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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16253
    I was making love the other night with MrsTheWeary, whilst I know after many years together things can get a little stale in the bedroom all of a sudden:


    ”OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! YOU FILL ME UP! THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A REAL WOMAN!”


    Why I said that I’ll never know, really killed the mood. 
    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
    If anybody gets an email from me about tinned meat then don't open it.....





    ......its spam!
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
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    tae be or not tae be
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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 16253
    Lost my job as a zookeeper. Not my fault, there were signs all over the zoo saying Do Not Feed The Animals. 
    Tipton is a small fishing village in the borough of Sandwell. 
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 28280
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
    :):)


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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24601
    A Scotsman walks into a bar .. he looks around .. orders a drink and asks the barman where the Irishman, Welshman and Englishmen were. The barman told him they were in Japan watching the rugby. The Scotsman sat in the corner quietly drinking his pint feeling lonley.

    A short time later the Irishman walks in and orders a Guiness .. the Scotsman smiles 'At least there's two of us now' he said.

    'Drink up .. the Englishman will be back in a minute and its his round ... " said the Irishman.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • PhilW1PhilW1 Frets: 941
    munckee said:
    HAL9000 said:
    A duck walks into a puband orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

    The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

    "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

    "And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

    "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck. 


    "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

    "Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.


    "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

    "I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.  


    "I'm a plasterer."

    The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

    So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

    The same thing happens for two weeks.

    Then one day the circus comes to town.

    The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him


    "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

    "Sounds marvelous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. 


    "Get him to give me a call."

    So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

    "I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck.


    "Where is it?"

    "At the circus," Says the barman.

    "The circus?" Repeats the duck.

    "That's right," Replies the barman.

    "The circus?" The duck asks again.




    “”With the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies.

    "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

    "Of course," the barman replies.

    "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

    "That's right!" says the barman.

    The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ............



    Why would they need a plasterer?


    I have to say that is an absolute cracker, went down well in the pub last night.
    I thought it was a quacker too!
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  • droflufdrofluf Frets: 3615
    Fretwired said:
    A Scotsman walks into a bar .. he looks around .. orders a drink and asks the barman where the Irishman, Welshman and Englishmen were. The barman told him they were in Japan watching the rugby. The Scotsman sat in the corner quietly drinking his pint feeling lonley.

    A short time later the Irishman walks in and orders a Guiness .. the Scotsman smiles 'At least there's two of us now' he said.

    'Drink up .. the Englishman will be back in a minute and its his round ... " said the Irishman.
    And then a stranger walks in and pulls up a chair “g’day cobbers, I’ve just got into town”
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  • rawk100rawk100 Frets: 1757
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  • HootsmonHootsmon Frets: 15925
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