Mental health struggles

hobbio

@jonnyburgo thanks for the comments. The only thing I'd disagree with is that you can't do anything about the past. When you're a trauma survivor then the past is something that you absolutely have to work through or nothing will ever change. 

jonnyburgo

hobbio said:

@jonnyburgo thanks for the comments. The only thing I'd disagree with is that you can't do anything about the past. When you're a trauma survivor then the past is something that you absolutely have to work through or nothing will ever change. 

Hi mate, yeah, I see what you are saying, and with the greatest respect what I meant is we can't change it, however you are right we can work through it and reframe it. 

cm01

hobbio said:

@cm01 I've abused steroids in the past too, so low test is something that's definitely been on my mind.

Last year during one of my blood tests I asked them to check my test levels. The doc said they came back as fine but I was never given the actual numbers. I might ask for it to be checked again.

As for psychedelics and mandy, I've been reading about that too. I'm not sure though because I've done lots and lots of both over the years and I'm hesitant to use anything mood altering now that I'm clean.

Definitely worth getting your levels tested I reckon - it’s not just your overall level that’s important, there are a few different measures (free testosterone, SHBG etc) that give an overall picture.

There’s some great info on Reddit in the r/testosterone sub reddit.

Totally understand your reservations re: psychedelics ... the Ayahuasca seems to be a last resort for a lot of people but does seem to ‘reset’ a lot of people and helps develop neural pathways and increase brain plasticity... but it’s not for everyone!

skullfunkerry

hobbio said:

Am I the only one here with diagnosed MH problems who is also comfortable about discussing them? There's such a stigma even these days.

I posted on here fairly recently about an online journal website that I use more or less daily, which I found incredibly useful especially in the early part of last year when I was really struggling with lockdown. It's run by a company called Sanctus and their whole thing is de-stigmatising mental health.

I've always tried to be open about my own MH and as lots have mentioned on here already there are a fair few of us who are happy to talk about it, but on the whole there's still such a massive thing about admitting that you're struggling, and I really don't get it. People wouldn't be embarrassed to say they'd gone to hospital for an operation, or to A&E because they've broken something in an accident, but mental health issues are still seen as a sign of weakness. It's changing, but very slowly.

All the best to you @hobbio - I'm glad that you're finding some ways through. There are lots of us on here to talk to if you feel like you need to lean on someone.

Axe_meister

As a massive Tolkien fan I can forgive the shortcomings in the LOTR films. The scouring of the Shire would have been too much for the average audience as it would be quite a let down after the horror of Mordor. But yes the hobbit could have been done in one long film or 2 Normal length movies. I would still have kept the Dul Guldar scenes as they are fairly important to bridge the Hobbit and LOTRs and explain Gandalf's absence. But the whole story of them being followed by Orcs, etc was just too much, the love interest was just crap and the dwarves did not look like dwarves.

earwighoney

Axe_meister said:

As a massive Tolkien fan I can forgive the shortcomings in the LOTR films. The scouring of the Shire would have been too much for the average audience as it would be quite a let down after the horror of Mordor. But yes the hobbit could have been done in one long film or 2 Normal length movies. I would still have kept the Dul Guldar scenes as they are fairly important to bridge the Hobbit and LOTRs and explain Gandalf's absence. But the whole story of them being followed by Orcs, etc was just too much, the love interest was just crap and the dwarves did not look like dwarves.

Wrong thread.

hobbio

I've just realised I've run out of medication. That's me awake all night then.

I'm deffo gonna request a testosterone level check.

@skullfunkerry I use a MH forum too, and it has a journal section. PM me if you want me to link you to it, it's a pretty helpful place even if there are clashes sometimes.

hobbio

Psychiatrist has just upped my meds. Let's see if it has any impact.

LastMantra

hobbio said:

Psychiatrist has just upped my meds. Let's see if it has any impact.

Hope it's an improvement. 

I understand not wanting to take medication. I've been the same, just wanting to get off it quickly as possible. If it's helping though there's no rush. It can take a long time to start working properly too, I'm sure you understand, and starting/stopping all the time isn't helpful really. So give it a chance.

hobbio

Yeah. It's not a massive increase tbh, just 50mg of quetiapine in the morning to go along with my 209mg at night. I've managed to keep my meds fairly minimal for a little while now.

hobbio

Meds change has wiped me out. I had no idea that 50mg of quetiapine in the morning would put my ass back to sleep and then leave me like a zombie when I woke up again.

I'd better get used to this quickly cos I can't live life this way.

stickyfiddle

+1 on T levels. I was very low and still am a little - that's most likely down to high cortisol from work stress, which of course becomes a vicious cycle. I tried booster jabs and they helped but not enough to take control of the stress and hence give me a longer-term fix. 

So far brain meds seem much more effective and I feel like I'm in more control, which reduces the cortisol and hopefully becomes a virtuous cycle over the next few months. We'll see. 

I hope you can get to a similar place.

LastMantra

hobbio said:

Meds change has wiped me out. I had no idea that 50mg of quetiapine in the morning would put my ass back to sleep and then leave me like a zombie when I woke up again.

I'd better get used to this quickly cos I can't live life this way.

That's what I've been like for a while. Just really tired all the time can't be bothered doing anything. Real struggle just to get up in the morning. 

Now that I'm trying to be more active and pushing myself more I am starting to feel a bit better though

It could well not be the right thing for you but try not to worry too much about how you feel just now things should improve with time. 

Take it easy.

hobbio

@stickyfiddle I'm booked in for routine appointment in a week or so, I had to do it this way to request a test level check because it's not an emergency. If am low then I'll happily take a test jab every couple of weeks. 

hobbio

@LastMantra cheers dude. I was just surprised that a quarter dose of my night meds in the morning could fuck me up so much.

LastMantra

hobbio said:

@LastMantra cheers dude. I was just surprised that a quarter dose of my night meds in the morning could fuck me up so much.

I remember one morning before work feeling really bad so I took one of my (30mg) mirtazapine. Could hardly keep my eyes open all morning and had to go home early. Never did that again!

hobbio

Made it out to a jam today, and picked up my PRS from the shop on the way. It was in for a set up cos it's never had one. 

It was good to play with actual people again. Drums, guitar, keys, couple of vocalists. Few improvised jams and we busked out a couple of songs. Bit of a 90's vibe with The Charlatans and Primal Scream.

I wanted to play a bit of bass too but I was the only guitarist there. The keys handled the low notes instead.

Emp_Fab

Does anyone else ever feel like they're just hanging on sometimes ?  That you're just a couple of steps away from finding yourself sitting on a bench in the grounds of a psychiatric hospital...   When I feel happy and confident, such thoughts seem utterly alien - even yesterday, walking to my car I was thinking back to a recent episode of anxiety and it felt like that person and I were different people.  Looking from the outside, in - the mess I was in seemed almost incomprehensible.  Then out of the blue it sideswipes you again...   when you think you're clear of the turmoil and feel you're on the up - out of nowhere it takes your legs from beneath you and you realise that for all the confidence and happiness you feel at any one moment, you're not safe from it.  You're not walking on solid ground, you're walking on a tightrope.

hobbio

@Emp_Fab Every day mate, except I know that they're not gonna send me back to psychiatric. I can think back to periods where I was really bad, rapid mood cycling every few minutes and absolutely not in control and it seems a world away from where I am now. 

I know that I can change on any given day. Sometimes several times a day. It's scary not being in charge of my own emotions.

hobbio

Right in the middle of a major incident. Can't control my mood. Tried calling my MH team, my CCO is off sick so they said they'd get someone to call me back urgently. That was at ten to eleven this morning, no call yet. I can't call 111 cos I hate the fucking useless MH team there. I'm running out of options. And time.