Friday humour

BigBearKris

axisus said:

Dark Side of the Moon wasn't too bad...

Hootsmon

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jacksparrow

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AlexC

Son - Did you stand up to Mum like you said you would?
Dad - Of course, I did. She came crawling to me on her hands and knees.
Son - Wow! What did she say?
Dad - “Come out from under the bed and fight like a man.”

KRS

This was from another thread but it wasn't getting any love so I thought I'd give it the spotlight it deserves. Here is it.

Due to ill manners I'm having to sell off my entire guitar collection starting with this incredible workhouse.

I'm looking to sell a rare early eighties original American Custom Shop Heavy Metal Strat finished in black, in mint condition. Finished in all black with all black shark inlays this monolith of rock points to the stars of fame and fortune. Guaranteed to get you 'that' gig, you'll be rubbing the shoulders of the stars of today in just a few minutes. 

Featuring full shred pickups, faster frets and speed skills neck the setup on this thing can only be described as buttery. Or maybe jammy, with an aged, roasted-maple caramel. Thinking about it, its deffo buttery.

The whammy bar is state of the art mid eighties full cold steel, with a tri-floating patented modal tuned action, coated in 'completely black'  ultra metal hand polished absorption gunk. This thing will go down to infinity, and up a full semitone!

The body is solid Mahogany, aged in oat barrels for 3 three years before finally being shaped and sanded using state of the art saws and sandpaper. This is an extremely rare guitar, you will not see another that has been so properly sanded.

There is also a special custom paint job using tri-color super heavy very black, the only paint guaranteed to absorb almost anything. With rosewood fingerboard also covered in black, and black 'ultra black' faster inlays, you can enjoy the benefits of precise note choice and shredability. This extremely valuable piece of antiquity also benefits from a custom black extra metal graphic. You really have to see this  thing under stage lights to thoroughly appreciate its authenticity. 

Unplugged this guitar is quite dark sounding, with a slightly overdriven, modern edge. Plug into to any high gain amp and this thing totally lights up the room with darkness. Huge metal riffs from the depths of hell eminate from your hands as if you've been doing this kind of stuff all your life. Super fast speed licks fall from the sky in full range fury licked in sugary space schlock. Guaranteed to make you smile this thing will get from nought to sixty in a matter of seconds, with precise tonal accuracy and harmonic colour .

Oh yeah, and it's signed by Batman. In black, on the back, in custom tuned permanent marker.

Priced to sell your soul £666. Trades welcome. 

AlexC

There’s no pleasing some people. My wife said she wanted “some fifty shades of grey in the bedroom.” So I did what I could and now she’s complaining it looks like the interior of a submarine.

axisus

Hootsmon said:

Photoshop fail. It doesn't actually make sense as you would start with the C

Octafish

axisus said:

Hootsmon said:

Photoshop fail. It doesn't actually make sense as you would start with the C

Apparently it is genuine, but done deliberately....  https://www.arch2o.com/story-behind-college-architecture-planning-sign/

Not wanting to sound like a misery guts, but there are so many blatently fake photoshopped 'you won't believe what someone wrote/put up' signs/chalkboards images floating around the internet. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but surely the humour would be from them being genuine?

axisus

Hootsmon

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axisus

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