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Mid life crisis

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  • MusicwolfMusicwolf Frets: 3627

    I hit crisis point 5 years ago when I found myself picking up the pieces for somebody else's screw up.  I've stayed with the same company / same role and the crisis has passed, however, you know that in this industry the next one will be along soon enough.

    I've thought about packing it in and doing something else but I've decided that the best course of action is to stick it out here for a few more years, continue to save as much as I can (the money is good and I paid off my mortgage before I was 40) and retire before 60 (I'll be 56 in June).  If the chance of redundancy comes up then I'll grab it, meanwhile I just try to be as relaxed as possible, focus on the positives and tick off the days one by one.

    What I need to avoid is that I reach my savings goal / target retirement date and then get persuaded, or persuade myself, to stay on a bit longer.  It would be very tempting to think that each extra month would equal a new guitar.  There has to come a point where you buy less and play more. 

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  • menamestommenamestom Frets: 4641

    It's not just about money it's about being valued and involved in something which requires confidence and decision making.  If I just gave up my job to work in a job that payed less with less responsibility I'd quite soon miss being in the action.

    Whevever I start non work projects with people who have much more time for themselves I get exasperated by their lack of focus, but if you want something doing ask a busy person as they say.
    I think for me the problem is when you're expected to bring value to the table and do the decision making, but have zero support to actually make any decisions and the decisions you want to make are pushed back on by everyone around you, even though they don't know what the hell they are talking about. But in the end you end up doing what they want to do anyway, and all you efforts were worthless.

    So you're obviously not valued, obviously not making decisions, and are just running around pretending to be something you're not because the business has told you that you're a round peg when you're actually a square one. And the hole is round of course.
    It’s difficult.  All jobs have frustrations, hands tied between your back and rock and hard place scenarios.  Red tape, agendas that take you away from the ultimate goal of your job.  I guess you have to asses that in amongst all this you have enough sway and influence to feel some empowerment and achievement.  If there is enough there, despite difficulties you may feel worthwhile and you may get something out of the job.  Some people even get something out of being in an almost impossible position in the first place, influencing the impossible.

    The biggest crime I guess would be feeling like you are achieving something when really nobody gives a shit about you and none of your efforts make any difference.  Would be a shame to realise that at 67, that you were a square peg in the wrong place all your life, that could have fulfilled something much better elsewhere. 

    My own way of getting something out of it is maintaining a healthy done of not giving a fuck.  
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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3576
    Oh My.

    I've just clocked 60 and decided to go on until Christmas 2020 and then retire. It's been a slog and as others have said, being confident enough to believe in yourself helps (but isn't always a given). I gave up running the big PA light rig and an 8 peice soul band about 7 years ago and vowed never to provide others with gear or organis a band ever again. I'm really enjoying that and gigging often enough with a variety of bands/people. This inspired me to do a similar attitude with work. the last 18 months has been hell in the office. The owners installed a new software suite that was inadequately spec'd and badly installed. Add to that the total lack of relevent training (there was no finance training for the first five months from going live and none before)!
    My partner a senior nurse took part time retirement a year ago and has just handed in her notice to quite completely. Two local hospitals are to merge, the larger one has failed several times and is in special measures. They effect will be the senior staff at the failed hospital are trying to tell the succesful departments at the smaller hospital how to do it. Yes she decided to go at the right time.
    Plenty of times I wanted to quit but a divorce and additional voluntary maintenance made that a non starter. Kids are now adults and parents themselves so it's just us.
    Hobbies are important, I like to cycle in a non competitive way, we have an allotment we enjoy growing organic fruit and veg. The band etc.
    I've known too many friends that have either not made retirement of have died so shortly after, this includes self made millionairs that croak in thier 60s and a poor auto mechanic that died at 52.
    So yes I'm off at the end of 2020 and staying living in my modest little home and enjoying anything I like after that.

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  • thermionicthermionic Frets: 9498
    I'd love to do a 4-day week. 
    Question is, how comfortable (financially) do you have to be before you can downsize.. 
    Where I work, a lot of people go part time when they reach senior level. At this level their salaries are in a higher tax bracket, so by knocking one day off a week, they're not seeing 1/5 less money (20% of salary), it's only about 60% of 1/5 (12% less). Seems like a good deal to me.
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  • I moved from a high stress brokers job in London to a pretty varied role at a mental health charity in Dorset about 11 years ago. The move down meant I had some equity left over which helped top up my income as the job was only 30 hours per week on a typical 3rd sector salary rate - despite this I loved it.

    I'm still there as it's a fantastic place to work, its rewarding and the people are lovely but I've noticed as time has gone on it's got more and more stressful. I think I'm one of those people that gets over invested in a job and therefore I find things that wind me up. I wish I could just come in, do the job then go home and forget about it but that's not how my mind works.

    What I'm saying is that for someone like me, I could go and work at a butterfly sanctuary alongside a half naked supermodel and still find things to get stressed over - the change of job made a big difference because it was something new and it took me a while to get fully invested in it but once I was 'in' it became almost as stressful as my old job on about 20pct of the salary !
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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3576
    I'd love to do a 4-day week. 
    Question is, how comfortable (financially) do you have to be before you can downsize.. 
    Where I work, a lot of people go part time when they reach senior level. At this level their salaries are in a higher tax bracket, so by knocking one day off a week, they're not seeing 1/5 less money (20% of salary), it's only about 60% of 1/5 (12% less). Seems like a good deal to me.
    It's not a simple 20% though. At about the point you get to 40% tax your NI falls from 12% to 2%, so the actual net loss is really 10% on the additional over the threshold (typically £46k atm), and you might lose out on things like additional company pension Contributions etc. too it they are linked to gross pay.

    But that said, there must be plenty of rich (wo)men laying on thier sick bed willing to pay millions for a few more days of healthy life.  I know a number of homeless people struggle to access the NHS, but this just goes to highlight the importance of a healthy and happy time here on this planet.
    We must each be content with our own decisions and live as we feel in the moment.


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  • JalapenoJalapeno Frets: 6378
    edited January 2019
    Musicwolf said:
    Meanwhile I just try to be as relaxed as possible, focus on the positives and tick off the days one by one.

    What I need to avoid is that I reach my savings goal / target retirement date and then get persuaded, or persuade myself, to stay on a bit longer. 

    Absolutely don't get sucked into this - if you've a big wedge/full pension opportunity grab it with both hands and don't let go. If they need you THAT badly offer to return as a freelance/temp.

    I know a few people who were persuaded to stay on and forget the big wedge/paid-up-pension, only to be made redundant on minimal terms a few years later.

    Look after #1 if it's remotely an option
    Imagine something sharp and witty here ......

    Feedback
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  • MusicwolfMusicwolf Frets: 3627
    Thanks for the advice.  I certainly know far more retired people who have said "I wish that I'd done it sooner" than those who have said that "It was a mistake to go so early".
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  • fields5069fields5069 Frets: 3826
    Anyone gone from a well paid job to a lesser paid job as part of a mid life crisis in a bid to regain some sanity and work life balance? 

    How'd that work out for you in the long run? 
    No, opposite way for me. I swapped an interesting but stagnating "design" job at a mobile operator to take on the better paid life of an installation / testing / anything engineer with an NFV supplier. But it has helped me regain some sanity, it's always nice to be valued automatically and not have the glory of an eternally-deferred carrot dangled in front of my face.
    Some folks like water, some folks like wine.
    My feedback thread is here.
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  • KalimnaKalimna Frets: 1534

    This thread has struck something of a chord for me. I suspect, being somewhere between 40-45, I am in a similar position to at least one poster above. The prime focus of my job I thoroughly enjoy, but there are several aspects that drag that enjoyment down to 'why bother?' levels. Alongside my normal rota, every 6 weeks I do 3x13hr night shifts in a varied intensity clinical setting with sometimes profoundly ill folks and a 3x13hr long weekend day shifts. Doesn't sound like much, but I'm a grumpy bugger in the lead up to nights, and it takes more than a couple of days to get back to normal. The work I do on nights fills me with dread every time. The weekends are OK, and I really don't mind them, though I am increasingly feeling guilty for leaving my wife to manage the boys when I'm not there.

    I could drop the nights, and I am giving increasing consideration to doing so. I'm not sure of the exact financial loss should I do so, but probably in the region of £400/month. Which is considerable. So I need to weigh the pro's/cons. My wife and I have chatted about this a fair bit, and it's probably manageable, but there would need to be adjustments.

    In an ideal world, I would up my luthiery game from a hobby to a very small business supplementing the 'proper' job, but I'm not convinced ideal worlds exist.

    Anyway, wandering ramblings over.

    Adam

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  • LuttiSLuttiS Frets: 2243
    Interesting thread, I've been considering a crisis for some time now... not quite midlife yet, but from what i've read there's no harm in planning ahead.
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  • Paul_CPaul_C Frets: 7670

    I'm 55.

    I've got two more payments of £36 to make and then my mortgage is paid.

    I've got 13 years left to make one more payment of Nat Ins. to cover my basic pension.

    My Dad, who I hope lives forever, is nevertheless 92 and has a reasonably valuable property which will be split between me and my sister. My share will clear my credit card debts, which I'm currently paying off @ £100/month (interest free, so no rush), and the rest will make for a useful retirement fund.

    I've always been a "do just enough" rather than someone who works every hour available, and what work I get is generally enough to keep me ticking along quite nicely, especially as I no longer have a partner nagging me to do something with the garden, or the bathroom suite etc.

    So all in all . . . things could be worse.
    "I'll probably be in the bins at Newport Pagnell services."  fretmeister
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  • menamestommenamestom Frets: 4641

    A lot of this depends if you have kids and how many.  And if you do at what age they become self sufficient.  If I’d stayed in my first house and not had kids, I’d probably be mortgage payed off now and have the option of doing what I liked.

    It’s a bit harder to do this if it means telling your family they can’t go on any more holidays and the kids have to move schools to where the houses are cheap.  Or even worse, when they go in the cupboards for food and can’t find anything edible because you’ve started shopping at Aldi....
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  • Or even worse, when they go in the cupboards for food and can’t find anything edible because you’ve started shopping at Aldi....

    Hahaha.
    If it's true that 'You are what you eat'... why shop at Aldi?
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  • Danny1969Danny1969 Frets: 10356
    Aldi's meat and fruit and veg is top notch ..... their processed food like chicken bites and shit like crisp is rubbish but the real food, beer and wine is fine

    Kids these days are spoiled, back when I was a kid you ate what you were given or you didn't eat. 
    www.2020studios.co.uk 
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  • Philly_QPhilly_Q Frets: 22515

    It's my destiny to be a weird curmudgeonly old recluse who'll be found mummified under a huge collapsed pile of dusty old Guitarist magazines.  And a neighbour will say "come to think of it, I haven't seen him around the last five or six years". 

    And then they'll sell my flat on Homes Under the Hammer as Dion Dublin's successor says "you'll need to rip everything out, give it a complete refurbishment, new kitchen, new bathroom and maybe knock a wall down to create an open plan living area".

    That being the case, I think I might as well carry on working for now and wait until I'm actually old and useless before bowing to the inevitable.

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  • menamestommenamestom Frets: 4641
    Danny1969 said:

    Danny1969 said:
    Aldi's meat and fruit and veg is top notch ..... their processed food like chicken bites and shit like crisp is rubbish but the real food, beer and wine is fine

    Kids these days are spoiled, back when I was a kid you ate what you were given or you didn't eat. 
    You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.


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  • JalapenoJalapeno Frets: 6378
    Danny1969 said:

    Danny1969 said:
    Aldi's meat and fruit and veg is top notch ..... their processed food like chicken bites and shit like crisp is rubbish but the real food, beer and wine is fine

    Kids these days are spoiled, back when I was a kid you ate what you were given or you didn't eat. 
    You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.


    ...... If we were lucky !
    Imagine something sharp and witty here ......

    Feedback
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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3576
    Luxury!

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  • boogiemanboogieman Frets: 12314
    Anyone gone from a well paid job to a lesser paid job as part of a mid life crisis in a bid to regain some sanity and work life balance? 

    How'd that work out for you in the long run? 
    I managed to bypass this worry by never having a well paid job in the first place. 


    I do know someone who went from being a coroner to being an Ocado driver and he couldn't be happier. But the nice house was paid for by being a coroner, the driving job just keeps him in quinoa. 
    One of my mates went from being a teacher to being a white van man. He said the stress disappeared overnight when he sacked off the teaching. (His main contract was picking up boar sperm from a farm and delivering it to a lab. Which makes you think.... somewhere, someone has the job title of Pig-Wanker.)  
    He’s now living in France with his wife, doing the Good Life thing. They've got very little money but they’re both as happy as Larry. 
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