BOOOOOOOM!

octatonic

So Mrs Oct dropped a bomb yesterday- she wants to go back to Australia. 

Not immediately but within a couple of years- probably 2015-16. 

I'm not much in favour of the idea but she misses her family and her parents are getting older. 

The problem I have is the Aussie music scene is much smaller- I'd be scratching around trying to make a living. 

Also house prices in Australia are ridiculous- you're looking at over a million dollars for an average sized house in an area that we would want to live in. 

The Aussie dollar is really strong too, so we'd be taking back half what we would have a couple of years ago. So circumstances are not ideal and I'm pretty unhappy about the whole affair. 

I'd like her to be happy, but at what cost? At least I have a bit of time to decide what to do.

Emp_Fab

If you are unhappy about it, then you can't go.  It will become a source of resentment everytime something goes wrong out there and you will blame your missus for pushing you to emigrate against your better judgement.  That kind of shit ends relationships and causes stress-related illness.  You either have to be fully on-board with such a huge decision or it won't work.  In my opinion. 

frankus

I hear you've got a great PM over there atm.

ICBM

My wife's cousin is married to an Australian, and they've alternated between living here and down under - currently here. It's difficult - massively expensive to move back and forth, but a big stress on whoever is far from home when family issues come up if you don't. (They have for both of them, luckily not exactly at the same time.)

If you want to be part of the Aussie music scene it apparently pays to like/play Country...

octatonic

ICBM said:

My wife's cousin is married to an Australian, and they've alternated between living here and down under - currently here. It's difficult - massively expensive to move back and forth, but a big stress on whoever is far from home when family issues come up if you don't. (They have for both of them, luckily not exactly at the same time.)

If you want to be part of the Aussie music scene it apparently pays to like/play Country...

Hi mate, 

Not sure if you know but I am Australian as well- I worked in the Aussie music industry from the late 80's until 1999 when I came here.

We would be both back and close to our families, which is great for her and I don't have much to do with my family so it doesn't impact me.

The issue is the music scene is tiny and very spread out (Sydney to Melbourne is  13 hour drive if you are going down for a gig) and I pretty much hit the limit of what I felt I could do within it back in 1999.

I don't fancy going back and starting all over again- I like my life as it is here- but my life is with her- and our dog, our friends- everything we do here.

The thought of breaking that up is just a bad as having to go back to Oz- go back to starting over.

octatonic

Emp_Fab said:

If you are unhappy about it, then you can't go.  It will become a source of resentment everytime something goes wrong out there and you will blame your missus for pushing you to emigrate against your better judgement.  That kind of shit ends relationships and causes stress-related illness.  You either have to be fully on-board with such a huge decision or it won't work.  In my opinion. 

Yes, you are right- I need to either do it and be ok with it or call it a day on our relationship.

Neither really appeals.

ICBM

octatonic said:

Not sure if you know but I am Australian as well- I worked in the Aussie music industry from the late 80's until 1999 when I came here.

We would be both back and close to our families, which is great for her and I don't have much to do with my family so it doesn't impact me.

The issue is the music scene is tiny and very spread out (Sydney to Melbourne is  13 hour drive if you are going down for a gig) and I pretty much hit the limit of what I felt I could do within it back in 1999.

I don't fancy going back and starting all over again- I like my life as it is here- but my life is with her- and our dog, our friends- everything we do here.

The thought of breaking that up is just a bad as having to go back to Oz- go back to starting over.

That sounds tough.

octatonic

Yup, it is.

ddlooping

Quite a conundrum, James, I can only wish you all the best.  :-S

Myranda

Perhaps controversial, but have you discussed this with her?

frankus

Myranda said:

Perhaps controversial, but have you discussed this with her?

Why would I do that?! I don't even know her!!

monquixote

That sounds like a pretty horrible spot to be in.

Had a similar thing on a much smaller scale about leaving London. I came around to the idea in the end and it worked out for the best. Australia is huge though. 

Myranda

frankus said: Myranda said: Perhaps controversial, but have you discussed this with her? Why would I do that?! I don't even know her!!

Well, no one else has spoken to her... as you don't know her, just print this thread, wrap in around a brick and throw it through a window she's near while she's working... that's always a good idea

octatonic

Myranda said:

Perhaps controversial, but have you discussed this with her?

We haven't talked about anything else.

It is tough because it is a binary question- we can't be in both places at once.

Staying isn't an option for her- and I can respect her reasons and that she feels this way- her parents are entering the later stages of life- she wants to spend time with them- there is no arguing with that.

My choices are either to go with her or to not & with all that entails.

Myranda

What about moving her parents over to here?

Sounds like it would be cheaper - and you get to keep working

If you move (expensive) and have no job (really expensive) and depending on the job market she might get a job right away (mega expensive)... or you both keeps your jobs and move her parent over to you and then everyone is close to everyone without the risk of penilessness

But it seems pretty certain that you don't want to go... that's something that needs to be addressed - you wont be happy if you make the move against-your-will ... perhaps if you come to like the idea of moving that's different but you got to make decisions fast.

octatonic

Myranda said:

What about moving her parents over to here?

Sounds like it would be cheaper - and you get to keep working

If you move (expensive) and have no job (really expensive) and depending on the job market she might get a job right away (mega expensive)... or you both keeps your jobs and move her parent over to you and then everyone is close to everyone without the risk of penilessness

But it seems pretty certain that you don't want to go... that's something that needs to be addressed - you wont be happy if you make the move against-your-will ... perhaps if you come to like the idea of moving that's different but you got to make decisions fast.

They don't want to go.

It isn't just her parents- she has 2 brothers and they have kids & loads of extended family.

I'd be moving 40 people over.

Also, they can't come- no visa's and not enough money to do it.

It isn't so much that I don;t want to go- it just doesn't make sense to do it financially or professionally at this time.

But her folks won't live forever so it might just be a matter of biting the bullet, doing it & making the bets of it.

I'm not sure.

frankus

I'm jut spit balling here... but if the two of you agreed to have clones made you could each go your seperate way and stay together... if of course there's a complication with the clone of her and it's not going to arrive till after she's left she'll never know you in fact cloned Morena Baccarin instead of her.

Also would the situation be different if her parents were immortal.

If I were you, I'd think outside the box.... I did and the name that first popped into my head instead of Morena Baccarin was Monika Daneman - that might be significant.

Myranda

What if you sneaked over and release some sort of parent-eating virus so there was no need for her to move?

I'm just blue-sky-thinking here! 

What about suggesting she move - but commute back every weekend?

Dig a tunnel to australia and jump down it - weeeeee. Would be much quicker than flying ever will and you could then pop over to visit like driving to the next town?

Start looking for work there now, so that should you move you'll be set already?

frankus

The problem with building a tunnel is you'd implode and then your cooked remains would oscillate for several days before reaching equilibrium (dreadful film) in the core (another dreadful film).

or change career... nothing says I hate what you've made me do like getting a job working the day shift at the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen, arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully-charged icing anointment utensil...

I am sure science has the answers

ESBlonde

Playing devils advocate, if there are two brothers and extended family on location then is it safe to assume they are taking care of family needs on a daily basis? If not, why is it incumbent upon the only sister around the world to do so? If daily needs are all in hand could you and the wife arrange for her/both to visit home for 3 weeks a year and stay in the UK a bit poorer?

But daughters have a different take on their parents to us mere men and the attachment and emotional needs are greater/different. Whilst men can be logical and practical, don't expect the pretty half of the relationship to have the same outlook. 

So cold hard logical, can you let the property here and return to Aus for 5 years living in a small condo and return here (possibly) after the alleged need (and don't assume it's not something unsaid or deeper that's driving this).

I'm sure as the next few weeks go by you will each explore many options and I wish you well on that voyage of discovery.

Peace.

Myranda

Well ok... I admit the tunnel idea needs work - you'd need a material that could withstand the heat and pressure of the whole earth pressing on it... and pressurised capsule of some sort - with perhaps some form of net at the far end to catch you before you start falling back to the middle. But don't dismiss it out of hand - anything is possible.

What about becoming a sex worker in Australia? Then she'll get jealous and demand you both move back to the UK? Win Win Win