

underdog

Foster said:

Lad at work mentioned he went on a date with some lass, I asked the obvious question of "upstairs outside or downstairs inside?"

Took him a good 10 minutes to figure out what it meant...

Anyone else got some good phrases? Bonus points for stealing them from the Viz profanisaurus

So wtf does that actually mean?

Winny_Pooh

underdog said:

Foster said:

Lad at work mentioned he went on a date with some lass, I asked the obvious question of "upstairs outside or downstairs inside?"

Took him a good 10 minutes to figure out what it meant...

Anyone else got some good phrases? Bonus points for stealing them from the Viz profanisaurus

So wtf does that actually mean?

2nd base 
Or home run

JAYJO

you wont get far with that little thing...  

thecolourbox

There are some great ones I have inherited from my mother which I assume are old fashioned Black Country-isms but who knows:

A blind man on a galloping 'oss wouldn't see that

It's enough to blow the whiskers off a bull terrier

He wouldn't stop a pig in an alley that one

axisus

I have no clue what anyone is talking about???



.... except Blind man on a galloping horse which my Grandmother used to abbreviate contemptuously to just 'Galloping horse' with a dismissive wave of her hand if someone mentioned a wonky picture in her house. I had a confusing childhood.

DiscoStu

As gay as a window.
I've never really understood that one.

robgilmo

As camp as a Pink tent, I made that up I did.

Dominic

describing somebody of low intelligence..........
"as thick as a whale omelet"

Phil_aka_Pip

thick as two short planks

camp as a field of tents

Hootsmon

robgilmo said:

As camp as a Pink tent, I made that up I did.

Well take it down again....we're all going home

tone1

Couldn’t drive a stick up a cow’s arse.
Couldn't hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.
Robert’s your Mother’s brother.
  

Emp_Fab

He couldn't tickle a pork pie with a turnstile.

Zoolooter

robgilmo said:

As camp as a Pink tent, I made that up I did.

Camp as a Scouts jamboree 

Zoolooter

@axisus Pig in an alley = bandy legs

boogieman

As black as Newgate’s knocker. 

It’s dark over Wilf’s mother’s. (Which apparently should be “Will’s mother’s”). 

Ooh yer cowson.