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GoldenEraGuitarsGoldenEraGuitars Frets: 8820
in Off Topic tFB Trader
I didn’t want to post anything about this. But, I feel compelled to pass on the message that we just don’t know what others are dealing with. What sort of journey they’ve been on, how hard has it been for them, how have they coped mentally?

Yesterday evening, my neighbour tried to take his own life in a very public manner. It was an awful site but we got him onto the grass, covered him in blankets and waited for the emergency services to arrive.

If you have any neighbours, friends or family who you know are vulnerable or perhaps struggle from time to time please, pick up the phone and make sure they’re okay. The tell tale signs were there but my wife and I failed to see them until it was too late. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though. 

For the record... It appears that even though he’s in intensive care, he’ll pull through. We did what we could and it worked.

My own main issue is my 3 children saw most of the proceedings and last night was pretty bad with them. I spent today in a daze tbh... I’ve only just come around this evening.

It was a life changing moment for me. I don’t know how to describe the feeling of knowing that while you’re trying to smash a door in to get access to the house a man is dying In front of you.

No one is invincible. Given a bad enough situation this could be any one of us.

For god sake, treat each other with some respect and care. We all deserve to be happy. 


*pardon the thread title, I had no idea what to type*

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Comments

  • KeefyKeefy Frets: 2272
    edited June 2018
    Don't beat yourself up about missing 'the signs'. In another story nearly 40 years ago, I was the neighbour, and as far as I know, there were no 'signs'.

    I'm sorry your kids had to see a distressing and awful sight. I think the more open you are with them, the better they will deal with it. Little ones will be fascinated for a while and then go off and play with their Paw Patrol pups; older ones will appreciate your honesty.

    /2p

    EDIT: And kudos to you for intervening and making a crucial difference.
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  • FunkfingersFunkfingers Frets: 14320
    You are likely to feel detached for a few days.

    In the meantime, your children are going to seek answers to some difficult questions. Some of these, you will not be able to furnish. No shame in admitting that you have no clear cut explanation. 
    Be seeing you.
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  • richardhomerrichardhomer Frets: 24793
    Sounds like you - and others - did a sterling job in harrowing circumstances. Respect to you.
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  • GoldenEraGuitarsGoldenEraGuitars Frets: 8820
    tFB Trader
    @keefy totally mate. It was only when my wife said to me today “I noticed the clothes line in his garden was missing” coupled with the barricaded doors (been like that for a few weeks now) that it all clicked. But we’ve tried to not blame ourselves. It’s still not easy though. 

    @Funkfingers the kids seems to be “okay” this evening but my wife and I didn’t speak much today. Not because we didn’t want to, but how do you communicate after what happened. Hopefully tomorrow will be better 
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  • GoldenEraGuitarsGoldenEraGuitars Frets: 8820
    tFB Trader
    Thank you @richardhomer . It took a good 10 if us and thank frig there were a couple of bigger lads there to help (not going into details but at 5’8 I was a little short for what was required). 


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  • FunkfingersFunkfingers Frets: 14320
    lonestar said:
    how do you communicate after what happened.
    Just over seven years ago, several of my work colleagues were killed in a refinery fire/explosion. The first day back at work was strangely quiet.

    lonestar said:
    Hopefully tomorrow will be better 
    Yup. Give it time.

    lonestar said:
    my neighbour tried to take his own life in a very public manner.
    Parasuicide.

    People who make an exhibition of themselves in this manner seek attention.

    People who sincerely want to terminate themselves go to great lengths to make certain that nobody can stop them. 


    Be seeing you.
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  • GoldenEraGuitarsGoldenEraGuitars Frets: 8820
    tFB Trader

    Parasuicide.

    People who make an exhibition of themselves in this manner seek attention.

    People who sincerely want to terminate themselves go to great lengths to make certain that nobody can stop them. 


    My wife came running around to the workshop, I couldn’t hear too well as I had the buffer on. She said something just went through the first floor window next door out the front....

    Had this all happened out the back where the workshop is I wouldn’t have seen or heard a thing. Simply due to the noise I was making. I had a brief thought that it was a cry for help but he had also made it very difficult to get to him. There are a lot of issues here, I hope he will get the right help now. He’s been suffering for too long.

    If he is allowed home I have been thinking about trying to get him out and about rather than sitting in all day smoking.
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  • blobbblobb Frets: 2914

    People who sincerely want to terminate themselves go to great lengths to make certain that nobody can stop them. 

    Yup, school friend of mine put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Silly bugger. We were a small school community, everyone knew each other really well. A week before he had asked one of the girls to go out with him, she politely declined. That wasn't the reason he did it but she was in bits for a long time. There is really no precedent for this type of thing, each situation is different and no one can ever relate to the particular episode you are part of. It helps if those involved are given time and opportunity to talk to each other, but time is the only healer. Don't bottle it in, don't try to be 'brave'. Let it out.

    We planted a tree, it's still there and we all go visit it from time to time.

    Feelin' Reelin' & Squeelin'
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  • RockerRocker Frets: 4942
    @lonestar well done for what you did for your neighbour.
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. [Albert Einstein]

    Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

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  • StrangefanStrangefan Frets: 5845
    Bloody brillaint post, you are a good man,  And you should feel proud of what you did . respect
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  • bodhibodhi Frets: 1334
    Stepping up to the plate in a time of crisis is indeed something you should be proud of.  Hats off to you.

    Years ago, a very good family friend hanged her three little boys, and then herself, from a rafter in their kitchen.  It haunts me to this day that for some reason she didn't ask for help, and that no-one recognised whatever signs there may have been - but no-one did.  Awful, awful thing is suicide.
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  • markslade07markslade07 Frets: 833
    Shit....really don't know what to say, but well done to you and your neighbours for helping in what must have been an awful situation. As others have said, don't bottle it up, and if it helps to vent on here...feel free!
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  • Modulus_AmpsModulus_Amps Frets: 2569
    tFB Trader
    I don't know if it is just part of getting older or a sign of the times, but I am increasingly hearing of suicides of "normal" people, a number of old work colleagues etc.

    @lonestar well done, sorry you and yours now have to deal with the trauma of it.
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  • LuttiSLuttiS Frets: 2243
    As you say hindsight is a wonderful thing..

    I think MH is slowly becoming bit less of a stigmata these days, but being able to do something about it is still the tricky bit, hopefully someone here will have read your post and had a think about those around them, or even themselves. 

    Hope you and your family are ok, will pass in time, talking will help, even if its to vent about something completely non related and irrelevant. 
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  • BoromedicBoromedic Frets: 4700
    edited June 2018
    @lonestar , fair play to you mate for doing what you could, it's an extraordinary thing to have to process but just take your time, and please don't shift any blame or shame onto yourself for not noticing before. Your neighbour probably hid it well enough by the sounds of it. Then he may just have snapped and thought feck it. If he's in ITU he's given it a damn good go, and it doesn't sound like a cry for help to me, and that's kind of a misnomer anyway really. 

    Fingers crossed he gets the help he needs now and at least you are aware of his situation as his neighbour now. Also if it's taking its toll on you, then please go and talk to someone yourself, outside of family and those close to you. Stuff like this can have a long lasting effect on you, it's always better to share than let it fester. Sounds like your already there though by posting on here, good on you and take care dude.

    P.s. Kids are extraordinarily resilient with stuff like this and there's been some good advice already above. Just talk to them and be honest I think, that's what I would do anyway.

    My head said brake, but my heart cried never.


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  • guitars4youguitars4you Frets: 14029
    tFB Trader
    So hard to see such potential dangers and issues - I heard a story this week of a single lonely old man that had died at home, in our town - No one knew - He went to the local Costa Coffee everyday before 12 noon - missed 2/3 days so a member of staff questioned this - Cut a long story short, staff + police went to the house and he was lying in the hall way dead - No one knew - Neighbours never saw or suspected anything

    Sterling work by yourself and your wife - Hope the kids come out of this okay with no fear factor or bad dreams
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  • mikeyrob73mikeyrob73 Frets: 4663
    Shit man, what a terrible thing to go through. I had it 5 years ago with my mate spud, we coached kids  football together, and on the Saturday i could see he wasn't himself, we were both going through a rough time with our marriages. We finished training and i said to him "you alright pal, you look a bit down, if you want to go for a pint later for a chat drop me a text" he replied " go for a pint, more likely top myself " then laughed,my reply was " dont talk daft man". That was on the Saturday, on the Sunday night he walked out of his house into his garage and hung himself. 5 years later it still eats me every single day that i didn't try harder , we pretty much laughed off his comment as just spud being spud. On Monday i got home from work and my wife told me my marriage was over, 5 minutes later my phone rang to tell me what spud had done. 
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  • BoromedicBoromedic Frets: 4700
    Fuckin hell @mikeyrob73 that's a dreadful set of circumstances to go through mate. Glad you are able to share and talk about it, hope you're okay.

    My head said brake, but my heart cried never.


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  • mikeyrob73mikeyrob73 Frets: 4663
    @Boromedic ;
    it was 5 years ago, i have beat myself up everyday since that i couldnt do more to help my mate but and am now divorced from the ex wife and living very happily with a great woman so that side of it has worked out for the best. that was possibly the worst Monday of all time though 
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    edited June 2018
    @lonestar .. well done for helping your neighbour. Hopefully he will pull through and get the help he needs.

    Unfortunately this is common. I'm a trustee of a charity setup after three players at my old rugby club committed suicide. Everyone thought they were fine and nobody saw the signs. It was devastating for their families and the players and coaches at the club.

    Having had some basic training the signs were there to see .. the charity provides a 24/7 hotline with professional support and counselling to people at the club and what surprised us is the number of calls we got. The charity has managed to help a number of people (more than we imagined) so we decided to talk to other clubs. One near by had lost four players in 18 months to suicide.

    The RFU has taken the model we created into the pro game and unsurprisingly they have found issues. Our scheme is being rolled out to other rugby clubs and we have plans to offer it to other organisations outside rugby.

    Suicide is the biggest killer of young men in the UK. One of my best friends from school son committed suicide 18 months ago. He was at university - again nobody saw the signs.

    We have a fundraising festival tomorrow with lots of rock bands, food, beer to raise money and awareness. The NHS has cut mental health provision so it is hard to get help. I do have a list of organisations that do amazing work should anyone need it.

    And there's now evidence that too much time on social media has an effect on young people and can make them suicidal. Keep an eye on your kids.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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