Annoying punters at gigs.

Roaster

Don't you just love the guy that come up at half time or after the gig...." You know (insert song) well I don't play it like that....." GRRRR and the ones that INSIST on standing in the doorway when you are trying to get stuff out.

digitalscream

How about "Annoying walk-ins at rehearsals"?

We just had a bit of an off-night, but this damn kid kept walking in with his girlfriend and taking photos. Then he told me he's now the band photographer (nobody had ever met him before), and that we had to play our first gig at one of the pubs within walking distance of his house so he could do the photos (errr...no). To cap it off, he kept pestering me to let him do "guest vocals" on one of our songs. Apart from the fact that we've only got three songs written, I kept an open mind and asked which band he was from - presuming that he'd be well-known if he had the balls to ask that of a band who've never met him before - to which the response was, "Oh, I've never been in a band. I do proper screamo vocals <emphasis mine> and there aren't any bands round here who can handle that."

Errr....do fuck off and stop wasting our time.

Jeez.

Drew_TNBD

How about playing Romford (fucking shitehole of a place) for no money whatsoever and having "arse raper!" screamed at you by a red-headed lout-bitch for 20 minutes as you packed up the gear and headed home.

Haven't played there since. Heh.

viz

Wow! Strange!

Cirrus

ragingben said:

"Know-it-all" sound guys who know shit drive me mad too. 

I've met a few of those. The more attitude they have, the worse they are. And that's not a generality, it's a strict rule which has been proved true every time.

My favourites;

The one that miked up the bit of wooden baffle between my two speakers and kept on telling me to turn up/ brighter.

The one that explained he couldn't mic up my two amp setup because of something called "Phase", and that our singer couldn't go into the audience because of a thing called "Feedback".

The one that asked what the controls do on my amp so he could set it up for me.

And the one that spent an hour sound checking us and 45 minutes insisting our bassist's speakers were blown when it was his shit PA distorting.

As for annoying punters at gigs, they've tended to be the ones that turn into fans so I've just learned to smile benignly and laugh when they do.

RocknRollDave

Roaster said:

 the ones that INSIST on standing in the doorway when you are trying to get stuff out.

BINGO! We have a winner.

It is a constant source of frustration to me that, when politely asked to excuse us so we can get through, people in the doorway* move the tiniest fraction - I mean, you could barely call it a shrug, never mind an actual step - and then as soon as you are through, they sink back to where they were before you asked them to move...and so this farce repeats itself for every single piece of kit we have to take in and out of the venue.





 *(seriously, your cigarette will not automatically extinguish itself if you move away from the immediate vicinity of the doorway, you bell end)

Handsome_Chris

Drew_fx said:

How about playing Romford (fucking shitehole of a place) for no money whatsoever and having "arse raper!" screamed at you by a red-headed lout-bitch for 20 minutes as you packed up the gear and headed home.

And headed home?! Was she running along side your van/car, banging on the window, and shouting at you? I'm laughing just thinking about it.

@Drew_fx, On a slight aside, did you spend the rest of the evening with the lady?

EricTheWeary

@ roaster and @rocknrolldave - I know I haven't got the gig time in that some folks have but I haven't done a gig ( post smoking ban anyway) where the standing in the doorway thing hasn't been an issue. I was knackered, I was sweaty, I was struggling to carry stuff, there were 6 of us coming and going with PA, drums, lights, amps,etc,etc, and yet they continue to hang onto the doorway, fag in hand, for dear life rather than move a few feet away for 20 minutes. I just don't get it.

Handsome_Chris

@Drew_fx , wait a minute, I get it. Is "arse raper!" one of your songs that she was expecting to hear?

EricTheWeary

@roaster - clearly no spaces allowed ( edit function doesn't work when I am at work).

Roaster

I just make sure I aim for them with anything heavy and castored Eric, they soon move once they get the obligatory "excuse me" and BANG...ohhh sorry....heh heh

rolls1392

Few years ago mate of mine was playing bass in a pub band in London.

Throughout the first set a bloke in the audience was heckling, shouting how he could do better. At the start of the next set, bloke started again. Singer said ok smartarse, get up here and do better.

Up stepped Lemmy and a great night was had by all!!

johnnyurq

Roaster;16800" said:

I just make sure I aim for them with anything heavy and castored Eric, they soon move once they get the obligatory "excuse me" and BANG...ohhh sorry....heh heh

This.

I always found a well aimed metal edged/cornered flight case did the trick, shins or gonads worked best.

As Eric stated though after the smoking ban it was pretty much every gig.

But I hasten to add this was reserved mainly for frequent flyers who continually repeated their error, for others less annoying standing on a toe or two whilst holding a heavy bit of gear worked well.

AlexHunter

Standing in the doorway, yes! But better than that are the ones who then actually congregate right by the only way on/off the stage. You make it very clear that things are being packed away as the lights are taken down, everything put into cases and ready to be moved and before you can even get near a blocked doorway there are at least 2 people - usually mid-rambling conversation on inane topics - who flat out refuse to acknowledge any peripheral vision or spatial awareness and stay firmly planted where they are.

The ones who come up to discuss gear but more to tell you what they have rather than being genuinely interested in your setup (or any other for that matter), for instance:

"What amp was that you were using mate?"

"A Soldano HR50"

"Soll.......dado?? Haven't ever heard of them but I've got a Marshall at home I have, one of those big MGs with all the built in effects, sounds cracking! What was the guitar, I couldn't see it really?"

"Tom Anderson"

*blank expression* - "nah, never heard of them but I've got a Strat I have, a proper made in USA one"

RocknRollDave

Drew_fx said:

How about playing Romford (fucking shitehole of a place) for no money whatsoever and having "arse raper!" screamed at you by a red-headed lout-bitch for 20 minutes as you packed up the gear and headed home.

Haven't played there since. Heh.

I am not surprised you haven't played there since!

Seriously..."raper"..?! What kind of grammar is that?! "Rapist, dear", you should have retorted.

digitalscream

AlexHunter said:

The ones who come up to discuss gear but more to tell you what they have rather than being genuinely interested in your setup (or any other for that matter), for instance:

"What amp was that you were using mate?"

"A Soldano HR50"

"Soll.......dado?? Haven't ever heard of them but I've got a Marshall at home I have, one of those big MGs with all the built in effects, sounds cracking! What was the guitar, I couldn't see it really?"

"Tom Anderson"

*blank expression* - "nah, never heard of them but I've got a Strat I have, a proper made in USA one"

Hehe...not as bad as the very similar conversation that I regularly end up having with guys who come up to me thinking that they know everything about gear yet have never heard of the people who make mine.

"Jaden Rose? Why are you playing a cheap Chinese guitar at gigs? You want to get yourself a Les Paul, mate..."

<slap>

ddlooping

blindlemonade said:

To a blues band - "Can you play some Pink Floyd?"

To a country-rock trio - "Can you play some Pink Floyd?"

Weekend before last, played "Breathe", "Time", "Us & Them"...

"Can you play Mustang Sally?"

I put a Police covers band together a few years ago and while doing a local gig we were asked to play "Sultans of Swings" by a slightly inebriated punter a couple of times.  

jd0272

Was expecting it last Friday, played a motorcycle club (big nasty hairy looking fuckers, and their blokes....) outdoor weekend campy thing 'Blues' festival. We're not a blues band, so had to 'bluesify' some rock tracks. Thankfully went down well as we're rebooked for next year. 

The classic was two at the same gig, Friday night at The Old Fox, Felling, Gateshead, place packed out. Playing away in the first set, blokes at the back shouting "TUNE YA FUCKIN GUITARS UP!!!" throughout. Bit of panic as I was wielding my Gretsch with a Bigsby, frantic tuning between tracks. The shouting continued. My fault, bit deaf in one ear, they were shouting "TURN YA FUCKIN GUITARS UP!!!".

Second set, two old anorexic grannies sitting right at the back for the whole gig. One track came to its conclusion, and after the applause etc, a well timed, as quiet descended, from the pair of 'em in unison, dryly, 'That was SHIT".

Fucking class. Nearly bought the piss soaked pair a drink. Came to me senses.

Handsome_Chris

rolls1392 said:

Few years ago mate of mine was playing bass in a pub band in London.

Throughout the first set a bloke in the audience was heckling, shouting how he could do better. At the start of the next set, bloke started again. Singer said ok smartarse, get up here and do better.

Up stepped Lemmy and a great night was had by all!!

Did Mr K get a cut off the pay?

failed_astronaut

digitalscream said:

AlexHunter said:

The ones who come up to discuss gear but more to tell you what they have rather than being genuinely interested in your setup (or any other for that matter), for instance:

"What amp was that you were using mate?"

"A Soldano HR50"

"Soll.......dado?? Haven't ever heard of them but I've got a Marshall at home I have, one of those big MGs with all the built in effects, sounds cracking! What was the guitar, I couldn't see it really?"

"Tom Anderson"

*blank expression* - "nah, never heard of them but I've got a Strat I have, a proper made in USA one"

Hehe...not as bad as the very similar conversation that I regularly end up having with guys who come up to me thinking that they know everything about gear yet have never heard of the people who make mine.

"Jaden Rose? Why are you playing a cheap Chinese guitar at gigs? You want to get yourself a Les Paul, mate..."

<slap>

I think I told this story over on the forum that must not be named, but I was accosted by a drunk chick at the end of a gig and told my amp (peavey classic 30) and guitar (axis super sport) sounded shite and I should get a "good fender" or a Les Paul because those are what her man played and he knew all about guitars. I only tolerated it as her friend was beautiful but it turned out they were all married to musicians.