Mental health struggles

hobbio

@skunkwerx whereabouts in the country are you based? There is a sure fire method of getting a MH review and probable assessment by your local team, but it'll take hours and it's quite stressful in itself.

@LastMantra The side effects I got off Mirtazapine were horrible. I also ended up od ing on it but that's another story. I've overdosed a lot.

@Axe_meister I often think about how my illness affects those around me. Tbf I probably overthink it, but then again I overthink everything. It must be difficult.

Axe_meister

hobbio said:

@skunkwerx whereabouts in the country are you based? There is a sure fire method of getting a MH review and probable assessment by your local team, but it'll take hours and it's quite stressful in itself.

@LastMantra The side effects I got off Mirtazapine were horrible. I also ended up od ing on it but that's another story. I've overdosed a lot.

@Axe_meister I often think about how my illness affects those around me. Tbf I probably overthink it, but then again I overthink everything. It must be difficult.

Nothing wrong with overthinking, when I look at my family situation I often think that if they did think about it and acted on their thoughts things might be better. E.g. After a day of negativity I might be a bit grumpy, so a demand at 11:30pm just when I going to bed might mean I snap (it's only human), this results in them thinking I don't like them which in turn feeds into their depression. Yet I've spent the day bending over backwards to make them feel comfortable (as well as holding down a career).
Alas Autism is a very inwardly looking condition (in some) almost to the point where it is exclusive to anybody else.

stonevibe

Good to have you back here fella! 

Mental health is a tough one for many of us I'm sure. I catch up with friend once or twice a week as he struggles a lot with it and so we take our dogs out for a walk and chew the fat. Yesterday he moved meds, after spending the last three weeks reducing his dose of the previous drug and so we often talk about his moods, lack of sleep etc

I think talking with others is really a good way to go and possibly sometimes it will be easier to talk with complete strangers, though I'm sure it will vary from person to person.

Thank you for opening up and sharing, and it's nice to hear everyone on here get involved in this conversation. Us men can be terrible at opening up and thankfully here on the forum, there are some absolutely amazing people. Which means we can type and chat in a friendly environment.

Anyway, enough of my rambles and its nice to have you back.

Emp_Fab

skunkwerx said:

I’ve tried twice to come off Paxil, because I really dont think I ever needed it. 

But I get the worst symptoms start no matter how slowly I wean off. I have no choice but to go back to full dose. 

I have had similar experiences with my tabs.  I reduced my dose by 1/3 a couple of weeks ago then suddenly had a really bad few days, so I'm back on the original dose again.  I can taper mine extremely finely though as they are solid tablets - I can take literally a single scrape off each tab for a week then two scrapes the following week and so on.  Can you not do that with your Paxil @skunkwerx ?

hobbio

@stonevibe cheers dude. It's really cool you're looking out for your mate, I've got some really good friends and I'd literally be dead now without them.

@Axe_meister it must be really tiring for you. You're doing great though. Just make sure you don't wear yourself out mentally too, you need to look after number one sometimes.

@Emp_fab just be careful messing with doses. Not enough meds can be just as destructive as no meds at all, and I've literally ended up in psychiatric hospital on one to one suicide watch after dropping mine. I'm not saying you'll end up like I did, but shit can creep up slowly or just explode out of nowhere and it's terrifying.

skunkwerx

Emp_Fab said:

skunkwerx said:

I’ve tried twice to come off Paxil, because I really dont think I ever needed it. 

But I get the worst symptoms start no matter how slowly I wean off. I have no choice but to go back to full dose. 

I have had similar experiences with my tabs.  I reduced my dose by 1/3 a couple of weeks ago then suddenly had a really bad few days, so I'm back on the original dose again.  I can taper mine extremely finely though as they are solid tablets - I can take literally a single scrape off each tab for a week then two scrapes the following week and so on.  Can you not do that with your Paxil @skunkwerx ?

Yeah I’ll have to give it another go tbh. I know you can get Paxil in liquid form which should make it pretty easy to measure tiny amounts!

hobbio

Got up and did the things I'm supposed to do, showered, breakfasted etc. Went to the chiropractor, decided to walk instead of the bus, felt great after my appointment and went home.

As soon as I got in I immediately started to spiral. Hate this.

LastMantra

hobbio said:

Got up and did the things I'm supposed to do, showered, breakfasted etc. Went to the chiropractor, decided to walk instead of the bus, felt great after my appointment and went home.

As soon as I got in I immediately started to spiral. Hate this.

You did good. You got things done and chose to walk which is really positive. Don't be too hard on yourself. Baby steps. 

Can you think if anything triggered the spiral? Do you like where you live? Is there something about your place that bothers you? Maybe a spring clean or change, move the furniture around, could help?

hobbio

Quite the opposite tbh, I love my little studio flat now. I was in a tiny place before I moved last year and it was crack head central, which as you can imagine didn't help me stop binging.

I really don't know what's up with me atm.

LastMantra

That's a big positive too. Just try and focus on what you did achieve. See how you feel tomorrow and if you're up to it try and push yourself a bit more. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Hope you feel better soon mate.

hobbio

Cheers dude. Gonna chuck a backing track on YouTube and play some bass

stickyfiddle

Good thread. I've been depressed on and off (mostly on) for a good few years, and with anxiety going through the roof in the last couple. That led to a long weekend in a luxury villa seeing my watching TV miserable on the sofa, I thought I ought to do something about it. I tried CBT for a bit but I didn't find any real benefit there. 

I've been on Cipralex for a couple of months and feeling a lot better. Still nowhere near 100% but much calmer and able to at least attempt to get in better control of the shit that was leading to it - a lot of that is internal, and some is external. I'm very much a work-in-progress...

hobbio

Anxiety, depression, disassociation, paranoia, emotional disregulation, mood cycling, even hearing voices at times. It's horrible. 

I think the trick with CBT (or DBT) is to go into it with a positive attitude, which, for people suffering like some of the people in this thread, isn't exactly easy.

I've completed Living Skills Group twice, and Compassionate Mind Group once because everyone says I'm too hard on myself. LSG helped a bit and it's based on DBT,  bit CMG was less helpful for me. Partly because I struggle really hard with being kind to myself and partly because I relapsed on dark and light during the course. Them we went into lockdown and that's been a special kind of hell all of its own.

ThePrettyDamned

Been working on mine since I was 18. I'm 30 now.

Getting help saved my life, but change doesn't happen overnight and, well, I see this as something I'll manage for the rest of my life.

Glad to hear you're doing alright. Hang in there, it gets easier. 

hobbio

Thanks. Another up and down day today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

jonnyburgo

Best of luck guys, sometimes the mind can be a right bastard, I believe that we all struggle at times, diagnosed or not. I went through a long period of anxiety/paranoia/depression in my early 20s, when I was using a lot of "recreational" drugs. 

My thought processes have stopped me from doing a lot of things that I should have done and the resultant anger and sense of wasted opportunities sometimes still bites hard and I'm nearly 50. I think you have to be kind to yourself, absolutely fuck all you can do about the past. I wish we could all be free of the shit that makes us feel like this.

I think our expectations on ourselves have a massive effect on our mental health, I know people who have worked their bollocks off to get to the top only to find that the crock of gold is actually full of shit! So much societal and social and self-imposed pressure, the hamster wheel of life

But we are all different and all the same at the same time, if that makes sense. we all have our ways of managing, If I didnt cycle in the hills like a mad man and swim in really cold water I really don't think I'd be here.

Love and best wishes to you all x

RustySpanner

I'm waiting for my DBT. Talking therapy is the way forward for me.

Hiya!

DBT is a superb form of therapy and it sounds like it would really benefit you, I hope you can get access to a course ASAP. 

Thanks for your posts. it's hard to share this stuff but you'd be surprised how many people will identify with exactly what you're experiencing. 

Keep on keeping on. Stay strong until you get the help you need. 

Other end of the country but please give us a shout if you need a chat.

Take care,

Love, light and peace,

Pete. 

cm01

I'm working in the AOD area and from what I've observed, it's worth any guy who's struggling with depression getting their testosterone levels checked, especially if there's a history of opiate use, which can tank your testosterone... I see lots of guys on TRT (replacement therapy) who've ditched their meds as a result and say it's worked wonders for their mental health.

The other area where more research is now happening is in the area of psychedelics and mental health.  A colleague of mine who suffered terrible depression and didn't get on at all with SSRI's participated in an Ayahuasca ceremony and is now off all his meds and doing really well - it completely changed his life.  Lots of studies going on into the therapeutic use of MDMA and PTSD too, which is interesting.

hobbio

@cm01 I've abused steroids in the past too, so low test is something that's definitely been on my mind.

Last year during one of my blood tests I asked them to check my test levels. The doc said they came back as fine but I was never given the actual numbers. I might ask for it to be checked again.

As for psychedelics and mandy, I've been reading about that too. I'm not sure though because I've done lots and lots of both over the years and I'm hesitant to use anything mood altering now that I'm clean.

hobbio

@RustySpanner I had my DBT assessment last year and went onto the waiting list in January. Hopefully it'll be within the next couple of months.