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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    30hertz said:

    The other night in bed, my wife suddenly told me that I was the most unromantic man she had ever met.

    I was so amazed, I nearly dropped my kazoo.

    Pic of Kazoo below









    Image result for monkey in underwear

    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
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    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    edited May 2019
    * shouts*   Hoi, play a boy named Sioux



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    tae be or not tae be
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  • jacksparrowjacksparrow Frets: 673
    What's Purple and smells of Ginger?











    Fred Astair's Bellend.
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    What part of Popeye never gets rusty?

    The bit he sticks in Olive Oyl
    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    IMG
    tae be or not tae be
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
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  • 30hertz30hertz Frets: 41

    The other day I was chatting to a tailor, and he showed me a ledger in which he keeps a record of all the alterations he makes to mens' trousers.

    Well, I thought, there's a book for the turn-ups.

    ------------------------

    Two old fellas were chatting over the garden fence one day, one says "Here, the wife and I went to this lovely restaurant the other night, great food and quite cheap too".
    His neighbour says "Oh yes? Betty and I like a nice meal out, what was the place called?"
    First guy frowns. "Oh damn, what was it?" he says. Thinks for a moment. "Name of a flower. Nice smell. Not a lily."
    "Chrysanth?" offers his mate.
    "No," he says, "you buy them at the florist. Valentine's day and that."
    "Rose?" says his mate.
    The guy snaps his fingers. "Rose!" he says, "that's it."
    He turns to the house and calls, "HEY, ROSE! WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT WE WENT TO..?"

    ------------------------

    What do you get if you cross an elephant with a prostitute?

    A two ton pickup who does it for peanuts and never forgets you.

    ------------------------

    Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic, who lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog? 


    I'm not some sort of drug-taking alcoholic git.
    I'm just a git.

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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    IMG
    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    IMG
    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
    is that Art Garfunkel on the right
    tae be or not tae be
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  • AlexCAlexC Frets: 2396
    July 2016... Come what May!

    May 2018... Gone! What May?
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 4901
    AlexC said:
    July 2016... Come what May!

    May 2018... Gone! What May?
    <psst - it's 2019... >
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  • relic245relic245 Frets: 944
    Question for all the men on here.

    If you could choose between a wonderful wife who loved you for eternity or a new guitar of your choice which would it be?

    Single or double cut? 
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  • steveledzepsteveledzep Frets: 1172
    I have both.  What was the question ?
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  • blobbblobb Frets: 2914
    Image may contain 1 person smiling text that says When youve finished your current contract just in time for festival season
    Feelin' Reelin' & Squeelin'
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
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    tae be or not tae be
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    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
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    tae be or not tae be
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15924
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