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poopotpoopot Frets: 8181
That moment when someone says a phrase wrong and you leave it too long to correct them!…

the mrs has a meeting today with…

”the head poncho”
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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 8723
    edited January 14
    My mother in law always says “don’t knock yourself up” instead of beat yourself up. 
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  • TanninTannin Frets: 1094
    edited January 14
    Knocking yourself up would be quite a trick!

    (We'll just call you Mary.)
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  • TanninTannin Frets: 1094
    edited January 14
    Wrong thread
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  • BillDLBillDL Frets: 694
    edited January 14
    I used to work with a guy who continually got adages / axioms muddled up, usually by combining the start of one with the end of a completely different one.  We all used to try and gently correct him in a non-ridiculing way, but he would just stop using that one and move onto another contrived one, so we gave up.  One of his best was "Well, you know what they say, you can drag a dead horse to water ...".  He would come out with other contorted figures of speech like "Now, don't get yourself wrong, but ..."
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  • RolandRoland Frets: 6236
    Dr Spooner I presume
    Known here as Old Misery Guts or the Big Bad Classified's Sheriff. Also guitarist with  https://www.undercoversband.com/.
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  • My ex had a whole load of these…

    ”Don’t mind me, I’m just talking out loud” instead of thinking out loud.

    ”Fire in the hold”

    She pronounced “vehement” as “venoment”
    Too much gain... is just about enough \m/

    I'm probably only member of this forum mentioned by name in Whiskey in the Jar

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  • She was just lying there in the fecal position
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  • boogiemanboogieman Frets: 9226
    Danny Baker used to do a slot on his radio program about this kind of thing, called Mis-pronoun-ing 

    I had an ancient great aunty who used to go up to the upper floors of a shop on an “escanumerator”. She also told me once that her son couldn’t come to meet me because he had car problems. “He’s burnt his crutch out”. 

    Oh and my mother apparently has a bank account with Santana. 
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  • CMW335CMW335 Frets: 1470
    My wife thought the word “Nonce” meant you were just being a bit silly and declared on Facebook she was “such a nonce” when posting about being absent minded one day!! 
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 3071
    Mrs Bert does it all the time,   so much so that we name it after her   (as opposed to a malapropism)

    Seriously,  she does about 2 or 3 a week..................I keep meaning to write/record them
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • BodBod Frets: 658
    An ex-colleague of mine always used "Put your head above the pulpit"

    My young daughter once placed a glass of water on my beside table with a note that said "To clench your thirst".
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  • scrumhalfscrumhalf Frets: 8752
    Our now-departed office manager was trying to get a small filing cabinet to fit under my desk.

    It didn't help that she was looking for a "pedal stool". 
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  • BodBod Frets: 658
    Creme de la menthe was another from my ex-colleague.
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  • poopotpoopot Frets: 8181
    My other favourite of hers was:

    all those people that were effected by the “tutsutnami” in Thailand!!!!
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  • MusicwolfMusicwolf Frets: 2484
    A French colleague of mine confessed to me that, when she was decorating her new house in the UK, she went to B&Q and asked to buy a Dildo rail.
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  • AK99AK99 Frets: 569
    edited January 14
    I had an old boss who frequently pulled odd similes out of dear knows where.

    The one that always stuck with me was him urging caution within earshot of his own boss - Careful what you say lad, that chap's got ears like a hawk.
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 21853
    A colleague of mine used to drive me up the wall, she was always saying "Could you be more pacific?"
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  • lovestrat74lovestrat74 Frets: 1321
    poopot said:
    That moment when someone says a phrase wrong and you leave it too long to correct them!…

    the mrs has a meeting today with…

    ”the head poncho”
    Maybe he wears a cape
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  • LastMantraLastMantra Frets: 2092
    edited January 14
    scrumhalf said:
    Our now-departed office manager was trying to get a small filing cabinet to fit under my desk.

    It didn't help that she was looking for a "pedal stool". 

    Sounds like a damp squid. 

    IT Crowd. 
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  • Dave Gorman once did a whole section of The World is Goodish on the preponderance of these on Twitter, but what he was pointing out was not that they were wrong - anyone can be wrong - it was that when challenged, these people usually get really upset and vehemently, or indeed, venomently, insist that they're right. He called them catphrases, not catchphrases.

    For instance, "It's a doggy dog world" or "right from the gecko" or "escape goat" or "a bowl in a china shop."

    I used to work with a guy who had so many, his colleagues made up a list of about 60 or 70, including "Grab the bull while the iron is hot" and stuff like that.

    And I'll never forget being told I was being a typically arrogant snob when I laughed at an idiot who tried to explain what the objet d'art of the exercise was. (To be fair to me, there was a colossal amount of other evidence that he was an idiot.)


    If you must have sex with a frog, wear a condom. If you want the frog to have fun, rib it.
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