Friday humour

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

axisus

axisus

proggy

Hootsmon said:

I love that @Hootsmon . He's the image of my old bull terrier.

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

EricTheWeary

Just saw Micheal J Fox in the local garden centre

At least I think it was him - he had his back to the fuchsias.

TheMarlin

https://imgur.com/a/Nu7MwD4

p90fool

TheMarlin said:

https://imgur.com/a/Nu7MwD4

I had a Religious Instruction teacher when I was eleven who said exactly this when I asked why some people's prayers were not answered. 

Fretwired

Fretwired

Fretwired

An Englishman and a Scotsman walk into their local Greggs. The Englishman says "watch this" and proceeds to distract the staff while stuffing three Belgian buns in his pockets. Outside the store, he says to the Scotsman "that took a lot of balls and skill".

"Rubbish," says the Scotsman. "Watch this .."

The Scotsman walks back into the store with the Englishman and asks for the manager. He says "give me three Belgian buns and I'll show you an amazing magic trick" .. the staff gather round and the manager gives the Scotsman three buns which he proceeds to eat.

The manager looks perplexed and asks "where is the magic trick?"

The Scotsman replies "now look in the Englishman's pockets".

axisus

proggy

Being as it's Friday:

My beautiful psychiatrist has just diagnosed me as being a compulsive liar.

Then we had sex on her couch.

Hootsmon

Jimbro66

OK, corny joke time

In a far off tropical land there lived a tribal king who lived in a palace. Not a palace as we know them but one built of thatch and raised high above the ground on stilts, like all the other dwellings in his kingdom. Except his dwelling was much much bigger and in the middle of it was his enormous throne. The king spent most his time on that throne.

Then it came to his very special birthday and it was decided to hold a big party with all the tribe invited. His palace was ideal but the enormous throne was in the way. It was too big to pass through the door and in any case the building was high above the ground. Then someone had the idea to tie many ropes to it and haul it up to the rafters. It took a lot of effort but it was successful and the throne hung up high above to clear the floor. All the guests arrived and the party got into full swing with lots of stomping and hooting and hollering. Then there came an ominous creaking sound followed by loud cracking. Seconds later the throne crashed down, going straight through the floor and squelching a bunch of revellers. Disaster!




And the moral to the story is "People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones"

Hootsmon

Fretwired