Online selling phrases that put you off

prowla

"Squire" - it's bloody "Squ-I-E-R" for effin' eff's sake!

prowla

"She" - yuk, I just find that creepy!

"Plays like butter" - well, I'll be needing to take a cloth to wipe my hands after.

"Contact seller for price" - I'll tell you what, why don't you just post the price with your ad?

"Lawsuit" - there wasn't one.

"Lawsuit era" - ah, the era of the thing that never happened.

"Luthier" - a bloke with a spanner had a go at it.

prowla

"Strings, only used once"

ourmaninthenorth

The best guitar/amp/pedal et al that I've ever played.

You know the one they bought a fortnight ago, and inflation being what it is....

jacksparrow

Good wood era. 

boogieman

“Literally brand new”. Except it’s now pre-owned, so nope it’s actually  “as new”. . 

“Mint”. Which should mean pristine, but very rarely is. . 

Plus all the other stuff that’s been mentioned already....she/butter/rare/lawsuit/only want back what I paid etc etc 

Roland

prowla said:

"Contact seller for price" - 

AKA - “I spit on your Classified rules, and don’t believe that you’ll withdraw my Classified access”

octatonic

Typical Singapore forum ad:

dano

From the 19x0s era when Gibson made good Les Pauls.

Replace x with the decade

Pretty much every seller is an expert on that exact decade. 

prowla

£1

StefB

“If you are looking at this then you already know how good these guitars are”.

prowla

Relic'd

prowla

"Cheeky Fender logo applied"

Simon_M

“You will not be disappointed” - I probably will.

Bellycaster

Whatever I wrote in mine 

Handsome_Chris

Oh come on, @Legionreturns .  You just started this thread to trigger some chump into saying the obvious butter related cliché.  Have you won a bet on this?

Nunogilberto

This has been done before but hey ho, here are some of my online faves - not necessarily restricted to guitars either:

- ‘Here we have’ - this isn’t Sotheby’s or Christie’s you muppet, this is 42 year old Stuart from Gateshead trying to sell a plywood early 90s Tele and making out that it’s a classic. It just sounds really pretentious.

- ‘Not to be confused with the cheaper version’ - ‘cos this one was made in the factory about 10 miles away from the factory where the others were knocked up, so therefore it’s just better, alright?

- ‘Killer’ - I think we’ve got the US to blame for this. Killer pickups, killer neck, killer tone, killer guitar. It’s a massive cliche and a fair few UK guitar shops are using this as well, not to mention individuals who think their guitar is so killer that they’re trying to get rid of it...

- ‘Barn find’ - Not when it’s a 2002 Vectra estate thst’s been sat on your drive for 6 years with a blown head gasket, Dave...

Then there’s the ad where the seller doesn’t want to tell you anything; they don’t care and they just want it gone. Usually a car on Facebook Marketplace - “No MOT, dunno what it needs so don’t ask me. No texts as I won’t reply, no phone calls between 5pm and 11pm, needs trailering away, want it gone by 4.43pm Sat 12th June. Spares or repairs, NO offers, NO tyre kickers, £500 firm as I can get three times as much if I break it for spares...”

Yeah okay, fuck off...

JerkMoans

Shit: I think I’m guilty of all of these. In the classifieds, right now  

prowla

boogieman said:

“Literally brand new”. Except it’s now pre-owned, so nope it’s actually  “as new”. . 

“Mint”. Which should mean pristine, but very rarely is. . 

Plus all the other stuff that’s been mentioned already....she/butter/rare/lawsuit/only want back what I paid etc etc 

"Literally", followed by anything

Keefy

prowla said:

boogieman said:

“Literally brand new”. Except it’s now pre-owned, so nope it’s actually  “as new”. . 

“Mint”. Which should mean pristine, but very rarely is. . 

Plus all the other stuff that’s been mentioned already....she/butter/rare/lawsuit/only want back what I paid etc etc 

"Literally", followed by anything

Misuse of 'literally' grinds my gears in any context. Example: Facebook meme - 'Have you ever felt your heart literally melt?' No, if that happened I'd be dead in seconds.