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Getting older

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  • octatonicoctatonic Frets: 33725
    Get a fatter girlfriend.
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • PC_DavePC_Dave Frets: 3396
    You've been moaning for years about being fat Emp, we've hear it all a thousand times, stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's time to shit or get off the pot.
    Just as long as he doesn’t go the way Elvis did...
    This week's procrastination forum might be moved to sometime next week.
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • I've watched enough Queer Eye to know that for the lardy older man that wearing layers is the answer. 

    And learning how to make guacamole for no apparent reason. 


    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 1reaction image Wisdom
  • Mark1960Mark1960 Frets: 326
    As somebody well into that phase of life, the only advice I can give is as follows:- 1) Be kind to your children - they will choose your care home.  2) Never waste an erection.  3) Never pass up on the oportunity to go to the toilet.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 3reaction image Wisdom
  • MrBumpMrBump Frets: 1244
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.

    Surely not a coincidence you posted this on Valentines day..?
    Mark de Manbey

    Trading feedback:  http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/72424/
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • octatonicoctatonic Frets: 33725
    MrBump said:
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.

    Surely not a coincidence you posted this on Valentines day..?
    You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • octatonic said:
    MrBump said:
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.

    Surely not a coincidence you posted this on Valentines day..?
    You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself.
    Sometimes in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself a little bit first. Gets you in the mood.

    Bye!

    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • GuyRGuyR Frets: 1323
    octatonic said:
    MrBump said:
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.

    Surely not a coincidence you posted this on Valentines day..?
    You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself.
    Sometimes in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself a little bit first. Gets you in the mood.
    Don’t get caught, or the mood might “diminish”
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • jonnyburgojonnyburgo Frets: 12258
    GuyR said:
    octatonic said:
    MrBump said:
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.

    Surely not a coincidence you posted this on Valentines day..?
    You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself.
    Sometimes in order to love someone else, you need to love yourself a little bit first. Gets you in the mood.
    Don’t get caught, or the mood might “diminish”
    And don’t love yourself too much either or the mood will definitely diminish, it’s a tightrope act sometimes.
    "OUR TOSSPOT"
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24214
    edited February 2019
    You've been moaning for years about being fat Emp, we've hear it all a thousand times, stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's time to shit or get off the pot.
    It was said to make you laugh.  Well, not you personally, but whoever was reading.  I’m not actually moaning.  I’m fully aware of how I’ve arrived at this point and exactly what needs to be done to change it.

    I’m not an idiot.

    Well, I am, for letting myself go, but that’s not what I’m talking about! 
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • MattBansheeMattBanshee Frets: 1498
    edited February 2019
    - Go vegan
    - Jog for 20 mins each day
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    edited February 2019
    Emp_Fab said:
    So I’m on holiday in Spain and just come back to the hotel after a night out.  I strip off ready for bed and decide I need a piss.  I’m standing there, naked, having a piss and glance over to my right where the hotel has kindly chosen to put a full-length mirror.

     I’m horrified to see this pasty-white dollop of lard in profile.  I look like an amateur sculptor has carved me out of a giant block of Spam with a blunt machete.

    I am not happy.


    Pics or it didn't happen.

    That's what everybody looks like before Photoshop does it's stuff. Just buy an Adobe PS mirror with the new auto-enhance feature. You'll look like a Chippendale while having a piss through your digitally enhanced manhood. You'll feel much better ..

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24214
    Don’t now...  I might come back worse for wear later and post naked pics (suitable blurred in places, obviously.  I don’t want my face visible on a fat naked pic).


    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
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  • RMJRMJ Frets: 1274
    It's all about viewing angles. That's what Gok Wan tells the fatties anyway. Juts walk down a runway naked and be confident 
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24214
    You bastard.  I took your advice and now I’m in a holding cell at Malaga Airport.  They didn’t take kindly to me delaying two EasyJets and a Ryanair.
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
    5reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • All this talk of getting old...proof the drugs don't work?
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