New bandmate dilemma...opinions sought

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  • hotpickupshotpickups Frets: 609
    Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    Or a year studying abroad they didn't tell you about (true story)...
    Yes, this precisely would be my bigger concern. Quite frankly I'm surprised this kind of stuff crops up still in modern relationships. Who gives a shit anyway what people could possibly say/gossip. At least you and your wife knows the score i.e. trust each other.

    I'd be quite chuffed that people thought I'd have a chance with a 19 year old anyway and so would my partner LOL. Mind you I would have nothing to talk to her about that she'd be interested in ;)
    Link to my trading feedback:  http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/59452/
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  • GrunfeldGrunfeld Frets: 1987
    @Grunfeld ;
    Actually, that is a bloody good idea. I have some Amazon vouchers and stuff for Xmas that  I have no idea what to spend on. Because some of our gigs are out of the city centre and there's virtually no police presence there, I do encounter drivers who are probably under the influence. I have been idly considering getting a dashcam because of that.

    I can totally recommend the Transcend 200 -- in fact I think it was someone on here who recommended it to me in the first place.  And I know I always say this but having a dash cam is like having a mobile phone -- it just feels weird when you've not got it there when you go out.

    Also, with the cam I got one of these suction mount things cos I wasn't sure where to permanently mount the camera.  But the suction mount is so good that I've not bothered with the permanent one.  I just stick it on at the start of the journey and whip it off at the end.  Takes less than 5 seconds.

    FOR SALE:  Akai Headrush E2; Marshall JVM410h; Marhsall 1960a 4x12
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  • vasselmeyervasselmeyer Frets: 1764
    Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    That is  a consideration. We had a couple of decent singers in the  auditions so we're keeping their details for  dpe gigs.
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  • nick_snick_s Frets: 129
    If she's providing her own PA, you're gonna need a bigger car :D 

    That said, go for it, you're doing a good thing by offering her a lift back to her digs.  Either that or the cab on account situation already mentioned could work.
    - Shine On You Crazy Diamond -
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  • TTonyTTony Frets: 10322
    edited January 6
    octatonic said:

    I've just posed this question to Mrs Oct and she said it wouldn't be a problem at all.
    Her exact words were 'don't be ridiculous, of course you should drive her home'.
    That's a hell of a commitment - you're in Oxfordshireshire somewhere, and this is all happening in Manchester.
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  • The solution - get a keyboard player - then get them to take her home!
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  • vasselmeyervasselmeyer Frets: 1764
    We've got a keyboard player, It's an HP laptop and has no driving license.
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  • LebarqueLebarque Frets: 372
    edited January 6
    DiscoStu said:
    Talking from experience, kindness can often be misinterpreted. I don't doubt your character @vasselmeyer and would probably offer a lift myself if I was in your position cos that's what good guys do but just be aware that although a woman, at 19 she is still young and possibly naive.
    I'm in my 40s. I was at a party a few years ago and there was a 19 year old art student there who I barely spoke to the whole evening. When she was leaving she realised she didn't have enough money for her taxi home to a nearby town, I didn't want her stranded/walking home so I gave her money for a taxi. Boom- instant crush on her part. She got a hold of my number and it took me several weeks and a rather blunt message to get her to stop contacting me.

    Are you available to give lessons, @DiscoStu?
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  • VeganicVeganic Frets: 145
    If she is as ahem 'good' as you say I am sure she will have no problem getting a lift home. 

    Dunno what the fuss is about. Grown women can get home on their own.  If she is good at it you'll find yourself waving goodbye outside her place in the middle of the night wondering how you got suckered again.


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  • JetfireJetfire Frets: 503
    Pics of her needed
    .....for research and fair balance...obvs
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  • AvalonAndyAvalonAndy Frets: 180
    edited January 10
    Thanks for the opinions guys. Just to clarify:
    • My wife doesn't think I'll run off with the singer, or vice versa
    • I have a daughter at university almost exactly the same age so I am aware that there is a curious mixture of naivete and maturity at that age
    • The thought that a 19 year-old  woman would throw herself at a 48 year-old man, the same age as her dad, is laughable
    • I think it highly unlikely that  there will be any problem, but  I do want to  minimise risk of the likelihood of any misunderstanding, hence "opinions  sought"
    • I like the idea of  a taxi fund from the gig money. However, I expect she's more at risk from a taxi driver than she is from me!
    Anyway...this thread is just a request for your thoughts. I fully expect that I will be dropping her off or will work something out with the whole band at the next rehearsal.
    Sound like you should go on holiday mate.  Not everybody is a rapist.
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  • richardhomerrichardhomer Frets: 14556
    I have no wife to worry about - so happy to volunteer.... :)
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  • John_PJohn_P Frets: 1337
    I'm probably being a bit harsh here but I'd let her worry about how to get to and from gigs.     Does anyone sort your transport?  Some people are very good at getting everyone around them doing the running around - if you applied to be in a band or any other job, I'm pretty sure you would think about getting there as well as sorting your equipment and learning the songs.  
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  • GrunfeldGrunfeld Frets: 1987
    If it were me I'd just ask her what she wants.  It's super simple.
    If I wanted some evidence that all is kosher; see above.
    If the singer needs a lift, and I can't see any problem with that, and she can split the cost of the petrol/diesel.
    Pretty much what the bass player and I do in the band we're in.

    FOR SALE:  Akai Headrush E2; Marshall JVM410h; Marhsall 1960a 4x12
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  • p90foolp90fool Frets: 4955
    Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    That is  a consideration. We had a couple of decent singers in the  auditions so we're keeping their details for  dpe gigs.
    Very wise. At her age she's quite likely to move on, and anyway you'll need a Plan B in case she gets murdered on the way home.
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  • AvalonAndyAvalonAndy Frets: 180
    Or maybe she's a murderer.  Personally, I wouldn't take the risk.  Put her on the bus.
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  • VoxmanVoxman Frets: 1614
    edited January 12
    I have two daughters (19 & 27) and I wouldn't want either having to find their own way late at night so of course you should drive her home.  Just think how would you feel if God forbid anything happened to her.  You wife is spot on.
    I started out with nothing..... but I've still got most of it left (Seasick Steve)
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  • mike257mike257 Frets: 198
    This thread is bananas. Drop your bandmate home after the gig. It's totally normal. 
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  • TeetonetalTeetonetal Frets: 4245
    mike257 said:
    This thread is bananas. Drop your bandmate home after the gig. It's totally normal. 
    Concur. 

    What will happen if there is no public transport option?

    I find this one of those strange wife reactions that I never understand.

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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5538
    Grunfeld said:
     

    Anyway, dash cams are great.  What was the question? :)
    Do you want a pint? was the original question........

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • modellistamodellista Frets: 323
    Voxman said:
    I have two daughters (19 & 27) and I wouldn't want either having to find their own way late at night so of course you should drive her home.  Just think how would you feel if God forbid anything happened to her.  You wife is spot on.
    I thought his wife was saying he *shouldn't* give her a lift?  For reasons unspecified.
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  • DanchiDanchi Frets: 21
    Get her to sit in the back.
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  • steersteer Frets: 93
    Show her this thread, and all your problems will be solved - she will immediately quit the band.  Then you can get a grown up in to replace her. 

    No need to thank me for my awesome advice. :)


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  • VoxmanVoxman Frets: 1614
    edited February 11
    Voxman said:
    I have two daughters (19 & 27) and I wouldn't want either having to find their own way late at night so of course you should drive her home.  Just think how would you feel if God forbid anything happened to her.  You wife is spot on.
    I thought his wife was saying he *shouldn't* give her a lift?  For reasons unspecified.
    I read the bit where his wife said he could give her a lift but missed the qualified bit where he said she'd rather he didn't..slightly confusing but doesn't change my view.  ;)
    I started out with nothing..... but I've still got most of it left (Seasick Steve)
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  • vasselmeyervasselmeyer Frets: 1764
    All sorted, anyway. We're out gigging tonight (now in fact!) and I picked her up and will be dropping her off.
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  • notanonnotanon Frets: 80
    Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course endsRoland said

    How long full stop - Open discussion needed just to check expectations. Doesn't have to end badly i.e. 1 year can fill the gap for the band and also give her experience (CV) A win win.
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  • VoxmanVoxman Frets: 1614
    All sorted, anyway. We're out gigging tonight (now in fact!) and I picked her up and will be dropping her off.
    In the words of the immortal Bill & Ted "Excellent Dude!"  :)
    I started out with nothing..... but I've still got most of it left (Seasick Steve)
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  • rewolf48rewolf48 Frets: 5
    Uber is more convenient than random taxi and cheaper too in the bigger cities. The booking process is simpler, no cash changes hands and you can track them so you know when they are arriving and have their number plate in advance
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