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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • RockerRocker Frets: 4947
    Fretwired said:
    I often wondered why he played his Strat upside down.  I mean everyone knows......
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. [Albert Einstein]

    Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
    Fretwired said:o
    Surely a contender for Viz's "Up The Arse Corner".
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • GrunfeldGrunfeld Frets: 4028


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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Q. Why do elephants have big ears?

    A. Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.



    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • HAL9000HAL9000 Frets: 9551
    Fretwired said:

    Q. Why do elephants have big ears?

    A. Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.


    Whilst we're doing oldies...

    Why do elephants have four feet?

    They'd look silly with only eight inches!
    I play guitar because I enjoy it rather than because I’m any good at it
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28280
    How the rest of the world views English sports


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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28280
    EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

    Day number 180
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 181
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    Day number 182
    8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
    10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
    11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
    1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
    4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
    5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
    5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

    EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

    DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
    objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
    cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
    the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
    furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

    DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
    feet while they were walking almost succeeded. (Must try this at the top
    of the stairs.) In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
    oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
    chair. (Must try this on their bed.)

    DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep
    depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

    DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
    attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
    fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
    good little cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

    DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
    reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
    a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
    such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
    between my teeth.

    DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
    placed in solitary throughout the event. More importantly I overheard
    that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what
    this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
    snitches. The Dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
    return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got
    to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something
    akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
    reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the hanging metal
    room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
    time.

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  • MayneheadMaynehead Frets: 1782
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
    IMG
    tae be or not tae be
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • AlexCAlexC Frets: 2396
    I met my wife in Australia. I said: “What the hell are you doing here?”
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • The kiss of Poseidon 
    Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.....


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