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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927
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    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927

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    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927

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    tae be or not tae be
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927

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    tae be or not tae be
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  • Phil_aka_PipPhil_aka_Pip Frets: 9794
    edited May 2015
    Old one, not so topical these days but it cracked me up when I first heard it:

    Two Palestinian women walking down the road. One tries to look backward over her shoulder and says to the other "Does my bomb look big in this?"
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24210
    edited May 2015
    Palestinian women don't bomb anyone.  Afghan or Iranian maybe.

    Otherwise... LOL :-)
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
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  • jonnyburgojonnyburgo Frets: 12258
    I came downstairs this morning to find that one of my chickens had laid an egg in the garden, so I go to get it and the neighbour who I've never liked popped his head over the fence "Oi thats my egg" he says. "how do you know?" says I. I "can tell from the speckles, my chickens all lay speckled eggs, one must have got through the hole in the fence and laid it"

    So after much arguing I say "ok I say we sort this out with a competition, we kick each other in the balls and the last man standing keeps the egg"

    "OK you're on, he says"

    So I say,  "right I'll go first"

    So i walk to the other end of the garden and take a run up and kick him in the balls as hard as I can, he falls to the ground howling and puking, tears of pain running down his face. 

    After about ten minutes of this he staggers up to his feet and says "Right, my turn you bastard!"

    To which I reply,

    "You can keep the fuckin egg!"
    "OUR TOSSPOT"
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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16255
    Rosie goes up to the Vicar after his morning service with tears in her eyes. “What’s bothering you Rosie?” asks the priest. “Oh Vicar, I’ve got some terrible news,” she replies, “my husband died last night.” “Oh Rosie, that is dreadful, Tell me, did he have any last request?” “Yes he did have one”, said Rosie. “Tell me child, what was it he asked?” “He said, please Rosie, put that bloody gun down.”
    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
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    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    image

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    The late Samuel Becket's courier company ..

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    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • RockerRocker Frets: 4947
    The drummer was fed up listening to criticism of his timing so he jumped behind a train.
    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. [Albert Einstein]

    Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    image

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    image

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
    3reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    image

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
    5reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927

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    tae be or not tae be
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5700

    One for @hootsmon

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    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15927
    nah..... I wait for the fried Mars bar van
    tae be or not tae be
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    image

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
    6reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom
  • HAL9000HAL9000 Frets: 9552
    Just been offered a job polishing mirrors.
    That's something I could see myself doing.
    I play guitar because I enjoy it rather than because I’m any good at it
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