Is this normal?

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  • Ben8010Ben8010 Frets: 150
    Lmao.

    No but that reminds me...
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  • Mark1960Mark1960 Frets: 326
    It's impossible to advise another person specifically, but just be yourself, and don't keep churning over every little thing. Best to maybe delete all messages after 24 hours, so you can't keep looking back at things? Good luck. Hope it works out, and remember if it doesn't, you can't change who you are or who she is. If it works great if not dust yourself down and keep going forward.
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  • ShrewsShrews Frets: 2958
    I wrote this on another thread where another chap had a similar problem. There are some ages of 'man' theorised (can't remember who) but certainly learnt in some HR training many years ago.  I think it went something like

    4 - age a boy remembers stuff
    11 - Pre-teen starts to become aware changes are on the way
    13 - Changes are on their way
    16 - Becomes aware that schooldays are over and making a living is the future
    18 - legally an adult and starts to feel like an adult
    21 - now at work and thinking about building a future with shelter and partner firmly on the agenda
    28 - a realisation that schooldays are gone and whatever career you've been building is going to be it for the next 40 years. It's a time that men think about that person they've got in their life. Is this what life is all about until you die?  Changes commonly occur around this age
    40 - similar to age 28, but this time there's a realisation that you're getting older. The body isn't as fit, younger people at work are becoming your boss, kids are growing up, and you've still got 28 years left. Everyone seems to have more than you (don't panic. most of it is on credit!), everyone seems to have better lives than you. Some have emigrated, some have become millionaires, some have high-flying jobs.
    55 - more settled, mortgage paid or nearly paid, kids left home, you've probably had some illness requiring a stint in hospital, 12 years left at work and counting down!  If you have a wife, she's likely menopausal. If she's a lot younger, she will seem a lot younger and you will feel older. Parents may be reaching end of life. Worries that redundancy = scrapheap and never finding another job. 
    67 - Retirement. Now what are you going to do with your time?
    75 - Grand kids, great grand kids maybe, the garden and general pottering at home is becoming more of a popular past ime. You start to think more about what you're leaving behind as your legacy and impact on the world
    80 - 90 - ill health and death

    This is generally how life 'maps out' for a man.

    With the OP, there's a realisation that you haven't built enough and everyone else seems to be more settled, but truth is there's just as many women out there feeling the same.  A woman tends to be thinking of her fertility in her thirties, so chances are in their mid twenties that they've put the picking and choosing of partners behind them and becoming less picky. Days of clubbing and dating are becoming boring.

    So I say this, your new partner is probably happy to have you in her life, is looking for a long-term future and likely to dismiss any doubts she might have had about you earlier in her 20's. Whereas before she might've sought perfection a few years ago. she probably now realises it doesn't exist. 

    Just be yourself and let Mother Nature do her thing. She gets it right more often than not. 



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  • robgilmorobgilmo Frets: 3352
    munckee said:
    robgilmo said:
    The glass isnt half full or half empty, its half drunk, so drink the rest, order another and have fun with it. Before going out on dates I used to listen to James Brown quite loudly, and drink a bottle of Thunderbird, I was ready for anything after that.
    You're clearly a classy geezer rob, thunderbird was our pre pub drink of choice, cheapest strong drink and a bottle could be consumed on the walk from the offie to the pub.
    Mad Dog 20/20 was another hit but nowhere near as potent as Thunderburd, which I might add can still be bought!
    https://www.drinksupermarket.com/thunderbird-american-grape-wine-75cl/

    Sometimes , if I was feeling flush I would sink two bottles of it but usually ended up dancing on tables and getting thrown out of the pub.

    A Deuce , a Tele and a cup of tea.
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  • Paul7926Paul7926 Frets: 227
    OP:  Obviously I can't comment on the exact specifics as I don't know them but reading the thread I was reminded of a quote from someone or other:

    A hero dies but once, a coward dies a thousand times.

    Now I'm not calling you a coward in any way.  What I'm getting at, coming from someone who has a real problem with over analysing everything, is that I worry about things that are not even problems simply because they, in theory, could be problems.  It takes a huge amount of mental and emotional effort for no gain whatsoever.  

    When I catch myself going down that rabbit hole I think about that quote.  If the worst happens I'll deal with it and I'll deal with it once.  Suffering the consequences of the worst possible predicted outcome time and time again when in reality there is no problem doesn't help anyone.  In fact it can actually bring on the worst outcomes that you fear.

    What you are doing may not be totally 'normal' but it's not as uncommon as you would think.

    I've tried to re-word this several times to express what I mean in a helpful way without it sounding harsh.  I'm not sure I've got the words right but hopefully you get my meaning.  
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  • sev112sev112 Frets: 2739
    Don’t analyse life 
    certainly don’t analyse other people’s behaviour
    and definitley don’t try and analyse other people’s intentions

    all bring stress and worry. So stay away from them.  Especially as you will almost always be wrong !  :)

    Do what you think is best and good for you and as many people as possible at all times.
    Don’t rush things. Don’t pressure people, don’t presume people think the same way about things as you do.  Don’t worry that they don’t.  

    Good luck :) hope it works out for you


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  • dafuzzdafuzz Frets: 1522
    I was the same at 26

    Now 40, I go on dates quietly hoping the other party stands me up so I can go home and have an early night
    All practice and no theory
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  • Ben8010Ben8010 Frets: 150
    Well, I have to say - thanks everyone for the responses. It really is helpful.
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  • usedtobeusedtobe Frets: 3841
    I was 26 when I met my wife. I’d never had a relationship lasting more than 3 months before. It was weird, every time, I’d meet someone, seemed to be going well.. 3 months.. Bam! It got so I was waiting for it. Even with the wife, I was almost ticking off the days, and when the 3 months mark was reached, I was thinking, “Ok, any day now..”
    And it didn’t happen. And later this month we’ll have been together 30 years!
     so if you fancy a reissue of a guitar they never made in a colour they never used then it probably isn't too overpriced.

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  • dbphotodbphoto Frets: 716
    edited December 2018
    When I was 26 I thought I knew everything.

    Now I'm 43 I realise I know bugger all.

    The last thing I wanted to do in my 20's was settle down, hell I closed my first business at the age of 28 a went travelling round Asia for a year with 3 friends.

    At 31 I met my now wife, 3 years later in 2009 we got married, but even now I don't feel grown up enough to have a wife and two young children!

    Worry about today tomorrow, and worry about tomorrow next week.
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24208
    Sounds to me like you're suffering with a bit of anxiety.  I would suggest doing a bit of relaxation therapy - meditation - guided relaxation videos (loads on YouTube).  Cut down on the caffeine, try chamomile tea (amazing stuff).  Stuff to slow your racing mind.
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
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  • 57Deluxe57Deluxe Frets: 7329
    Yeah - RUN! - this reads like a movie nightmare nutjob classic all over.... you will be in a shallow grave with your member in your mouth before you know it...
    <Vintage BOSS Upgrades>
    __________________________________
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