New bandmate dilemma...opinions sought

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  • DiscoStuDiscoStu Frets: 5382
    The taxi on account idea is a very good suggestion. The rest of you make your own way to gigs so taxis will be her way and factor it in to the band's costs. I assume you each take petrol money??
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  • Jimbro66Jimbro66 Frets: 2419
    IMO taxi funded by the band, including the singer herself, is the better option with no possible complications but a taxi after midnight from any more distant gigs could be expensive so everyone needs to be OK with that. Buses - NO.
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  • Thanks for the opinions guys. Just to clarify:
    • My wife doesn't think I'll run off with the singer, or vice versa
    • I have a daughter at university almost exactly the same age so I am aware that there is a curious mixture of naivete and maturity at that age
    • The thought that a 19 year-old  woman would throw herself at a 48 year-old man, the same age as her dad, is laughable
    • I think it highly unlikely that  there will be any problem, but  I do want to  minimise risk of the likelihood of any misunderstanding, hence "opinions  sought"
    • I like the idea of  a taxi fund from the gig money. However, I expect she's more at risk from a taxi driver than she is from me!
    Anyway...this thread is just a request for your thoughts. I fully expect that I will be dropping her off or will work something out with the whole band at the next rehearsal.
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  • Sporky said:
    I'd have thought that as a 19 year old woman she was pretty capable of travelling around the city in which she lives. Might be worth checking, and if she's stuck then I don't see an issue with giving her a lift home.
    Yep. I think this should be your default assumption.

    Of course, there are also 19 year olds who are worryingly naive about this sort of thing. If she's a student, it's quite possible that she's only recently moved to Manchester and might not have a good idea of exactly what she's committed to in terms of travel to gigs. 

    I  guess I can understand Frau Vasselmeyer's concerns- there's nobody to confirm or deny anything she might accuse you of, and it potentially puts you in the unenviable position of "last one to see her alive" if something terrible were to happen, but I suspect both eventualities are highly unlikely.

    Don't talk politics and don't throw stones. Your royal highnesses.

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  • guitarfishbayguitarfishbay Frets: 7953
    edited January 2017
    Sporky said:

    Slightly more seriously, I'd have thought that as a 19 year old woman she was pretty capable of travelling around the city in which she lives. Might be worth checking, and if she's stuck then I don't see an issue with giving her a lift home.
    It's not always possible to get back to the centre of Manchester from the outskirts on public transport past midnight, depending on where you are.

    Taxis wouldn't be that efficient in terms of cost either after midnight.

    I'd just split her into my own travel costs if it was me. 

    If there was a massive concern otherwise then I'd get another singer with their own transport. She's an adult, not a kid. 

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  • GrunfeldGrunfeld Frets: 4028

    I'm more guilty of thinking like a dad than a bloke. My own kids are her age and also at university and  I'd want my own daughter to be  able to get home safely, but I also don't want to  leave myself open to  any  situation that might cause me a problem.
    I know this has got nothing to do with it but I think a dash cam for your car is well worth having.  They are really brilliant because they record the road ahead which would be useful evidence in the event of a prang, however when I watch the video back, like you do sometimes, I can hear myself singing along to my music because they pick up all the sound in the car. 

    I don't often store dash cam data but I sometimes do -- there can be all sorts of reasons why I might want to do that.  But I use video to record the work I do with clients, as I was taught to do when I trained because I'm in a 1:1 situation and it's prudent.  They obviously sign a consent form because that's necessary and I store the data safely as described.  But I do that because I don't want to leave myself open to any situation that might cause me a problem.

    Anyway, dash cams are great.  What was the question? :)
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28280
    Point the dash cam into the car. If something does happen you have a nice little memento.

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  • RolandRoland Frets: 8591
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    Tree recycler, and guitarist with  https://www.undercoversband.com/.
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  • @Grunfeld ;
    Actually, that is a bloody good idea. I have some Amazon vouchers and stuff for Xmas that  I have no idea what to spend on. Because some of our gigs are out of the city centre and there's virtually no police presence there, I do encounter drivers who are probably under the influence. I have been idly considering getting a dashcam because of that.

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  • Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    Or a year studying abroad they didn't tell you about (true story)...
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  • hotpickupshotpickups Frets: 1813
    Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    Or a year studying abroad they didn't tell you about (true story)...
    Yes, this precisely would be my bigger concern. Quite frankly I'm surprised this kind of stuff crops up still in modern relationships. Who gives a shit anyway what people could possibly say/gossip. At least you and your wife knows the score i.e. trust each other.

    I'd be quite chuffed that people thought I'd have a chance with a 19 year old anyway and so would my partner LOL. Mind you I would have nothing to talk to her about that she'd be interested in ;)
    Link to my trading feedback:  http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/59452/
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  • GrunfeldGrunfeld Frets: 4028
    @Grunfeld ;
    Actually, that is a bloody good idea. I have some Amazon vouchers and stuff for Xmas that  I have no idea what to spend on. Because some of our gigs are out of the city centre and there's virtually no police presence there, I do encounter drivers who are probably under the influence. I have been idly considering getting a dashcam because of that.

    I can totally recommend the Transcend 200 -- in fact I think it was someone on here who recommended it to me in the first place.  And I know I always say this but having a dash cam is like having a mobile phone -- it just feels weird when you've not got it there when you go out.

    Also, with the cam I got one of these suction mount things cos I wasn't sure where to permanently mount the camera.  But the suction mount is so good that I've not bothered with the permanent one.  I just stick it on at the start of the journey and whip it off at the end.  Takes less than 5 seconds.

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  • Roland said:
    I'd be more worried about how long she is going to remain with the band. Students can have busy social lives, long vacations, exam pressures, and then the course ends.
    That is  a consideration. We had a couple of decent singers in the  auditions so we're keeping their details for  dpe gigs.
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  • nick_snick_s Frets: 138
    If she's providing her own PA, you're gonna need a bigger car :D 

    That said, go for it, you're doing a good thing by offering her a lift back to her digs.  Either that or the cab on account situation already mentioned could work.
    - Shine On You Crazy Diamond -
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  • TTonyTTony Frets: 27345
    edited January 2017
    octatonic said:

    I've just posed this question to Mrs Oct and she said it wouldn't be a problem at all.
    Her exact words were 'don't be ridiculous, of course you should drive her home'.
    That's a hell of a commitment - you're in Oxfordshireshire somewhere, and this is all happening in Manchester.
    Having trouble posting images here?  This might help.
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  • The solution - get a keyboard player - then get them to take her home!
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  • We've got a keyboard player, It's an HP laptop and has no driving license.
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  • LebarqueLebarque Frets: 3755
    edited January 2017
    DiscoStu said:
    Talking from experience, kindness can often be misinterpreted. I don't doubt your character @vasselmeyer and would probably offer a lift myself if I was in your position cos that's what good guys do but just be aware that although a woman, at 19 she is still young and possibly naive.
    I'm in my 40s. I was at a party a few years ago and there was a 19 year old art student there who I barely spoke to the whole evening. When she was leaving she realised she didn't have enough money for her taxi home to a nearby town, I didn't want her stranded/walking home so I gave her money for a taxi. Boom- instant crush on her part. She got a hold of my number and it took me several weeks and a rather blunt message to get her to stop contacting me.

    Are you available to give lessons, @DiscoStu?
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  • VeganicVeganic Frets: 673
    If she is as ahem 'good' as you say I am sure she will have no problem getting a lift home. 

    Dunno what the fuss is about. Grown women can get home on their own.  If she is good at it you'll find yourself waving goodbye outside her place in the middle of the night wondering how you got suckered again.


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  • JetfireJetfire Frets: 1687
    Pics of her needed
    .....for research and fair balance...obvs
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