Your best chat up lines

Legionreturns

"Wanna go halves on a bastard?" 

grungebob

Legionreturns said:

"Wanna go halves on a bastard?" 

Round here it’s was “wanna go twos up on a bastard.” 

frank1985

I've been watching you while you sleep. 

IvisonGuitars

"Can I smell your fanny??"

"NO!"

"Must be your feet then...."

Deadman

"Alright love, let's talk about the weather."

"The weather?"

"Aye, weather or not you're sucking me off tonight."

Deadman

"Love, you smell beautiful".

"Have you been cooking chips?"

RMJ

I once (long long long time ago) used  "fancy a shag" 

Worked as well.

Boom.

sev112

RMJ said:

I once (long long long time ago) used  "fancy a shag" 

Worked as well.

Boom.

Apparently it’s like selling insurance. If you ask enough people, one will say yes.

BigBearKris

Show some money, no lines needed.

Bitches come running...

scrumhalf

A couple I used to know swear that this happened.

He walked up to her with a drink in his hand, put his finger in the drink,  ran it down her top and his shirt and said "let's get out of these wet clothes".

Bucket

"Girl are you a jet ski? Because I just want to ride you for a little while and then tow you behind my car."

Dominic

20 years ago was on a ski holiday with a friend and kept bumping into a group of 5 American girls -all were great lookers and were working as promotions girls for Head (the ski manufacturers )in the Resort.......turned out they were staying in same hotel as us ......all of them were late 20s.
 We tried to chat them up ,they were polite but very cordial and non-interested until my old trick was used -my friend let slip in quick conversation that I was a well -known London hairdresser and that amongst my clients were David Beckham and Guy Ritchie etc ......Beckham seems to have been the magic word.
 Its a funny thing but as soon as a woman thinks you are a hairdresser you can run your fingers through their hair,bullshit about cuts that would suit them etc etc....they feel very unthreatened as they assume you are probably gay and make you privy to their gossip, problems,squabbles and even their love/sex life..........Of course I was able to ask " Where are you going for your holidays ?" as they were officially working .
 The bit that really convinced them was when my friend phoned my mobile from outside the hotel in a very cockney accent and pretended to be Beckham pleading with me to come back to London to do his hair at the weekend -I hammed it up my end and of course the dumb American girls wanted to say "hello" to David ....my mate( who is actually called David) duly obliged in his best Cockney accent from London ........in fact all of 20 meters outside the Hotel ...and they were thrilled.
 I kept up the hairdresser pretence and by the 2nd night I had bedded the first one but told her not to say a word to her friends or we would end up with gossip mag journalists following us around the resort because it was well known who my clients were etc............by the end of the 10 day holiday I had scored 3 out of 5 .
 My friend dines out on that one still today . 
 The idea came to me because a friend's father was a very successful hairdresser in the 70s and 80s and it was a legend at the time how many women he slept with through meeting at the Salon....he was a slightly effete Ladies Man with a Lotus ,perpetually marrying and divorcing, a real character and a true swordsman.
 I always remember him telling me and his son in the car when we were about 16 and he was taking us to a party that the best way to pull girls was to tell them that you were a Ladies Hairdresser ...............How right he was !

RMJ

sev112 said:

RMJ said:

I once (long long long time ago) used  "fancy a shag" 

Worked as well.

Boom.

Apparently it’s like selling insurance. If you ask enough people, one will say yes.

This is so true. I had no success at all using conventional tactics. So just went for the end game.

VimFuego

Dominic said:

20 years ago was on a ski holiday with a friend and kept bumping into a group of 5 American girls -all were great lookers and were working as promotions girls for Head (the ski manufacturers )in the Resort.......turned out they were staying in same hotel as us ......all of them were late 20s.
 We tried to chat them up ,they were polite but very cordial and non-interested until my old trick was used -my friend let slip in quick conversation that I was a well -known London hairdresser and that amongst my clients were David Beckham and Guy Ritchie etc ......Beckham seems to have been the magic word.
 Its a funny thing but as soon as a woman thinks you are a hairdresser you can run your fingers through their hair,bullshit about cuts that would suit them etc etc....they feel very unthreatened as they assume you are probably gay and make you privy to their gossip, problems,squabbles and even their love/sex life..........Of course I was able to ask " Where are you going for your holidays ?" as they were officially working .
 The bit that really convinced them was when my friend phoned my mobile from outside the hotel in a very cockney accent and pretended to be Beckham pleading with me to come back to London to do his hair at the weekend -I hammed it up my end and of course the dumb American girls wanted to say "hello" to David ....my mate( who is actually called David) duly obliged in his best Cockney accent from London ........in fact all of 20 meters outside the Hotel ...and they were thrilled.
 I kept up the hairdresser pretence and by the 2nd night I had bedded the first one but told her not to say a word to her friends or we would end up with gossip mag journalists following us around the resort because it was well known who my clients were etc............by the end of the 10 day holiday I had scored 3 out of 5 .
 My friend dines out on that one still today . 
 The idea came to me because a friend's father was a very successful hairdresser in the 70s and 80s and it was a legend at the time how many women he slept with through meeting at the Salon....he was a slightly effete Ladies Man with a Lotus ,perpetually marrying and divorcing, a real character and a true swordsman.
 I always remember him telling me and his son in the car when we were about 16 and he was taking us to a party that the best way to pull girls was to tell them that you were a Ladies Hairdresser ...............How right he was !

I can't believe you used lies and subterfuge to con a girl into bed with you. I'm disgusted, when I think of all the money I've wasted on rohypnol. 

Emp_Fab

meltedbuzzbox said:

paulnb57 said:

Ive got a knife

get in the van

amarok1971

My face leaves in 5 mins... be on it 

VimFuego

it puts the lotion on its skin.

not so much a chat up line, more a romantic mood enhancer. 

boogieman

Deadman said:

"Alright love, let's talk about the weather."

"The weather?"

"Aye, weather or not you're sucking me off tonight."

Ah, Sid the Sexist. 

“D’ye like jewellery pet?”

”Definitely”

”Well me cock’s a diamond, suck us off”. 

munckee

RMJ said:

sev112 said:

RMJ said:

I once (long long long time ago) used  "fancy a shag" 

Worked as well.

Boom.

Apparently it’s like selling insurance. If you ask enough people, one will say yes.

This is so true. I had no success at all using conventional tactics. So just went for the end game.

If they say no to "do you fancy a shag" then you can still try "well do you mind lying down while I have one?"

My missus was chatting to me in a pub the night we met and I mentioned that I did ju jitsu so could fight her off if I absolutely had to, she drunkenly said she could do "juji sh1t?" too and kicked me in the wrist breaking my watch and nearly my wrist.  I gave her my number as she insisted on getting it repaired and we have been married 14 years.

She never got the watch fixed though!

57Deluxe

"As long as I have a face, you will always have somewhere to sit!"