Friday humour

TheMarlin

TheMarlin

mart

TheMarlin said:

My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time but as soon as I reached for her tit she screamed. 

axisus

Gandalph

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded Doctor’s waiting room and approached the desk. 

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied. 

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ' 

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' 

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied. 

proggy

I play in a prog rock band that performs to prisoners as they walk to the electric chair.

We're called Death Row Tull.

midlifecrisis

doctor told me i have to stop masturbating. i asked why?... because im trying to examine you.

proggy

There was a young man
from Cork, who got limericks
and haikus confused

Cacofonix

I overheard someone saying my house is haunted.

That’s ridiculous.  I’ve never seen a ghost and I’ve lived here for 150 years.

proggy

The world tongue-twister champion has been arrested and will appear in court tomorrow.

He's been told to expect a tough sentence. 

axisus

axisus

rogd

proggy

Why did the chicken hold a séance?

To get to the other side.

Kittyfrisk

HAL9000

proggy said:

Clip Clip Clip - Clop Clop Clop - Clip Clip Clip

SOS in Horse Code.

What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG! clip clop clip clop...?

An Amish drive-by shooting.

HAL9000

proggy said:

Why did the chicken hold a séance?

To get to the other side.

Actually this is the original meaning of the joke - it comes from a time when séances where more common and terms like ‘the other side’ were more widely used. A chicken crossing a road was likely to get killed and so the punchline had a double meaning (which has now pretty much disappeared).

monquixote

HAL9000 said:

proggy said:

Why did the chicken hold a séance?

To get to the other side.

Actually this is the original meaning of the joke - it comes from a time when séances where more common and terms like ‘the other side’ were more widely used. A chicken crossing a road was likely to get killed and so the punchline had a double meaning (which has now pretty much disappeared).

Mind... Blown.

the_jaffa

HAL9000 said:

proggy said:

Why did the chicken hold a séance?

To get to the other side.

Actually this is the original meaning of the joke - it comes from a time when séances where more common and terms like ‘the other side’ were more widely used. A chicken crossing a road was likely to get killed and so the punchline had a double meaning (which has now pretty much disappeared).

Bloody hell, the whole thing suddenly makes way more sense. That sound, if you heard it was the penny dropping from a very great height

TheMarlin