Is this normal?

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So, I've recently met a new lass and it all seems to be going well. However, for some unknown reason I'm now constantly worrying that it's all going to go to shit, thinking that it's going too well and that it seems too good to be true.

This just seems like a repeat of every time I've been in this situation, wherein I constantly worry that it's all going to go to shit for no apparent reason. I occasionally have a tendency to seek subtle reassurance at any opportunity and I'm concerned now that all this leads to uncharacteristic behaviour that actually can potentially send things to shit.

It's not just with potential relationships where I worry - I worry about most stuff to be honest - it's just it hits hardest in situations like this and, to be honest, I'm fed up with it now.

Is this normal? Am I overreacting or is this something I should maybe seek help with?

It seems much easier to get this all out on a platform such as this
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Comments

  • octatonicoctatonic Frets: 33725
    How old are you?
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  • I think it's something called a self fulfilling prophecy and it's linked to self esteem, as it's something I've experienced frequently also in various walks of life not just in relationships. Others will be better at explaining it or helping with it (as I still do it to an extent now) but I've found that when your find the right person it slowly stops feeling like that. You just have to give it a chance
    Please note my communication is not very good, so please be patient with me
    soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
    youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
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  • Ben8010Ben8010 Frets: 150
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  • octatonicoctatonic Frets: 33725
    Ben8010 said:
    It is a tricky age because you are technically an adult but you may not yet have the necessary skills to negotiate adulthood, or at least I didn't.

    You have my sympathy and I wouldn't willingly go back to that age (although I'd like to be able to fit into the jeans I wore back then) but I do wish I could tap myself on the shoulder around then and say 'don't worry, it is all going to be fine' though.

    You might also be feeling like by mid 20's that 'things should have happened by now' (again, this is a thought I had around then).

    I would say a couple of things- don't be afraid of binning people or situations if they are not working for you, provided you are looking after yourself in the process.

    Also, any of the moments you feel very acutely might be completely unnoticed by other parties- people mostly care about themselves and you might not figure that highly in their own mental tabulations. That might be a comfort (being able to fly under the radar), or it might now.

    It can take a long time for some people to get a proper sense of themselves and not worry about what other people think.
    Without being too fatuous about it, I'd just say try to enjoy your early adulthood as much as you can.
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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 12255
    You already know I think that you will turn it to crap quickest by overthinking it and being overly needy.

    Its quite normal I think to think stuff this good doesn't happen to people like you and wait for the downfall but stuff like this does happen to people like you and by embracing it and enjoying it you will probably be more fun to be around and it can take off.

    Plus worrying about it will not stop anything bad happening, just mean you won't enjoy it as much in the meantime.
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  • vizviz Frets: 10645
    edited December 2018
    I think the average age for men in the UK to meet their life-long partner is 28, so either you’re ahead of the curve or it hasn’t happened yet
    Roland said: Scales are primarily a tool for categorising knowledge, not a rule for what can or cannot be played.
    Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
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  • What's normal Ben?

    As said above, most people are too busy hiding their own thing to start noticing anyone else's thing.

    At 26, despite outward appearances, my head was falling off my shoulders in a thousand different ways. I wasn't comfortable, anywhere. 

    I'm 55 next month, and have made some big strides - I'm still however work in progress. 

    This Lady you've met will already know that which you're trying to disguise, and yet there She still is, as is mine, some 20 odd years later. 

    Be yourself, who else can you be? 

    Stay cool.






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  • SassafrasSassafras Frets: 30273
    Try too see the glass as half full instead of half empty and it's gonna taste like piss so why should I bother even thinking about drinking it.
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  • Ben8010Ben8010 Frets: 150
    edited December 2018
    octatonic said:

    It is a tricky age because you are technically an adult but you may not yet have the necessary skills to negotiate adulthood, or at least I didn't.
    You're bang on there.

    @munckee I totally agree with you. I just can't seem to stop it! 

    The most irritating thing is that I don't know why I'm overthinking this. 2 days ago I was all excited about it. It's going well - I've looked back at the messages we've exchanged recently and thought back on our conversations in person and there's nothing to suggest otherwise but here we are.

    I'm of course going to withhold this madness from her and hope it continues to develop as it has been. Hopefully after I see her tonight I'll be back to being positive about it. I just wanted a little moan, at myself more than anything, as I'm just fed up with it. I never thought for a second either that I was on my own with this, but it's nice to know that there's people out there who can empathise.
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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 12255
    Ben8010 said:
    octatonic said:

    It is a tricky age because you are technically an adult but you may not yet have the necessary skills to negotiate adulthood, or at least I didn't.
    You're bang on there.

    @munckee I totally agree with you. I just can't seem to stop it! 

    The most irritating thing is that I don't know why I'm overthinking this. 2 days ago I was all excited about it. It's going well - I've looked back at the messages we've exchanged recently and thought back on our conversations in person and there's nothing to suggest otherwise but here we are.

    I'm of course going to withhold this madness from her and hope it continues to develop as it has been. Hopefully after I see her tonight I'll be back to being positive about it. I just wanted a little moan, at myself more than anything, as I'm just fed up with it. I never thought for a second either that I was on my own with this, but it's nice to know that there's people out there who can empaphise
    Hey at least your not worrying whether its too small or she will find the bodies!

    Hope it goes your way chief.
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  • robgilmorobgilmo Frets: 3359
    The glass isnt half full or half empty, its half drunk, so drink the rest, order another and have fun with it. Before going out on dates I used to listen to James Brown quite loudly, and drink a bottle of Thunderbird, I was ready for anything after that.
    A Deuce , a Tele and a cup of tea.
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  • scrumhalfscrumhalf Frets: 11262
    Stop overthinking it and go with the flow.
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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 12255
    robgilmo said:
    The glass isnt half full or half empty, its half drunk, so drink the rest, order another and have fun with it. Before going out on dates I used to listen to James Brown quite loudly, and drink a bottle of Thunderbird, I was ready for anything after that.
    You're clearly a classy geezer rob, thunderbird was our pre pub drink of choice, cheapest strong drink and a bottle could be consumed on the walk from the offie to the pub.
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  • JAYJOJAYJO Frets: 1526
    Your over thinking things. relax and dont take yourself too seriously.  I remember for years feeling like a Lesbian Trapped inside a mans body. Then i thought sod it ...."lifes not worth a damn ....etc.
    Your Young and have plenty to offer just accept  and dont question whether or not you deserve to be happy.  
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  • KilgoreKilgore Frets: 8599
    I'll just echo what others have said.
     Try to enjoy the ride and not worry about falling off.

    All the best.
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  • If you're happy and you know it, over think.
    If you're happy and you know it, over think.
    If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to blow it,
    If you're happy and you know it, over think
    Please note my communication is not very good, so please be patient with me
    soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
    youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
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  • joeyowenjoeyowen Frets: 4025
    I'll tell you one thing for free.... if you act like this* with her, constant worry, suspicion etc... it will go to shit. She might find nerves cute at first, but if it ever comes across as a trust issue it won't work.

    Just enjoy the ride mate.  I thought similar things when I got with my other half... 7 years and 2 kids later, it's all gravy.

    *I can't think how to rephrase that, I don't mean it to be cruel, and I'm not saying you have acted bad so far.  
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  • Ben8010Ben8010 Frets: 150
    I was very tentative about posting something like this up but i'm glad I did now. It's helpful and reassuring knowing that there's actually a lot of people out there who have felt the same at some point.

    I know the overthinking is a problem but it's so hard to kick a habit. It's much easier to say stop than it is to actually do it I can say that!

    @joeyowen don't worry I get what you mean and I agree. I know the problem here! I am doing my best to make sure this shit is withheld from her - knowing that if it continues to go well it will be forgotten about haha.
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  • fftcfftc Frets: 559
    It's really easy to say this, and a lot harder to action when thoughts start ganging up on you, but seriously, don't sweat it.

    In 10 years time if you look back you will likely realise that it wasn't worth the worry. Doesn't actually matter whether you split up tomorrow, in five years, or are still happily together in 10 years. Just be yourself (unless you are a dick, then be someone else), treat her with respect and let the cards fall where they will.
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  • tekbowtekbow Frets: 1686
    I'm so glad there wasn't a picture of your junk when I opened this thread.
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