Today's thinking about quitting my band thread

monquixote

I'm really close to jacking my band in.

In many ways it's the best band I've ever been in. 

Everyone is committed and very good musicians, but it's just not fun. We always seem to be lurching from one stress to another. For example we play with an overly complicated in ear system that never seems to be quite right and we're always having problems with mix and feedback at gigs. 

Everyone strives to get the songs as good as possible, but if we have a bad rehearsal before a gig everyone acts like we're about to face a firing squad. 

Despite being such a musically accomplished band we don't seem to get any decent gigs and frankly I'm at a point where I've stopped enjoying attempting to entertain roomfuls of drunken dickheads. 

I'm quite limited in time I can dedicate to the band, but I make that clear and I always turn up to stuff on time, but they are always pushing for more time, more rehearsals, which I just can't do without neglecting my family.

What really scares me is that I realised a while ago that I'm not really that bothered about playing guitar I just like playing in a band. I suspect that if I quit the band I'll end up giving up guitar. (Since I stopped playing bass in a band nearly four years ago my bass hasn't been out of its case).

digitalscream

monquixote said:

Despite being such a musically accomplished band we don't seem to get any decent gigs and frankly I'm at a point where I've stopped enjoying attempting to entertain roomfuls of drunken dickheads. 

Bingo - my dad's always telling me that I should join/start a covers band so I can do the "gigging" thing without the stress of an originals band, but he's always missed the point that it's not playing guitar in front of a load of drunk people that excites me; it's playing *my* music and having people enjoy it that's the fun part for me.

monquixote said:

What really scares me is that I realised a while ago that I'm not really that bothered about playing guitar I just like playing in a band. I suspect that if I quit the band I'll end up giving up guitar. (Since I stopped playing bass in a band nearly four years ago my bass hasn't been out of its case).

You could just take a little while off, then grab a cheap USB interface, a copy of Reaper and start recording your noodlings when you feel like it. You may well find that writing and recording is actually quite fun, even if you're not there right now.

dindude

There is life after playing in a band. It's now all about obsessing over quality patch cables, NOS valves, and achieving perfection that no ones else hears.

TTony

What is this "band" thing of which you speak???

monquixote

digitalscream said:

monquixote said:

What really scares me is that I realised a while ago that I'm not really that bothered about playing guitar I just like playing in a band. I suspect that if I quit the band I'll end up giving up guitar. (Since I stopped playing bass in a band nearly four years ago my bass hasn't been out of its case).

You could just take a little while off, then grab a cheap USB interface, a copy of Reaper and start recording your noodlings when you feel like it. You may well find that writing and recording is actually quite fun, even if you're not there right now.

I used to do that years ago and quite enjoyed it, but I haven't really been into recording for a while.

At the moment it doesn't really appeal, but who knows if I might get back into it in future.

monquixote

dindude said:

There is life after playing in a band. It's now all about obsessing over quality patch cables, NOS valves, and achieving perfection that no ones else hears.

I hope not. 

At the moment I'm having a real self loathing thing where I can't reconcile how much time I spend watching youtube videos of people playing pedals, buying pedals, and talking about pedals on the internet when I never actually play the bloody guitar. With the exception of band practice, the guitar show and learning songs for band practice I've played guitar for 1 hour so far this year (and to be honest I didn't especially enjoy it).

Drew_TNBD

Get back to basics.

Ditch the click. Ditch the backing tracks if any, ditch the tech. Become a ROCK band again!

monquixote

Drew_fx said:

Get back to basics.

Ditch the click. Ditch the backing tracks if any, ditch the tech. Become a ROCK band again!

TBH I'd love that, but I suspect the suggestion will be as popular as a fart in a space suit.

dindude

monquixote said:

dindude said:

There is life after playing in a band. It's now all about obsessing over quality patch cables, NOS valves, and achieving perfection that no ones else hears.

I hope not. 

At the moment I'm having a real self loathing thing where I can't reconcile how much time I spend watching youtube videos of people playing pedals, buying pedals, and talking about pedals on the internet when I never actually play the bloody guitar. With the exception of band practice, the guitar show and learning songs for band practice I've played guitar for 1 hour so far this year (and to be honest I didn't especially enjoy it).

You see on a serious note, I played in bands for years, then stopped about 6 years ago just due to job / life being too busy and being in bands that either took it too seriously and wanted to rehearse all the frigging time (whilst also being under the illusion they were still going to "make it"), and those that didn't want to put any effort in.

I've enjoyed playing, and have played more guitar in the last 6 than at any point since my formative years when I had way more time. I'm lucky enough to have them all set up in a room, and it's the first place I visit when I get home from work. 30 mins - an hour each day is a great way to relax. Sometimes I'll noodle the same shit, sometimes I'll try and push myself, sometimes I'll try and record something, sometimes I'll dick around with pedals, and sometimes I'll obsessively A/B two guitars. Occasionally I'll even meet up with other people!

The point is, it matters not, it's a hobby, and one I get a great deal of pleasure from. It's only ever a waste if time if you don't enjoy it, but don't overthink it either.

I think people who watch football are wasting their time, but if they enjoy it, then fair dos.

I know this isn't the higher musical plane we all saw ourselves on when we were 16 year olds (and @drewfx still does), but it's none less a valid a reason to pick up guitar and enjoy it.

Deijavoo

I enjoy playing guitar and playing in a band in equal measure. I have no illusions or dreams of "making it" that all stopped a good 12 years ago, but for me I'd jam 5 or 6 nights a week. I don't see that as taking it too seriously, I see it as spending my time doing what I enjoy. Playing guitar, jamming and writing music.

As it is, my band has jammed maybe 10 times in 2016.

EricTheWeary

I quite like rehearsals and making posters, I think gigs are there just to give it a bit of meaning. Like MrsTheWeary's tai chi group which went from an hour of tai chi and then a chat over tea and biscuits and is now five minutes of tai chi and a lot of tea and biscuits. Anyway, I think the problem is if you quit you are bandless and it can be a long journey back once you've had two months of light relief and Saturday night tv. Staying in the band gives you the options to a) relax and go with the flow more and b) join or start another band/ project that's more up your alley. At the moment you are the guitarist in Soul Riot which is instant evidence of your competence and desirability to other musicians. Once you quit you are just another bedroom warrior. I say this having repeatedly got this kind of thing completely wrong, so feel free to benefit from my mistakes on this. And, dare I say it, if you only get shite gigs you have the option to take matters into your own hands in pursuit of better ones.

octatonic

I don't do the covers thing for the same reason as digitalscream.

Transcription is still important- I know a lot of songs- but the thought of playing them to a room full of drunk folks who just want to hear 'Sex on Fire' a million, billion times.

No thanks.

monquixote

Well the deed is done.

Just sent this to the band:

I've been thinking a lot about the band recently and I've come to the realisation that I'm not really enjoying it anymore. 

For whatever reason it seems like we're always going from one problem and stress to another without being able to just enjoy being in a band.

It makes me sad to say it because this is without a doubt the best band I've been in and I have huge respect for you all as musicians.

I'm sorry for writing it in an email rather than bringing it up in person, but I find it easier to get my thoughts down on a keyboard.

Perhaps we could get together and talk about it on Tuesday.

Gassage

Nick- if in doubt, cite 'musical differences'.

It's the tradition.

EricTheWeary

Gassage;1049313" said:

Nick- if in doubt, cite 'musical differences'.



It's the tradition.

Fairly sure' musical differences' is PR spin on 'guitarist found sleeping with drummer' s wife.'

digitalscream

monquixote said:

Well the deed is done.

Just sent this to the band:

I've been thinking a lot about the band recently and I've come to the realisation that I'm not really enjoying it anymore. 

For whatever reason it seems like we're always going from one problem and stress to another without being able to just enjoy being in a band.

It makes me sad to say it because this is without a doubt the best band I've been in and I have huge respect for you all as musicians.

I'm sorry for writing it in an email rather than bringing it up in person, but I find it easier to get my thoughts down on a keyboard.

Perhaps we could get together and talk about it on Tuesday.

In my experience, that kind of email is simply an invitation to talk about it over and over again for the next month.

Far better to say, "Guys, I've had enough and I'm out."

Gets around any potential "Oh, but please..." awkward conversations

Drew_TNBD

monquixote said:

Drew_fx said:

Get back to basics.

Ditch the click. Ditch the backing tracks if any, ditch the tech. Become a ROCK band again!

TBH I'd love that, but I suspect the suggestion will be as popular as a fart in a space suit.

Well then I'd suggest that you as a particular individual, a unique collection of cells and atoms and a singular representation of the godhood that exists inside us all.. are in the wrong band

dindude

digitalscream said:

monquixote said:

Well the deed is done.

Just sent this to the band:

I've been thinking a lot about the band recently and I've come to the realisation that I'm not really enjoying it anymore. 

For whatever reason it seems like we're always going from one problem and stress to another without being able to just enjoy being in a band.

It makes me sad to say it because this is without a doubt the best band I've been in and I have huge respect for you all as musicians.

I'm sorry for writing it in an email rather than bringing it up in person, but I find it easier to get my thoughts down on a keyboard.

Perhaps we could get together and talk about it on Tuesday.

In my experience, that kind of email is simply an invitation to talk about it over and over again for the next month.

Far better to say, "Guys, I've had enough and I'm out."

Gets around any potential "Oh, but please..." awkward conversations

Quite. I'd read that as a cry for help rather than an definitive end.

ICBM

Detail the specific reasons to them - the over-complex mixing and monitoring in particular, and possibly any over-perfectionism about the songs (I may be projecting that onto you!).

Strip it all back down to a bunch of blokes in a room with some amps playing the *songs* not the records, and you may find you suddenly have a lot more fun. It's easier - some would say lazy, but I don't think that's necessarily the right description. It just means less stress about the detail and more fun hearing the bigger picture.

Like that, even playing to drunken dickheads can be quite good fun.

In my opinion of course...

Danny1969

Have a good hard think before you do anything rash, it sounds like a great band that would be hard to put together again

My advice if it's worth anything is use someone to do FOH and your ears, doing PA and sorting out sound is not your problem. Every single band I gig with has someone else to do the PA, not a band member. It's worth the money in my book so we  just pay them as a fifth member. 

NOTE : you know your can control your ears with your phones with the desk your using .... IOS or Android .... so they can do their own ears. That side of things shouldn't be a problem at least

Drew_TNBD

dindude;1049285" said:

I know this isn't the higher musical plane we all saw ourselves on when we were 16 year olds (and @drewfx still does), but it's none less a valid a reason to pick up guitar and enjoy it.

:-S

You don't know anything about me mate. Music to me is part therapy, part escapism, and part entertainment - or hobby if you will. That doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't take it seriously, and that you no longer take it seriously doesn't make you any better or more knowledgeable than anyone else on the subject.