Sat here in the airport on my way home from attending one of my friends funerals yesterday.
It’s been a tough couple of days physically (had a gig on Saturday night which meant I had to miss out on a nights sleep to get to the airport on time Sunday morning) and emotionally too.
Funeral was attended by about 500+ people, he clearly had a lot of friends.
Still stuggling to process the facts he’s no longer with us. Just makes no sense.
Also had to stand up and play one of his songs with some of his band mates during the service. Something I was only asked to do the day before I travelled. Toughest gig of my life. I couldn’t look up as his wife and son were sat right in front of me.
Anyway, back to work tomorrow. I guess that’s the point, life just goes on.
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He moved to the US to be with his long-term Girlfriend and settle there.
He fell ill with Cancer almost as soon as he arrived and after a few short years, he died there.
Call me what you like but I see him and talk to him often. He had a unique way of smiling and warming the whole room almost forcing you to smile with him no matter how bad you felt. He'd hug you as soon as he saw you and his insight into life through his own struggles and experiences made him a truly amazing person. Someone like that doesn't fade away and I knew enough about his mannerisms and his character to know what he'd look and sound like talking to me now. I'm aware that it's probably my own inner-monologue fuelling this but then the same applies to the voices in my head and I ran out of fucks to give about that a long time ago.
He studied at GIT alongside some now very big names and he was a truly gifted bass player.
I loved him like a Brother.
I hadn't heard from him for all the time he was ill and I didn't find out that he'd died until 9 months after the event. I don't see any of the crowd he knew any more and by chance, I bumped into one of them in a shop. When he told me I faced the biggest challenge I can remember, ....not screaming like a child in front of a shop full of people.
The only blessing was that I'd said a proper "Goodbye" when he left the UK but my words will haunt me forever. I knew he wanted the life he'd planned with his Girlfriend out there and I knew that Bedford hadn't ever given him much opportunity so my last words to him were,..."Good luck Brother and don't ever come back!"
Life goes on regardless, sometimes brutally but we get the choice to stay connected with the souls we've lost and carry them with us.
"All the Gods, Heavens and Hells are within you".
I hope you find some peace soon man.
@Rowby1 sounds like you did the best anyone could to honour the memory of your friend, hope you feel ok soon