Some cracking management-speak bullhonky

Sporky

"We have to recalibrate our expectation of the level of capabilities we can field on new operations from a standing start. We've got to get back into an 'expeditionary mindset' where we will not have perfect capability for every scenario."

Taken straight from a Yahoo News story today. I wonder if the person quoted was playing buzzword bingo...

mike_l

I'm too clever/stupid enough to understand that.

WTF does it mean? In plain English

Sporky

I think it means:

"We need to think about what we'll be able to do in future. We will have to be flexible and creative as we may not have all the resources we would like."

chillidoggy

To me, it means whoever is speaking no longer has the resources to achieve a guaranteed result for any new venture, and he's warning the bosses that they're going to have to put up with the fact that the next venture (whatever it might be), is very probably going to have far less chance of a successful outcome than before, may even end up being a total shitcart, with them looking like a bunch of prize prats.

Signs of the times.

mike_l

Ah, so yep the first is Bullhonky of the highest order.

I'm still not sure even with your explanation.

 

Maybe I should become a manager??

monquixote

I think that could be summed up as "We have insufficient resources"

Jalapeno

monquixote said:

I think that could be summed up as "We have insufficient resources"

"And the ones we have lack creative flair"

maltingsaudio

Surely its only sell stuff we've got in stock and be creative in how you pitch it

TTony

monquixote said:

I think that could be summed up as "We have insufficient resources"

Or

"You think???  Dream on ...."

Sporky

Now taking bets on what sort of organisation is being talked about...

mike_l

High street bank?

[Deleted User]

Obvious need to adopt the helicopter position with that level of blue-sky thinking....

Fretwired

Back in 1980s I worked in the IT industry which was full of bullhonky ... along came Compaq which hired John Cleese who wrote and starred in some cracking adverts. I was at a product launch in London at which John presented  for an hour .. an utterly hilarious piss take on corporate speak. A few things still survive ..

chillidoggy

 

mike_l said:

Ah, so yep the first is Bullhonky of the highest order.

I'm still not sure even with your explanation.

 

Maybe I should become a manager??

Having listened to exactly this kind of twaddle for many years, one either switches off, learns to translate it, or simply asks the person spouting the rubbish to put things in plain English. Which I must confess I've taken to doing more often these days.

 

I usually do it by saying "I understand where you're coming from Mr. (insert name of dickhead here), but perhaps you could put it in more simpler terms as there may be some around the table that are not quite as familiar with the subject as you are." This usually draws a few stifled guffaws or the odd cough. Yes, it may be a puerile pastime, but I'm a great believer in plain speaking. My immediate boss and I sometimes play at trying to insert odd phrases or nouns into meetings. Last time, he beat me hands down when I bet him he'd never be able to get the word "Snickers" into a discussion about trade figures.

 

 

dafuzz

Sporky said:

"We have to recalibrate our expectation of the level of capabilities we can field on new operations from a standing start. We've got to get back into an 'expeditionary mindset' where we will not have perfect capability for every scenario."

Taken straight from a Yahoo News story today. I wonder if the person quoted was playing buzzword bingo...

To my mind that translates as "we have to accept that we're clueless as to what we should be doing in new situations".

Sounds pretty governmental to me

Sporky

richardhomer said:

Obvious need to adopt the helicopter position with that level of blue-sky thinking....

I googled "the helicopter position". Now, I'm sure there are worse things to google (suggestions not required), but I'm not sure I need to google that again.

Dafuzz is closer than Mike_L thus far. Guesswise, I mean, not as a potential partner for the helicopter position.

Zodiac51

First one - We don't have enough people to do it

2nd - We don't have the skills to do it

NickBotfield

Ha ha!  A quote from the same bloke...

"I plan to be honest, straight-talking and supportive."

mike_l

Sporky said:

Dafuzz is closer than Mike_L thus far. Guesswise, I mean, not as a potential partner for the helicopter position.

BAnk of England?

frankus

Sporky said:

"We have to recalibrate our expectation of the level of capabilities we can field on new operations from a standing start. We've got to get back into an 'expeditionary mindset' where we will not have perfect capability for every scenario."

Taken straight from a Yahoo News story today. I wonder if the person quoted was playing buzzword bingo...

Means we've got our asses handed to us when we released product A: it didn't work and the support wasn't trained to help people. Back in the day when we made stuff, released it early and involved customers in the development we were better prepared to respond to bugs and feature requests.

The issue is people forget to add the emotional weight to what they're saying - it can indicate they don't take ownership of the problem - but it makes what they've said instantly forgettable.

fatherjack

chillidoggy said:

 

Having listened to exactly this kind of twaddle for many years, one either switches off, learns to translate it, or simply asks the person spouting the rubbish to put things in plain English. Which I must confess I've taken to doing more often these days.

 

I usually do it by saying "I understand where you're coming from Mr. (insert name of dickhead here), but perhaps you could put it in more simpler terms as there may be some around the table that are not quite as familiar with the subject as you are." This usually draws a few stifled guffaws or the odd cough. Yes, it may be a puerile pastime, but I'm a great believer in plain speaking. My immediate boss and I sometimes play at trying to insert odd phrases or nouns into meetings. Last time, he beat me hands down when I bet him he'd never be able to get the word "Snickers" into a discussion about trade figures.

 

 

"And with these brilliant sales figures, I think we can safely say it's 'nickers' to our competitors."

Easy peasy.