anyone here suffer from body dysmorphia?

Mattharrier

I think there are a couple of elements to this. Firstly, lots of people worry too much about their appearance - I for instance am very aware of the fact that one ear is higher than the other, one eye is higher than the other, and my chin points off to the right. My jaw also seems to default to a gormless, slightly jutting position - but it's just a perfectly normal part of being alive. I doubt there is anyone who actively cares about their appearance and is totally happy with it.

The other element is whether someone is latching onto a label to quantify and make sense of their feelings about themselves, or whether they genuinely have a diagnosable, medically recognised condition. I'm certainly no expert, but if you experience all of the criteria you've listed, then that sounds like you've got BDD - I certainly don't get those (I don't spend much time looking in a mirror, but this is largely because I don't shave regularly and I've had the same hair style for over 20 years which doesn't require drying, much less brushing) other than the skin picking (which I wouldn't say is about making anything smooth, but is more about some obsessive compulsive tendencies I have), so I am certain that I don't - my "flaws" are real, they just aren't important (or at least aren't important enough for me to do anything about them).

If you're concerned, go and see someone (if you haven't already of course). There will be someone who can a ) diagnose you properly and b ) give you some methods to help manage it on a day to day, and long term basis. Good luck, and remember - it's what on the inside that really matters (a subject on which my personal self-loathing is based :-D)

Philly_Q

ThePrettyDamned said:

I do, or did once, to my right foot. That might sound weird, but it has caused issues in the past.

It is a rubbish foot. It has had problems and, given the choice, I'd have had it removed. Sometimes I still want it gone, even though it functions as a foot. 

This is less of a problem now I take my mental health seriously, but I still hate that foot.

I can relate to this, although perhaps not in a body dysmorphia sense... I've had a problem with my left foot, for the last year or so.  Not as serious as yours, I'm sure, and I certainly haven't thought about getting it removed, but it hasn't gone away and it has preyed on my mind a lot (along with various other things which have preyed on my mind these last 12 months).

My "solution" now - for the mind problem, not the foot problem - is to never look at my feet (the right one is OK but sometimes it's hard to look at one foot and not the other).  So having a bath, changing socks, whatever... I don't look at my feet.  Actually maybe that is body dysmorphia, although the issue with my foot is real.

ThePrettyDamned

Philly_Q said:

ThePrettyDamned said:

I do, or did once, to my right foot. That might sound weird, but it has caused issues in the past.

It is a rubbish foot. It has had problems and, given the choice, I'd have had it removed. Sometimes I still want it gone, even though it functions as a foot. 

This is less of a problem now I take my mental health seriously, but I still hate that foot.

I can relate to this, although perhaps not in a body dysmorphia sense... I've had a problem with my left foot, for the last year or so.  Not as serious as yours, I'm sure, and I certainly haven't thought about getting it removed, but it hasn't gone away and it has preyed on my mind a lot (along with various other things which have preyed on my mind these last 12 months).

My "solution" now - for the mind problem, not the foot problem - is to never look at my feet (the right one is OK but sometimes it's hard to look at one foot and not the other).  So having a bath, changing socks, whatever... I don't look at my feet.  Actually maybe that is body dysmorphia, although the issue with my foot is real.

I'm so glad I'm not alone!

Mine is weird. My feet are a strange shape (very, very wide) but the right foot also has eczema that's very bad when it flares up (oh boy, I bet you think I'm sexy now!).

This adds up to something that has frustrated me and been "ugly" to me since I was a teenager, and it came to a head when I deliberately shut it in a car door because I wanted rid. It was a stupid, shameful thing to do. 

Thankfully, it wasn't effective. Didn't even need to see a doctor - I had a cut and a big bruise but not much else to show. As luck would have it, a news report on the BBC that same week was about body dismorphia and I immediately understood why I felt the way I did. Ever since, I've treated it the same way I manage my depression and I've been absolutely fine with it. It is amazing how powerful and how fragile my tiny, smooth brain is... 

WiresDreamDisasters

@ThePrettyDamned ;

I'm glad we're not calling you ThePegleggedDamned.

DrCornelius

I was in a local pub about 3 years ago and a group of drunk yummy mummy’s kept looking over at my little group and smiling.

I look like a old grey horse that’s been beaten with a shovel so assumed they liked the look of someone else in my group so when a couple wandered over I went to step back.

To my absolute joy the ‘leader’ of the group invited me to join them for a drink as ‘half of our group think you are really handsome and the other half think you are really really ugly’

I was well pleased with that and just goes to show people don’t always see what you see in the mirror (well the really hammered ones don’t)

Philly_Q

ThePrettyDamned said:

Philly_Q said:

ThePrettyDamned said:

I do, or did once, to my right foot. That might sound weird, but it has caused issues in the past.

It is a rubbish foot. It has had problems and, given the choice, I'd have had it removed. Sometimes I still want it gone, even though it functions as a foot. 

This is less of a problem now I take my mental health seriously, but I still hate that foot.

I can relate to this, although perhaps not in a body dysmorphia sense... I've had a problem with my left foot, for the last year or so.  Not as serious as yours, I'm sure, and I certainly haven't thought about getting it removed, but it hasn't gone away and it has preyed on my mind a lot (along with various other things which have preyed on my mind these last 12 months).

My "solution" now - for the mind problem, not the foot problem - is to never look at my feet (the right one is OK but sometimes it's hard to look at one foot and not the other).  So having a bath, changing socks, whatever... I don't look at my feet.  Actually maybe that is body dysmorphia, although the issue with my foot is real.

I'm so glad I'm not alone!

Mine is weird. My feet are a strange shape (very, very wide) but the right foot also has eczema that's very bad when it flares up (oh boy, I bet you think I'm sexy now!).

This adds up to something that has frustrated me and been "ugly" to me since I was a teenager, and it came to a head when I deliberately shut it in a car door because I wanted rid. It was a stupid, shameful thing to do. 

Thankfully, it wasn't effective. Didn't even need to see a doctor - I had a cut and a big bruise but not much else to show. As luck would have it, a news report on the BBC that same week was about body dismorphia and I immediately understood why I felt the way I did. Ever since, I've treated it the same way I manage my depression and I've been absolutely fine with it. It is amazing how powerful and how fragile my tiny, smooth brain is... 

I'm very glad to hear you've learned to manage it!

OK, here's mine.... for the last several years, my feet have started to swell up during the summer months, ridiculous as it sounds!  The left is more affected than the right, sometimes it's the whole of my lower left leg.  Normally they just look a bit "puffy", which goes away temporarily when I wear shoes and walk around for a while.  But anyway, it always went away when the weather got cooler, until the next spring/summer.

Last June there was a really hot spell and my left foot went very bad - so swollen that my ankle bones and achilles tendon were completely invisible, I couldn't flex the ankle at all, had difficulty putting shoes on and it actually hurt for the first time.  I tried consulting the GP - in lockdown, so it was a stupid online consultation and all they suggested was elevating it... thanks a bunch, doc.  It gradually got better over the next couple of months and I kept counting down - it'll be back to normal by the end of September... October... November... but it never happened.  The pain went, most of the swelling went, but now my right foot is white, skinny and bony and my left foot is permanently pink and a bit puffy.  I hate looking at it.

This summer, especially the two very hot spells we've had, the swelling has come back big time, but not as bad as last year, and no pain.  So maybe it is very gradually improving.  I hope it doesn't get worse as I get older, it makes me feel like a freak.  I've never been one to wear shorts in the summer, but now I wouldn't even consider it.

There you go, that's me flying my freak flag high.

Iamnobody

It’s a curious thing isn’t it, a lot of body builders have BDD hence the need to get bigger and bigger. They look in the mirror and see a small man.  

Certain things you can’t really change. Your height, hairline, boat race etc are luck of they draw. 

We are all different and all the better for it, make the best of what you’ve got and try and turn any quirks to your advantage where possible. 

WiresDreamDisasters

Iamnobody said:

It’s a curious thing isn’t it, a lot of body builders have BDD hence the need to get bigger and bigger. They look in the mirror and see a small man.  

Certain things you can’t really change. Your height, hairline, boat race etc are luck of they draw. 

We are all different and all the better for it, make the best of what you’ve got and try and turn any quirks to your advantage where possible. 

That's actually what 'The Satanic Witch' says too. I remember reading it as a 14 year old and thinking... hmmm okay.... my ludicrously curly hair doesn't make me such a cunt after all...



.... then I went and lost it all!!

Kittyfrisk

DrCornelius said:

I was in a local pub about 3 years ago and a group of drunk yummy mummy’s kept looking over at my little group and smiling.

I look like a old grey horse that’s been beaten with a shovel so assumed they liked the look of someone else in my group so when a couple wandered over I went to step back.

To my absolute joy the ‘leader’ of the group invited me to join them for a drink as ‘half of our group think you are really handsome and the other half think you are really really ugly’

I was well pleased with that and just goes to show people don’t always see what you see in the mirror (well the really hammered ones don’t)

So did you get laid? And by which group? 
Devil's in the details 

DrCornelius

Kittyfrisk said:

DrCornelius said:

I was in a local pub about 3 years ago and a group of drunk yummy mummy’s kept looking over at my little group and smiling.

I look like a old grey horse that’s been beaten with a shovel so assumed they liked the look of someone else in my group so when a couple wandered over I went to step back.

To my absolute joy the ‘leader’ of the group invited me to join them for a drink as ‘half of our group think you are really handsome and the other half think you are really really ugly’

I was well pleased with that and just goes to show people don’t always see what you see in the mirror (well the really hammered ones don’t)

So did you get laid? And by which group? 
Devil's in the details 

Haha nope , I’m married and my Mrs is way out of my league so I’m very happy on that front.

Turns out one of the enthusiastic ones was married to a bloke I did some work for and he is huge and known for having a temper . Once I worked that out I scuttled back to the safety of my drinking buddies :-)

DrJazzTap

Absolutely. I was a chubby kid and was I bullied because of it. I then had very low levels of confidence throughout my 20s. I could never see what others could see, i was too afraid to even talk to a woman in a bar. Fearing rejection or that she'd laugh at me "what's this ugly man doing chatting to me?" etc

I always focused in on a tiny bit of fat, my friends fiance would point out a woman in a nightclub looking at me or something. And i'd think "she's not looking at me, why would she be?" Despite being set up on dates with some incredibly good looking women through mutual friends, i always had that low opinion of myself.

I've never had an issue with not eating, I can eat like a pig (hence the chubby kid). The media does project this toxic image of a perfect body. Every man has to be ripped, as well as being intellectual and having a great sense of humour. And even when you know that it's incredibly hard to get a 6 pack etc, that doesnt stop you from feeling like shit when you dont have one. And I know it's ten times worse for a woman. I would hate to be a young woman in today's media drenched environment.

I am into little sayings and mantras and one which helped me was "beauty without virtue, is like a rose without a scent".  Sure i may not look like Brad Pitt etc, but I'm not walking idiot.

I'm 40 now, and i think as you get older (well for me) you give less fucks as to what people think of you. I am still overweight (not the heaviest i've been, but not in great shape). I will lose some weight, but ultimately I am happy with myself.

Dominic

Philly_Q said:

ThePrettyDamned said:

I do, or did once, to my right foot. That might sound weird, but it has caused issues in the past.

It is a rubbish foot. It has had problems and, given the choice, I'd have had it removed. Sometimes I still want it gone, even though it functions as a foot. 

This is less of a problem now I take my mental health seriously, but I still hate that foot.

I can relate to this, although perhaps not in a body dysmorphia sense... I've had a problem with my left foot, for the last year or so.  Not as serious as yours, I'm sure, and I certainly haven't thought about getting it removed, but it hasn't gone away and it has preyed on my mind a lot (along with various other things which have preyed on my mind these last 12 months).

My "solution" now - for the mind problem, not the foot problem - is to never look at my feet (the right one is OK but sometimes it's hard to look at one foot and not the other).  So having a bath, changing socks, whatever... I don't look at my feet.  Actually maybe that is body dysmorphia, although the issue with my foot is real.

Daniel Day-Lewis in there somewhere

Dominic

I have quite a big nose  .......my siblings teased me about it as teenagers 
I remember being quite conscious of it as a late teen but not to the extent that it was an issue
One of my daughters has my nose but a smaller version and goes on and on about getting a nose job

digitalscream

ADMIN NOTE:

Obvious trolling on a valuable thread removed.

As you were.

Philly_Q

Dominic said:

I have quite a big nose  .......my siblings teased me about it as teenagers 
I remember being quite conscious of it as a late teen but not to the extent that it was an issue
One of my daughters has my nose but a smaller version and goes on and on about getting a nose job

Quite often when I've watched programmes or read articles about people wanting plastic surgery, I find it hard to understand how they pinpointed what they didn't like about their looks. 

If it's a large mole, or ears which stick out, or yes, maybe a very big nose, then of course I can see their point of view, even if I don't agree that it looks bad.  But so many people, from Hollywood stars to regular people, are obsessed with having work done when others would think there was nothing at all "wrong".

I don't particularly like my face, but I'd find it very hard to say well, if I fixed that one feature I'd look fucking great.  I think all my features are pretty "normal"... they just don't combine together very well. 

Blackjack

I can totally relate to this.  I absolutely hate myself physically. It affects virtually everything that I do.  I was a fat kid and always been a big adult.  I don’t feel worthy of anyone wanting to be my friend and it has played havoc with my relationships.  Hubby doesn’t have any interest in sex with me despite me being the size I am when we married. Just hate myself totally. 

boogieman

Philly_Q said:

Dominic said:

I have quite a big nose  .......my siblings teased me about it as teenagers 
I remember being quite conscious of it as a late teen but not to the extent that it was an issue
One of my daughters has my nose but a smaller version and goes on and on about getting a nose job

Quite often when I've watched programmes or read articles about people wanting plastic surgery, I find it hard to understand how they pinpointed what they didn't like about their looks. 

If it's a large mole, or ears which stick out, or yes, maybe a very big nose, then of course I can see their point of view, even if I don't agree that it looks bad.  But so many people, from Hollywood stars to regular people, are obsessed with having work done when others would think there was nothing at all "wrong".

I don't particularly like my face, but I'd find it very hard to say well, if I fixed that one feature I'd look fucking great.  I think all my features are pretty "normal"... they just don't combine together very well. 

I think some of these people have low self esteem and get obsessed with “if I just get this bit fixed then I’ll look great and be more confident”. But then they find something else wrong to worry about. Lolo Ferrari and Joycelyn Wildenstein are extreme examples of this. They must see something different to the rest of us if they think they look “better” after surgery. 

 

WiresDreamDisasters

DrCornelius said:

my Mrs is way out of my league

I've been told this a lot over the years. All the 'punching above your weight' comments that are meant to be compliments to the wife, but obviously built into them are insults against oneself. They're harmless in isolation, but after nearly 20 years of them... ehhhh... starts to grate a little. Feeds into the whole self perception thing too. I guess fundamentally this is all a head games thing, mostly.

WiresDreamDisasters

Blackjack said:

I can totally relate to this.  I absolutely hate myself physically. It affects virtually everything that I do.  I was a fat kid and always been a big adult.  I don’t feel worthy of anyone wanting to be my friend and it has played havoc with my relationships.  Hubby doesn’t have any interest in sex with me despite me being the size I am when we married. Just hate myself totally. 

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like there's a lot to unpack there. You might want to explore some of the Talking Therapies services with the NHS. You can refer yourself, and it might be good for you to explore what's going on. If there are things you can do to improve your happiness, then you should try to do them. Easier said than done I suppose. No sense in hating yourself totally forever.

DrCornelius

WiresDreamDisasters said:

DrCornelius said:

my Mrs is way out of my league

I've been told this a lot over the years. All the 'punching above your weight' comments that are meant to be compliments to the wife, but obviously built into them are insults against oneself. They're harmless in isolation, but after nearly 20 years of them... ehhhh... starts to grate a little. Feeds into the whole self perception thing too. I guess fundamentally this is all a head games thing, mostly.

That’s a good point , I’m not a deep thinker tbh - I splash around in the shallow end . I feel like we are a good match and have been together since we were at school . However I think if we did split I’d probably start to get a bit down on myself as it’s an easy thing to fall into when you lose a bit of confidence and self esteem.