The tale of the horse..

What's Hot
2»

Comments

  • scrumhalfscrumhalf Frets: 7840
    Two pieces of string walk into a pub. One of them goes up tot he bar and orders two pints of lager. The barman says "sod off, we don't serve pieces of string here".

    The piece of string goes over to his friend and says "he wouldn't serve me, he said they don't serve peices of string in this pub".

    "Leave it to me" says the other peice of string, who bends over and contorts himself into a right old mess, pulling bits of himself out all over the place.

    "Two pints of lager please."

    "'Ere," says the barman, eying him suspiciously, "are you a piece of string?"

    "No, I'm a frayed knot.".
    2reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • zepp76zepp76 Frets: 2032

    Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.

    "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.

    "Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.

    "Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.

    Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."

    "A what?" asked the builder.

    "Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"

    A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."

    "Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"

    "A pond" the builder replied.

    "Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."

    "I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.

    "Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."

    The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."

    "Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."

    "Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.

    The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."

    "Never!" the builder exclaimed.

    "Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"

    The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"

    "Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."

    "A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.

    "Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"

    "No" replied his mate.

    "Well, you're a wanker then!"

    Tomorrow will be a good day.
    6reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • AlexCAlexC Frets: 2292
    @zepp76 I genuinely laughed out loud at that! Brilliant.
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 8434

    A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman, "have you seen my brother?" 

    "I don't know" said the barman, "what does he look like?" 



    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 8434

    Two horses walk into a bar. 


    You'd have thought at least one of them would have ducked. 

    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 8434

    A bloke walks into a pub and to see a horse serving behind the bar. 

    "What you looking at?" said the horse, "haven't you seen a horse serving behind a bar before?"

    "It's not that" replies the bloke, "I'm just surprised the parrot sold the place".

    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • zepp76zepp76 Frets: 2032
    edited March 3
    Quasimodo walks into a pub and asks for a glass of whisky.

    Bells alright? Asks the barman. None of your fucking business he replies.

    Tomorrow will be a good day.
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • westwest Frets: 612
    Two fish in a tank ... one turns to the other and says ... can you drive this ? cause im fucked if i can ...
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • RandallFlaggRandallFlagg Frets: 12248
    Fella across the road from us died at the breakfast table this morning. He drowned while eating his muesli.

    He was pulled under by a strong currant


    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • zepp76zepp76 Frets: 2032
    “Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. 

    As they sipped their whiskies, the gentleman thought he’d humour the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

    The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
    Tomorrow will be a good day.
    3reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • munckeemunckee Frets: 7284
    edited March 3
    A man walks into a bar and orders 3 whiskies - the barman pours them and the man bolts them straight down. The barman says “steady on that’s a bit quick” to which the man replies “you’d drink like that if you had what I’ve got”

    the barman says “oh what have you got”  

    The man replies “about 60p!”
    5reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • horsehorse Frets: 994
    WTF?
    4reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • vizviz Frets: 7217
    horse said:
    WTF?
    Lol
    "Misogyny ... enforces sexism by punishing those who reject an inferior status for women and rewards those who accept it." - a great quote from Guitartango
    0reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
  • Danny1969Danny1969 Frets: 6332
    2 pedophiles are sitting on a park bench when a beautiful 21 year old girl walks by. One turns to the other and says "I bet she was a looker in her day" 
    www.2020studios.co.uk 
    1reaction image LOL 0reaction image Wow! 0reaction image Wisdom · Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
Sign In or Register to comment.