Too late to correct.

scrumhalf

"right from the gecko" is going to keep me giggling stupidly all weekend.

HerbieTheRadDorklift

TheOtherDennis said:

And I'll never forget being told I was being a typically arrogant snob when I laughed at an idiot who tried to explain what the objet d'art of the exercise was. (To be fair to me, there was a colossal amount of other evidence that he was an idiot.)

What on earth did he think he was saying?

Bod

Adam and Joe used to do a bit on their 6 Music show called "Eggcorns". 

Favourites from that were "That's put the catamonkeypigeon" and "This room looks like a bomseytit"

mudslide73

My wife uses "no great shakes" in place of "it's no skin off my nose" - I've tried to gently tell her but she won't stop saying it. 

I think the Charvel colour Specific Ocean is a pun on the Pacific/specific mixup.

AK99

TheOtherDennis said:

For instance, "It's a doggy dog world" or "right from the gecko" or "escape goat" or "a bowl in a china shop."

Those are all rather excellent..

Dominic

Roland said:

Dr Spooner I presume

and his wife.......Mrs Malaprop

AK99

mudslide73 said:

My wife uses "no great shakes" in place of "it's no skin off my nose" - I've tried to gently tell her but she won't stop saying it. 

I think the Charvel colour Specific Ocean is a pun on the Pacific/specific mixup.

AFAIK No great shakes is commonplace enough - similar to No Big Deal.

(She might be on the honey-shot with that one.. )

Dominic

I had to suffer a dinner sitting next to a very pompous but badly educated idiot
After a fine 5 course working dinner he had become increasingly vocal to make himself sound important and impress two very eminent people who were hosting.......
He took it upon himself to stand up at the end and raise a toast them and their fine fayre by thanking them for the dinner and commenting that such fine food and wine left him feeling " very EFFLUENT "
He was totally obnoxious so myself and others pissed ourselves laughing without mercy

rogd

Mrs rog cannot say skeleton and Jeremy. Comes out as skelington and Jeremoney. She gets awfully upset when the kids and I take the piss.
We had a landlady in our local pub who informed the assembled company one evening that she had been to the hairdressers for a blowjob!!

Scotty55

Roland said:

Dr Spooner I presume

Frm "I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue", a discussion about the Revd. Spooner's time at Oxford and his pastimes when there. His book was called "Care of Punts".

Scotty55

From The Apprentice - It's not rocket surgery.

bertie

rogd said:

Mrs rog cannot say skeleton and Jeremy. Comes out as skelington and Jeremoney. She gets awfully upset when the kids and I take the piss.
We had a landlady in our local pub who informed the assembled company one evening that she had been to the hairdressers for a blowjob!!

Mick Huckernall 

# Would I lie To You  / Katherine Parkinson 

poopot

Ffs… just got in… asked how the meeting went… ok apparently…

then I get, not “how was your day?” Etc

but….

”how tall was Jesus?”

FML

Tannin

My favourite comes from a football club forum I'm a member of. We were discussing some proposed tactic or other and someone said "On no, we'd never do that here, it's not in our D and A."

Handsome_Chris

poopot said:

Ffs… just got in… asked how the meeting went… ok apparently…

then I get, not “how was your day?” Etc

but….

”how tall was Jesus?”

FML

I hate to be the bear of bad news, but I think that you've got your work cut out for you. I know, I live with a lady who raises questions from obscure places.

AK99

Dominic said:

I had to suffer a dinner sitting next to a very pompous but badly educated idiot
After a fine 5 course working dinner he had become increasingly vocal to make himself sound important and impress two very eminent people who were hosting.......
He took it upon himself to stand up at the end and raise a toast them and their fine fayre by thanking them for the dinner and commenting that such fine food and wine left him feeling " very EFFLUENT "
He was totally obnoxious so myself and others pissed ourselves laughing without mercy

I had a not entirely dissimilar experience where the main man of a small Engineering company (also a part-time lay preacher) was holding forth and waxing lyrical about the evils of Trade Unions to a potential group of clients  - "No time or patience for them at all. To me they're just like ... a big octopus... spreading their testicles out anywhere they can to cause trouble".

Muffled cough, shuffling of feet..awkward silence ensued.

mudslide73

My wife and I intentionally use the Colin Grigson of Bad News pronunciation of "properly" (prolopy) for comedy effect. We sometimes forget and say it in front of people which can result in some odd looks. 

blobb

On a bus tour of an island in Italy, the (female) guide was keen to promote the natural hot springs. Unfortunately, although her English was excellent, the accent let her down. Her version of 'Hot Beach' turned into 'You weel 'ave a great time lying on the 'Ot Beetch'.

Cue sniggers from the 9 year old with us every time she mentioned the 'ot beetch'. And cue grown men trying to hold the guffaws in response to the 9yr old. Hilarious. She couldn't figure out why every time she told us about the 'ot beetch'  the male contingent lost it. Followed by a few tut's and nudges from their other halves.  

Jfingers

Mrs Fingers elderly parents have several, worst among them 'part and partial' it makes me cringe every time.

Her Mum calls Pizza Pisa after the leaning tower too. I could go on, but I seem to be developing a headache.

RocknRollDave

My other half once told me something was “right up my cup of tea.”