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https://www.joinmyband.co.uk/classifieds/the-visionettes-a-4-piece-band-need-a-bass-playera-drummer-t1130635.html

"THE VISIONETTES IS MY PROJECT.IM A 48 YR OLD MUSICIAN/PRODUCER I CURRENTLY WORK AS A SOLO COMPOSER /PRODUCER FOR ELECTRONIC FILM SCORE I ALSO DJ AT VARIOUS LOCATIONS SOME VERY ETHERIAL OTHERS DANCEFLOOR BASED.THE VISIONETTES BEGAN LAST YEAR AS MY IDEA TO CREATE A BAND WITH GIRLS ALL OF WHICH WERE GREAT DANCERS BVUT HADNT EVER PLAYED AN INSTRUMENT OR BEEN IN A BAND BEFORE I WANTED TO TEACH THEM THAT THEY COULD USE THERE UNDERSTANDING OF RHYTHM WHICH THEY PORTRAY THROUGH DANCE TO PLAY VERY SIMPLIFIED GROOVE BASED RIFFS/LINES ON INSTRUMENTS,APPLYING A PUNK ETHIC TO CREATING ORIGINAL URBAN MUSIC OUR BRITISH VERSION OF R'n'B/DANCEHALL/GARAGE/TAMLA MOTOWN ANOTHER BAND IN CULT HISTORY IS E.S.G. LATE 70'S EARLY 80'S BRONX NYC BLACK FEMALE BAND PLAYING FUNK/DISCO WITH PUNK ATTITUDE.THE VISIONETTES HAD NO INTENTION OF WANTING TO SOUND LIKE ESG JUST APPLYING THE SAME ETHIC TODAY.SO IN A NUTSHELL I HAVE MATERIAL WRITTEN ALTHOUGH COLLABORATIVE IDEAS WILL MAKE THIS WORK BEST NOW IVE ARRIVED AT A POINT WHEREAS I WANT A BASS PLAYER THAT IS AMAZING YOU MUST PASS A TOUGH AUDITION PREFERABLY YOU SHOULD BE A DUB/REGGAE BASSIST YOU MUST UNDERSTAND RHYTHM UNITS IN GROUPS LIKE P.I.L.(1979) SLY+ROBBIE,THINK STUDIO 1 ROCKSTEADY,TAMLA MOTOWN,THE SLITS,THE UPSETTERS,LIQUID LIQUID,CAN,FAUST,ZAZOU BIKAYE,BURIAL,SKEPTA NO RESTRICTIONS IN AGE ETHNICITY,LOOKS COLUR ALL I REQUIRE IS THE RIGHT FEEL IF WE GET IT RIGHT IVE GOT THE CHANNELS IN PLACE FOR THE RELEASE OF RECORDS RADIO 1 XTRA LATE NIGHT AIRPLAY AND THIS BAND IS GOING TO BE AN EQUAL % SPLIT AS WRITERS PLAYERS PERFORMERS ETC WE HAVE PROF LAWYER TO GET ALL LEGAL PAPERWORK DONE.IM THE PRODUCER AND JACOB IS MY SOUND ENGINEER ALSO I HAVE REGULAR PAID JOBS COMING IN WHICH I ALWAYS NEED DRUMMER/PERCUSSIONISTS AND BASS PLAYERS ON A TOTALLY SEPERATE PROJECT WHICH I COMPOSE MUSIC FOR FILMS AND TV/DOCUMENTARY PROGRAMMES THIS WORK KEEPS THINGS TICKING OVER FINANCIALLY AND ENABLES THED VISIONETTES TO BE OUR FOCUS UNCOMPROMISED PROJECT.I AM A WHITE BRITISH WORKING CLASS BLOKE I BELIEVE IN HARD WORK FOCUSED DISCIPLINED AND ALSO WE CAN HAVE TIME OFF TO PARTY BUT WE DO NOT GET DRUNK/STONED/WASTED AT WORK IF THATS YOU?DONT APPLY THANKS I.C.G."


Strewth!
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Comments

  • FX_MunkeeFX_Munkee Frets: 2477
    My eyes hurt.
    Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name. Not to mention archery tuition.
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  • MusicwolfMusicwolf Frets: 3627

    It's an age thing.  At 48 you forget how to turn the CapsLock off (says the 55 year old)

    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • sgosdensgosden Frets: 1993
    "..I WANTED TO TEACH THEM THAT THEY COULD USE THERE UNDERSTANDING OF RHYTHM... "

    sounds more like a bespoke fetish role play advert...


    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6594
    SOUNDS GREAT I'D LOVE TO GIVE IT A GO PERHAPS I'LL WRITE TO HIM AND LET YOU ALL KNOW HOW I GET ON
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  • I’m not sure I understand this correctly.

    A white middle aged bloke wants to employ a female dancer that has no experience of playing a musical instrument.  Said applicant should be an amazing bass player with deep knowledge of funk and Motown and pass a tough audition.

    And then presumably he will shout at them a lot. Maybe that’s why they need a lawyer.

    #confused
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  • Does anyone find this easier to read while wearing earplugs?
    3reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24208
    It's much better with an eye mask.
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • p90foolp90fool Frets: 31367
    I’m not sure I understand this correctly.
    You didn't. He has the dancing girls, he now needs a bass player of any age,ethnicity or looks. 
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  • hE MAkeS SyD bArreTT sEeM nOrMaL
    “Ken sent me.”
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • DopesickDopesick Frets: 1507
    That's not a scooner it's a sail boat!
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • JAYJOJAYJO Frets: 1526
    https://www.joinmyband.co.uk/classifieds/the-visionettes-a-4-piece-band-need-a-bass-playera-drummer-t1130635.html

    "THE VISIONETTES IS MY PROJECT.IM A 48 YR OLD MUSICIAN/PRODUCER I CURRENTLY WORK AS A SOLO COMPOSER /PRODUCER FOR ELECTRONIC FILM SCORE I ALSO DJ AT VARIOUS LOCATIONS SOME VERY ETHERIAL OTHERS DANCEFLOOR BASED.THE VISIONETTES BEGAN LAST YEAR AS MY IDEA TO CREATE A BAND WITH GIRLS ALL OF WHICH WERE GREAT DANCERS BVUT HADNT EVER PLAYED AN INSTRUMENT OR BEEN IN A BAND BEFORE I WANTED TO TEACH THEM THAT THEY COULD USE THERE UNDERSTANDING OF RHYTHM WHICH THEY PORTRAY THROUGH DANCE TO PLAY VERY SIMPLIFIED GROOVE BASED RIFFS/LINES ON INSTRUMENTS,APPLYING A PUNK ETHIC TO CREATING ORIGINAL URBAN MUSIC OUR BRITISH VERSION OF R'n'B/DANCEHALL/GARAGE/TAMLA MOTOWN ANOTHER BAND IN CULT HISTORY IS E.S.G. LATE 70'S EARLY 80'S BRONX NYC BLACK FEMALE BAND PLAYING FUNK/DISCO WITH PUNK ATTITUDE.THE VISIONETTES HAD NO INTENTION OF WANTING TO SOUND LIKE ESG JUST APPLYING THE SAME ETHIC TODAY.SO IN A NUTSHELL I HAVE MATERIAL WRITTEN ALTHOUGH COLLABORATIVE IDEAS WILL MAKE THIS WORK BEST NOW IVE ARRIVED AT A POINT WHEREAS I WANT A BASS PLAYER THAT IS AMAZING YOU MUST PASS A TOUGH AUDITION PREFERABLY YOU SHOULD BE A DUB/REGGAE BASSIST YOU MUST UNDERSTAND RHYTHM UNITS IN GROUPS LIKE P.I.L.(1979) SLY+ROBBIE,THINK STUDIO 1 ROCKSTEADY,TAMLA MOTOWN,THE SLITS,THE UPSETTERS,LIQUID LIQUID,CAN,FAUST,ZAZOU BIKAYE,BURIAL,SKEPTA NO RESTRICTIONS IN AGE ETHNICITY,LOOKS COLUR ALL I REQUIRE IS THE RIGHT FEEL IF WE GET IT RIGHT IVE GOT THE CHANNELS IN PLACE FOR THE RELEASE OF RECORDS RADIO 1 XTRA LATE NIGHT AIRPLAY AND THIS BAND IS GOING TO BE AN EQUAL % SPLIT AS WRITERS PLAYERS PERFORMERS ETC WE HAVE PROF LAWYER TO GET ALL LEGAL PAPERWORK DONE.IM THE PRODUCER AND JACOB IS MY SOUND ENGINEER ALSO I HAVE REGULAR PAID JOBS COMING IN WHICH I ALWAYS NEED DRUMMER/PERCUSSIONISTS AND BASS PLAYERS ON A TOTALLY SEPERATE PROJECT WHICH I COMPOSE MUSIC FOR FILMS AND TV/DOCUMENTARY PROGRAMMES THIS WORK KEEPS THINGS TICKING OVER FINANCIALLY AND ENABLES THED VISIONETTES TO BE OUR FOCUS UNCOMPROMISED PROJECT.I AM A WHITE BRITISH WORKING CLASS BLOKE I BELIEVE IN HARD WORK FOCUSED DISCIPLINED AND ALSO WE CAN HAVE TIME OFF TO PARTY BUT WE DO NOT GET DRUNK/STONED/WASTED AT WORK IF THATS YOU?DONT APPLY THANKS I.C.G.           


    " WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE.......


    Strewth!

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  • MrBumpMrBump Frets: 1244
    Reading that was a chore.

    I half expected something about transferring money to his Zimbabwe bank account at the bottom.
    Mark de Manbey

    Trading feedback:  http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/72424/
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  • ColsCols Frets: 6953
    Dopesick said:
    That's not a scooner it's a sail boat!
    A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead.
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  • Quite genuinely think that the musical outpuyt of that could be really interesting. However I suspect that the author will be far too difficult to work with to make it happen! 
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  • Jacob will sort it.
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    He's white you know
    tae be or not tae be
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  • hootsmon said:
    He's white you know
    And working class! What does he want, a feckin’ prize?
    0reaction image LOL 1reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • PC_DavePC_Dave Frets: 3396
    Can I have a copy of the advert in braille please? Might make more sense to me.
    This week's procrastination forum might be moved to sometime next week.
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  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6594
    hootsmon said:
    He's white you know
    And working class! What does he want, a feckin’ prize?
    AND MIDDLE AGED. 
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  • fastonebazfastonebaz Frets: 4065
    I placed a similar advert once looking for inexperienced girls to come and dance for me in my private studio.  And the last thing i remember, your Honour, was the swat team crashing through the windows.
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