My curtains stink: A Tale of Woe

skunkwerx

Twas approximately 6 weeks ago I had the bedroom window open a crack, butt excuse the two puns, when a skydevil swooped, cleared his bowels and painted my curtains a shade of white with his ordinance. 

Never mind, they were old and had faded from black to blue anyway. 

I took to the online realms, browsed hundreds of pairs of drapes and compared their match to the carpet. 

I then started looking at curtains. 

I gathered I would need to draw a conclusion. 

Enough of the puns I visited Dunelm. 

It seemed hard to find a pair of blackout curtains, in plain black with the correct method of hangage. 

Anyway I found a pair, fairly cheap, they’ll do though. 

They arrived and I hastily unpacked them, keen to hang the bastards. 

Mm. Theyre stiff, like a tent material, which was disappointing as I would have liked to wear them out on occasion. 

They are also shiny which, well that just sucks balls. 

Anyway I hung them because I couldnt be arsed to fold them back up, or post them back.. or spend anymore time looking at curtains on the internet.  Amateur mistake. 

A month later theyre still hung here, doing their job, but still disappointing me. £30 well spent Skunkwerx. 

Today I came into the room, (the curtains stay drawn during the day when its sunny, to protect the guitars from the sun, and also to stop the room heating up like crazy). 

I went to open the window a bit and fuck me, a chemical smell like chlorine hit me. It took me ages of sniffing around looking like a madman to any onlookers to find out where it was coming from.. 

Turns out its the curtains! They reek of it. 

They didnt... they’ve been quite inoffensive for the past month.. yet today just decided to start stinking the place up..

Wtf. 

I think I would have been happier hanging two £10 notes and two £5 notes on the rail, and just accepting the limited cover they give. 

Freebird

You get my vote for yarn of the day 

LastMantra

Could you stick them in the washing machine? Might take the shine off and soften them up a bit too.

Kittyfrisk

Freebird said:

You get my vote for yarn of the day 

Probably not yarn based material...

fastonebaz

Pull yourself together man.

Kittyfrisk

I initially thought this would involve a degree of careless teenage post coital territorial dick wiping.
Every day's a schoolday.

jonnyburgo

I'm pretty curtain that my window of opportunity to latch on to this has passed which puts me out of the frame. 

Wazmeister

Use Fabreeze. Spray it on. Sorted.

boogieman

Wash them in beer then they’ll smell different. 

CHRISB50

We had curtains delivered from Dunelm 
last week. The blackout liner has 100’s of holes in it, in both curtains. There were splits where they’d been folded so many times to fit in the packaging. The actual curtains and their backing are fine, and they didn’t smell like a swimming pool. But the product is shit. Back they go. 

stratman3142

Freebird said:

You get my vote for yarn of the day 

 I'd go further and say it gets my vote for best thread of the year, so far.

Brio

Ive just cottoned on.

zepp76

I bought blackout curtains from Dunelm too, expensive ones and they stink too! I've used fabreeze to no avail and they are a complete bastard to keep completely closed too they just slide off of each other in the middle leaving rays of light to flood in. I'm in the process of looking for something better.

skunkwerx

zepp76 said:

I bought blackout curtains from Dunelm too, expensive ones and they stink too! I've used fabreeze to no avail and they are a complete bastard to keep completely closed too they just slide off of each other in the middle leaving rays of light to flood in. I'm in the process of looking for something better.

Yes! Same here man, the bastards just want to gather and retract!

I have buyers remorse... I shall send an email.. to someone.