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"Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski
"Only two things are infinite - the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
If you use more than one wireless access point, then I hope you should be able to do what you want:
keep the provider's one for you - change the password, and add a second router set to work as just a wireless switch (DHCP stetings). I think you can still set filtering up on the second router. options. Also keeps all the slow wireless traffic off the wireless you are using
OpenDNS works on some routers, I have not read up on it
BT still provides the MacAfee parental software - which I installed on the PCs the kids use, but now to get it, they only give one license (if they have set it up the way they say), and you need to enable the ISP-level filtering first (although you can immediately set a custom option to disable all filtering)
Of course, the MacAfee software doesn't cover all the non-PC gadgets. You can install k9, etc on those, but a router-based solution may be good