Xmas Pressies + mother-in-law, am I being unreasonable?

koneguitarist

My kids have very good manners, and were warned at an early age to allways be gratefull for what they get and show appreciation, even if they hate it.

Part of their upbringing.

viz

Lol good answer!

jd0272

I simply allow my children to speak for themselves. The MIL (plural), my parents, and my brother, his missus, and my wife's cow faced sister are advised what the children are 'into' so it's their business if the children express their displeasure. Which they will do.

I'm much the same. I only ask for a decent bottle of bourbon from my bro and his drippy Mrs, bearing in mind the wife spends fortunes on those two, their dog, and their cat. Last year, a bottle of Jack Daniels relish sauce. My words, "Are you fucking shitting me?".

It's a bit beyond the pale banning her, creates rifts and tensions, but it's your life chap. I didn't go to cow face's wedding this year because I can't fucking stand being in the same room as the oxygen thief. Mrs wasn't pleased (no sex for three and a bit weeks    )That said, your MIL needs to 'man up' and listen, or learn to take it on the chin. Nothing more complex or amusing than family dynamics.

Emp_Fab

I think there's more to this than meets the eye.  We need more info on what the MIL actually does and why you are banning her.

Does she start screaming at the kids "YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCHES !! - I'VE GOT YOU THE BEST PRESENTS !!!!  NOW COME AND ADORE MEEEEEE !!!!" ?

Why, specifically, are you banning her ?  Whose feelings are you protecting ?

CabbageCat

jd0272 said:

...My words, "Are you fcking shtting me?".

 

Very poor form.

It's the assumption that you (and those like you) will get the nice expensive presents you love and deserve that piles the pressure on to your friends and relatives. So many people hate this time of year because they feel they have to beat last year's and each others' gifts. They don't need to get you anything. It's a gift.

I'm glad there's no-one like you in my family.

thumpingrug

I can't help but feel that your own social phobia is part of the issue here.  Sometimes you just got to go with the flow.  If granny wants to be part of christmas and be with her grandkids I can understand that.  All my kids are grown ups (the youngest is 20 and just back from uni for chirmbo and only really interested in getting smashed and sleeping for hours, bless her) and christmas is very different when there are no young children involved.  But she has to take it that if they are not happy the are going to make that clear and she might not like it.

But banning, can't lead to anything but serious disharmony for the rest of the year, and you really don't want that bad karma.

axisus

koneguitarist said:

My kids have very good manners, and were warned at an early age to allways be gratefull for what they get and show appreciation, even if they hate it.

Part of their upbringing.

Absolutely right! That's how we brought our kids up and by and large they are very good indeed! 

Just to set the record straight, when I say 'banned', what I actually mean is that I requested it and my MiL agreed to it, there was no great disharmony involved, we are fortunate to be a very 'harmonised' family. Anyway, as I am a man prepared to listen to reason, I took onboard that most people here disagreed with me so I told Mrs A that we should let her mum do what she wants after all. Mrs A did not look keen at all and thus far has not contacted her mum - I have brought it up several times! Well, it's her side of the family so the ball is in her court now.

Thanks for the advice good people of the forum. Yes, looking at this it was most about me, but I do seem to get seriously stressed at this time of year, and that leads to selfish decisions. I'll be pestering the wife again when I get home.

Bellycaster

axisus said:

koneguitarist said:

My kids have very good manners, and were warned at an early age to allways be gratefull for what they get and show appreciation, even if they hate it.

Part of their upbringing.

Absolutely right! That's how we brought our kids up and by and large they are very good indeed! 

Just to set the record straight, when I say 'banned', what I actually mean is that I requested it and my MiL agreed to it, there was no great disharmony involved, we are fortunate to be a very 'harmonised' family. Anyway, as I am a man prepared to listen to reason, I took onboard that most people here disagreed with me so I told Mrs A that we should let her mum do what she wants after all. Mrs A did not look keen at all and thus far has not contacted her mum - I have brought it up several times! Well, it's her side of the family so the ball is in her court now.

Thanks for the advice good people of the forum. Yes, looking at this it was most about me, but I do seem to get seriously stressed at this time of year, and that leads to selfish decisions. I'll be pestering the wife again when I get home.

You made the right choice. I strongly agreed with Kone on this, that's how I was brought up, it's politeness if nothing else, but also like Emp said, we don't exactly know how you worded the request to M.I.L? Is there a gentle way of saying "You never buy what they want, so it's best you're not around when they open them" 

Even though it may have appeared to be a harmonious decision, she still has feelings. Adults know how to make allowances for certain things kids do or say cos we've been kids before and we know what we were like, lol.

Hope it all goes well anyway.

strumjoughlamps

axisus said:

Thanks for the advice good people of the forum. Yes, looking at this it was most about me, but I do seem to get seriously stressed at this time of year, and that leads to selfish decisions. 

well done fella your WIN status has just risen 80% have a drink on me

Axe_meister

The MIL should not take kids emotions to heart she's a grown up and has had kids herself so she knows that kids can be little devils at times.
My son and daughter both have Aspergers so they have no concept of other people's emotions so we have to prepare anybody who gives a gift that they may not get the reaction they would like.

jd0272

CabbageCat said:

jd0272 said:

...My words, "Are you fcking shtting me?".

 

Very poor form.

It's the assumption that you (and those like you) will get the nice expensive presents you love and deserve that piles the pressure on to your friends and relatives. So many people hate this time of year because they feel they have to beat last year's and each others' gifts. They don't need to get you anything. It's a gift.

I'm glad there's no-one like you in my family.

Ooosha, bit of a scathing comment (although you're entitled to it). For the record, I neither want nor expect gifts from anyone, at 41 yrs of age I appreciate Xmas is for the kids. However, I am entitled to say to my brotherif you're gonna spend your money, buy summat you know I'll use, not a bottle of sauce.

Sambostar

Maybe it's not her, it's the kids.  Kids these days demand the world and usually have it delivered the next day as well.  Now if their annual present was 2 hours of sunlight, after being let out of the broom cupboard for the year, they would be ecstatic.  Actually IBCM, I agree, if people are a total nightmare sometimes you do have to intervene.  I know plenty of people with parents that try and organise everyone or just moan the entire time and make everyone's life hell, instead of sitting there and chilling out, like you should do, paying a little bit of respect to your host, even if they are your kid.

Bogwhoppit

 

Sambostar said:

 Kids these days demand the world and usually have it delivered the next day as well. 

Mine don't, they were brought up to be grateful for what they were given. They understood at a very early age that xmas is about fun, giving and understanding. Material objects were for Dad, I got the fricking presents and they were mine, all mine........those little shites were not going to touch MY presents !

 

 

Bogwhoppit

ICBM said:

.

I know they're in their later 70s now, but they seem to have changed quite a lot recently

That's M&S and the National Trust for you. Not all old farts can be like the Wonga dudes

ROOG

I recognise much of what has been said in this thread, I think that it is sad that we have generally become so materialistic and the Christmas 'celebration' heightens this. I'm sticking to my immediate family this year, I have no interest in having to fit in with others, it simplifies things no end. I can see them another day when everyone is a bit more rational! My Christmas break is short enough as it is. I wish you all a happy time, however that works for you, cheers

Emp_Fab

But we still don't know why you banned her in the first place !  How can we offer any opinions on the basis of the scant information you've given us ?

Goddammit man.... I want to know who to vilify...  a self-centred MIL who behaves like a maniac on Christmas morning, or some evil spoilt children stamping on their new Macbook Pro's because they didn't come with GTA V preinstalled....  OR... possibly a dominating, control-freak father who controls his entire family with an iron fist.

Don't give us this lilly-livered appeasement nonsense.  I want to know who to call a cnut.... it is Christmas after all.

Bogwhoppit

Emp_Fab said:

Goddammit man.... I want to know who to vilify...  a self-centred MILF

 

Steady !

Sambostar

Yer all a bunch of turn coat traitors anyway, celebrating the new religion of the invading legions.

 

Just tell her you are going to a feminist re-enactment of Luke 23:26-43 and you're taking your 6" nail gun and you'll be putting the pics up on facebook.