Friday humour

Deadman

For Valentine's Day I asked the missus if she liked flowers.

"Yes, yes I do!"

"Alright. Get your two lips round me cock".

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

rawk100

http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn100/rawk100/5C013170-F6F7-466D-84E3-2353E7FE6EF1_zpstskc8fic.jpg

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

hotpot

The Hat


Prince Charles arrived in Inverkeithing in Fife to open the Highland Games. He was appropriately dressed in the kilt, but had a very strange hat on his head. It looked like a Davy Crockett hat, but was made out of a fox.

As the day wore on one of the officials was getting more and more curious, till it got the better of him.

He addressed the prince, "Your Royal Highness, one was wondering about the hat?"

"Ah yes." said Prince Charles, "At breakfast this morning mummy was asking what I was doing today, and I told her I was opening the Inverkeithing Highland Games."

Her mouth was full of cornflakes, but I'm sure she said, "Wear the fox hat?"

Fretwired

Fretwired

Fretwired

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Emp_Fab

@hootsmon Who's that ?  I don't recognise anyone !

Hootsmon

ya kiddin' me?

Hootsmon

It's Eddie Van Hendrix who wore the front of his gnashers down playin' the guitar with his teef

guitars4you

 *The Last 10 pence*

 A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
 He gives the young boy three 10p coins to play with to keep him occupied.

 Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face....The father
 realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the
 back..

 The boy coughs up 2 of the 10p's but is still choking. Looking at his son,
 the father is panicking, shouting for help.

 A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business
 suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of
 coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down,
 neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat
 and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

 Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants:
 Takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently
 at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!  After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of  the 10p's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

 Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and

walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen  anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

 'No,' the woman replied.
I'm with the Inland Revenue..'

Emp_Fab

hootsmon said:

It's Eddie Van Hendrix who wore the front of his gnashers down playin' the guitar with his teef

Jesus... that's EVH?!!  (Google's him... Christ... it is!)  but who are the two in the flames ?

Hootsmon

Emp_Fab said:

hootsmon said:

It's Eddie Van Hendrix who wore the front of his gnashers down playin' the guitar with his teef

Jesus... that's EVH?!!  (Google's him... Christ... it is!)  but who are the two in the flames ?

Hmm,they look like some old black and white pics.....sorry,I  never could recall the names of an old flame....

Hootsmon