How to overcome stage fright?

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vasselmeyervasselmeyer Frets: 3665
edited July 2016 in Live
I'm asking this for a lad I have been coaching in his playing. He has been a bedroom guitarist, seventeen, and a decent enough player for his age. He's found his way into a band of people the same age and they have a couple of gigs lined up. I can give him all the practical tips for playing live (on-stage setup, spares, soundcheck etc) but he is totally bricking it, to the stage where he's not sleeping and is constantly on the point of backing out.

Once I got through my first gig I have never ever felt nervous playing in front of people so I really don't feel qualified to help him with this. I can reassure him in terms of his playing and his abilities and all the practical stuff that goes along with being ultra-prepared to be getting up in front of people, but I can't seem to get to the bottom of this. It just seems to be "What happens if I can't do it? What happens if I fuck up? What happens if I freeze?" so its really seems to be fear of failure at the root of it.

I'm looking for serious advice from people who have expeienced this themselves or have helped a bandmate through something similar, so nothing like "Have a drink before going on" or "Knock one out just before you go on stage to relax". What advice would you give a young man in this position?
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  • slackerslacker Frets: 2216
    When I did my first gig I could hear my heart beating. It took a while to get used to playing in front of people. I also took four attempts to pass my driving test because I got so nervous. 

    IMHO if you are a nervous person or worry a lot one needs to manage it. So in this case, I would learn all the songs front wards backwards, write the keys on the set list and have it at my feet. The next thing to do is remind myself that I want to do this and get on with it. 

    Also years ago I saw this program on alpha waves. Apparantly alpha waves help with concentration so the trick is to try and heat your hands up just by thinking it. Now it works because either you are now empowered by alpha waves and you can be awesome or it works because it's a load of bollocks and whilst you were trying to heat your hands you forgot you were going onstage in 5 minutes. 

    Finally my first gig was in 1982, by 1986 I had no nerves most of the time. It still gets to me if I am in a scracthband dep whatever but If I am sure of the material I am fine. So it does get better. I love playing out so nerves were something to overcome not something to stop me. 


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  • SporkySporky Frets: 27586
    edited July 2016
    Every time the voice in your head says "What if [blah] happens?", reply to it with "What if it doesn't?".

    Also make a game of it. If you worry that you might fluff a solo, escalate that worry until you can laugh at it. You not only fluff the solo but accidentally set the guitar on fire, which rapidly spreads throughout the venue - in just minutes the entire town is ablaze, then the county, then it's visible from space and aliens come to see what the fuss is and decide, on a whim, to invade. And you're worried about the solo?

    For reference I've not gigged much, but I've delivered a fair bit of technical training and seminar type stuff, usually to about a dozen people but once to somewhere around 6,000 at a conference. The other thing - if you can - is to look at it like a bungie jump or skydiving and convince your brain to enjoy the stage fright as a rush. 
    "[Sporky] brings a certain vibe and dignity to the forum."
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  • slackerslacker Frets: 2216
    What could possibly go wrong?
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  • vasselmeyervasselmeyer Frets: 3665
    Appreciate the input @Sporky but I did ask for serious replies only. The poor lad's terrified and he's a decent player who will get a lot out of playing live.

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  • SporkySporky Frets: 27586
    edited July 2016
    Appreciate the input @Sporky but I did ask for serious replies only. The poor lad's terrified and he's a decent player who will get a lot out of playing live.

    They were serious replies - I added a bit a mo ago to qualify it; I might not gig much but I present a lot of training and seminars and those are techniques that I was taught and that work for me.

    "What if it doesn't" is from How To Manage Your Mind in case you want to try the book. Lots of the Inner Game books are about dealing with that voice in your head so that you can concentrate on the task at hand.
    "[Sporky] brings a certain vibe and dignity to the forum."
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28280
    one famous guitarist (can't remember who) was so nervous that he started off live by playing with his back to the audience!  I'd say stand near the back if you can, try not to totally face the audience, look at your guitar or the band rather than the audience. Most things in life get easier the more you do them.

    I had big problems with two things in my 20s - talking to people on a telephone, and talking to any group of people no matter how small. Both became easy through having to do them for work.
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  • stickyfiddlestickyfiddle Frets: 26753
    edited July 2016
    @Sporky's advice is good. 

    The first thing to do if have a plan for the obvious potential issues, i.e.

    - If you fluff a bit of a solo, stop playing, BREATHE, drop in at the next bar/lick/phrase and keep going. 
    - If you freeze, breathe, tell yourself "I've got this" and get on with it. 
    - If you're at risk of forgetting cues, write down the important ones on your setlist. Just 1 or 2 words is usually plenty as a memory jog.

    Beyond that it's ALL the mind, and making yourself either pretend you're not worried until you're genuinely not worried, or realising that the things you're worried about are not actually that bad. I've never had problems gigging, but used to get fantastically nervous for work stuff - interviews, meetings with new clients, etc.

    I find as long as you're remotely competent you just have to make psych yourself up for the first 10 seconds of it. I've heard it called "Superhero mode" in various articles. You just need to be brave for 10 seconds, after which everything will be going absolutely fine and you don't need to be brave any more.
    The Assumptions - UAE party band for all your rock & soul desires
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  • crunchmancrunchman Frets: 11413
    The fear of failure bit might be the key to it.  It sounds a bit trite but it's not the end of the world if you mess something up.  If he can get into his head that everyone messes something up now and again and that it isn't the end of the world then it might help.

    It's probably worth making sure that he knows that most of the audience won't notice his mistakes anyway.  I've just finished helping with my daughters' school production of We Will Rock You.  We had smaller get togethers but we only managed to get the whole band together for 2 practices totalling around 6 hours (for about 15 songs) before the dress rehearsal. There were some parts that were rather ropey (to say the least) but the parents and teachers were all saying how good the music was afterwards.  As long as his singer can stay in tune and remembers the words then it will be fine.

    Of course, telling him these things and actually getting him to believe them are two different things.
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  • MayneheadMaynehead Frets: 1782
    edited July 2016
    Start off with the easiest song on the set list, one he can't get wrong if he tried. Once you get going you will start to worry less and concentrate on what you're doing more.

    In my experience it's not a question of what if I screw up... I WILL screw up, every gig, that is a fact. It's how you deal with screwing up. Don't look around at your band mates, don't pull funny faces, and whatever you do don't stop playing. If there's another guitarist, you can cover for eachother while you recover from a mistake, otherwise the best thing you can do is carry on like nothing's happened.

    No one will be listening to you anyway, it's always the frontman that gets all the attention. People won't know or even care about the guitarist or your screw ups, and to think they do is just being egotistical.
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  • jaytmonjaytmon Frets: 167
    edited July 2016
    Short of hypnotherapy or NLP techniques, which I'm not really qualified to talk about in any depth - there are a lot of videos on YouTube that are of varying degrees of helpful (search 'overcome stagefright' for example, might find something useful) - some people can find it helpful to visualise or imagine feeling the buzz from having done it (successfully!), and all the associated feelings that come with that - the more vivid the better. This also forces you to allow for the possibility that it might be a good experience, which the young man in question sounds like he's struggling with. Tell him he can have his worries back afterwards, he can just suspend them for five minutes. Seriously. 

    @Sporky's suggestions are actually good ones too - the "what's the worst that could actually happen?" scenario.

    Also as @Slacker said, preparation is key. Years ago I was asked to do a rendition of Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah with the Bride's brother singing. I remember being incredibly nervous to the point my fingers were shaking. Obviously I couldn't back out! I started playing, and because I'd played and played and played the song, my fingers (muscle memory) just took over and despite the shaky fingers, this amazing sound was emanating from my amp and we both managed to nail the song. There was also something in there about doing it for someone else, (my mate's sister), making it less about me. 

    What doesn't work is trying to not be nervous. It's a horrible feeling (I think!) but trying to squash it never works for me. Accept it and do it anyway. Also, ask him if it would help if you were there (if that's possible for you). Although you may not want to give the expectation you'll be there every time - maybe agree to be there for the first set or something. Depends on your feelings on this one. 

    If he can do it, and it's causing this much anxiety, it will (hopefully) do the world of good for his self confidence. Don't let him back out!! So what if he fucks up?! I royally fucked up the lead break in Don't Stop Me Now a few weeks ago - just missed a string and sounded like a Guitar Hero cock up - the rest of the band are highly amused, I feel like a dick, laugh it off and get it right next time! Bottom line, try it once, he doesn't ever have to do it again if he doesn't want to. 


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  • hugbothugbot Frets: 1528
    edited July 2016
    The important thing for him to understand is that for the most part the audience wants you to do well. If you fuck up real bad, they'll empathise.

    Theres exceptions to this obviously, but its true in most cases, and a beginner guitarist is likely to be playing for mates, not a hostile crowd.  


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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16253
    Good to reduce the variables so there are fewer things to worry about. Play a mock gig ie rehearse as though playing a gig so you find out if anything doesn't work there and not in front of an audience.
    Think about who he wants with him as a reassuring face in the crowd and ensure they are there. I'm not keen on playing to family and friends,  I like to feel if I make a fool of myself I could just disappear and no one ever mention it again,  but someone supportive actually there is helpful. 
    No caffeine,  drugs,  alcohol. 
    Some physical activity before playing. Humping the PA might do this but a five minute run around the car park might help. Jaco Pastorius used to go for a run before a gig,  Geddy Lee cycles and Joe Satriani washes his hands a lot (okay maybe that doesn't count but apparently he does it as a form of warm up to relax his hands). 
    Being in gig mode - working out what shoes,  shirt,  etc,  makes him feel like a rock star but yet not silly in front of people. The process of doing a gig -  getting gear together,  best shirt on,  setting up,  saying you are in the band,  soundchecking -  gives you a transitional period before you play to the audience and knowing that might help. 
    That idea that nerves equal energy is one to come back to. Jimmy Osmond said on Celebrity Masterchef this week (you might want to invent a cooler reference)  that he is still nervous before every gig because if you aren't nervous it means you don't care. So,  reassure him it is natural and common. 
    If something goes wrong he can ignore it or if it's very wrong stop and do it again.  It's not the O2Arena (unless it is). Again,  mistakes are normal. The audience have no idea if you played the right thing or not 99% of the time. 
    He could look at relaxation,  mindfulness,  breathing exercises. Lots on the net. 
    I love the Bob Geldof thing that playing a gig is a holiday from being yourself -  you can be your alter ego if you want. Jools Holland said he likes to practice as much as possible before a gig starts so he goes from playing to playing in front of an audience and so the transition doesn't bother him. A lot of pro musicians have warm up routines before they go on stage -  find a quiet corner to run through scales and get reacquainted with the instrument. 
    I lost about half a stone in the week before I played my first non pub gig,  literally shitting myself. Kind of wish I did that now I'm older and fatter... 
    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
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  • digitalscreamdigitalscream Frets: 26460
    I have exactly the same problem as the lad in question, and have done since I was a kid. The only valid method of dealing with is that I've found is, "Brazen your way through it". I still get crippling stage fright, but I temper it by not playing to rooms full of musicians such that while I may screw it up, at least I'm still doing better than anybody who's not on the stage.
    <space for hire>
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  • PVO_DavePVO_Dave Frets: 2364
    I'm not sure how much it will help, but might be worth reassuring him that the scariest thing about the gig is the build up to it. 

    Like anything in life that takes you out of your comfort zone, the build up is the killer, once you start doing it, the pressure is off, you can then relax into it, as the worst bit is over.

    Sporky is right, what is the worst that can happen? You mess up a solo, you'll be able to laugh that off later on and call yourself a tit for doing it. You miss your cue? The likelihood is the band will just loop round that part for you again (happened to me when I forgot to turn the tuner pedal off).

    Is he playing covers, or originals? If it's originals, even better, the only people that will know if he does mess up is him and the band.
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  • RolandRoland Frets: 8591
    There's good advice here about preparation. Something else to think about is what you do on stage. First thing to do, as soon as you're plugged in and tuned up, is to look at the audience. Smile at the people you know. Smiling helps to relax you, and builds a relationship with the audience.

    Second thing is to know what you will do when something goes wrong. If you are playing rhythm and you lose your place then try placing the X chord until you can rejoin. (X is where you strum the muted strings). If you lose it in a solo then use the root and fifth notes until you can pick up the melody. If the singer misses the cue then cycle through the chords again so that he/she can pick it up next time around.

    Thirdly, remember that everyone gets it wrong sometimes. Watch Adele headlining Glastonbury, and having to restart a song.
    Tree recycler, and guitarist with  https://www.undercoversband.com/.
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  • Would he be able to practice infont of you plus a couple of people he doesnt know?
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  • TheBigDipperTheBigDipper Frets: 4722
    Fear of failure can be crippling, especially at such a relatively young age. 
    +1 for the idea of a practice gig in the rehearsal space with one or two supportive friends giving feedback. That will help them all, not just him.
    +1 for Sporkys advice.
    +1 for self hypnotherapy - the internet is full of YouTube vids, etc, that provide subconscious messaging to overcome fear of failure when performing or speaking in public.

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  • SporkySporky Frets: 27586
    Roland said:

    Thirdly, remember that everyone gets it wrong sometimes. Watch Adele headlining Glastonbury, and having to restart a song.
    I saw the Jesus & Mary Chain many years ago; they started a song in the wrong key, so Jim just turned around and told them all to stop. They started again in the right key - my abiding memory of it was how utterly unfussed they were about it - just got going again as if nothing had happened. So that, right there, is excellent advice.
    "[Sporky] brings a certain vibe and dignity to the forum."
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  • AlnicoAlnico Frets: 4616
    @sporky nailed how i was thinking about this.
    The stage fright is the drug and the more intense it is the better the free rush.
    I have always dealt with it by looking at it as free drugs and over the years i came to associate that drug with playing live so it ended up being an essential part of it to me.

    I have always practiced in front of my wife first. If i can do that in our living room in front of her, i can do it anywhere.
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  • pintspillerpintspiller Frets: 994
    Stay clear of booze beforehand. When you play drunk it affects the performance and you worry about that even more.
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