Friday humour

bertie

a wee bit late...............

guitars4you

bertie

^^ that's a wiz not a LOL   

proggy

No wind or rain forecast today.

The Met Office have advised everyone to make unnecessary journeys.

littlegreenman

Jonathangus

AK99

Haych

A trainee psychiatrist starts work at the asylum.  On his induction he is given a tour of the facility by the director of the asylum.  At the end of the tour the director says to him, "If there's anything you need to know then feel free to ask any time".

The young shrink pipes up, "Well, actually, I do have one question.  How do you know when a patient is well enough to leave the institution?"

The director replies, "Well, every year we evaluate the patients on the anniversary of their institutionalisation and ask them as simple question.  If they answer correctly we know they're well enough to return to life outside the asylum, but if they answer incorrectly they are required to spend a further 12 months here before they are reassessed.  Tell you what, I'll show you, we have some patients up for evaluation later today".

Later that day the rookie psychiatrist once again meets with the director of the asylum along with three patients who are due to be evaluated for release.

The director asks the first patient, "George, what's six times six?"

George replies, "Ummmm, a billion!"

"Sorry, George", answers the director, "We'll see you again in another year".

He then turns to the second patient, "Jenny, what's six times six?"

Jenny thinks and answers, "October!"

The director looks sad and says to Jenny, "Sorry but that's not correct, you'll need to spend another year here".

Next he turns to Tom, "Tom, what's six times six?"

Tom looks him straight in the eye and answers without hesitation, "36!"

"Excellent", beams the director, "we'll get your paperwork started immediately, you can go home this afternoon!"

A little later Tom is gathering his things ready to go home when the new psychiatrist sees him and pops his head in Tom's room.

"Hey, Tom", he says, "just out of curiosity, how did you know the answer to the question earlier was 36?"

"Oh, that's easy", answers Tom, "I just divided a billion by October!"

proggy

Dear Gillette,
Are you really 'The Best A Man Can Get' or do you just say it because it rhymes?
Please let me know.
Kind regards,
Nick, 'The Man With The Biggest Dick'

ESBlonde

proggy said:

Sporky said:

Maybe it's a red grouse wearing its party togs? It is a bit pheasant. 

Phouse?
Greasant? 

That's a pretty fowl joke.

Where did you pluck that from?

maltingsaudio

Might as well finish off 2023 with a bang!
Happy New Year all

proggy

ESBlonde said:

proggy said:

Sporky said:

Maybe it's a red grouse wearing its party togs? It is a bit pheasant. 

Phouse?
Greasant? 

That's a pretty fowl joke.

Where did you pluck that from?

Out of the air.

bertie

Kittyfrisk

Feck! Arse! 

munckee

Not a joke, but amused me, have just seen a busker playing a really nice piece on a classical guitar plugged into an amp.  Chap sneezed and raised his hands to his face and yet managed to continue to play the guitar with no hands.  

Now that's technique...

nero1701

Had similar in Ipswich Town centre then other day. 
Young girl and her minder, playing a backing track recording if some 90's love type songs with the girl making approximations of the words, sometimes in key, mostly not. 

Stratavarious

Saw an accordion playing busker recently operating the keys via telekinesis 

Emp_Fab

People like that should be shot.

The same with artists miming.

Haych

Emp_Fab said:

People like that should be shot.

The same with artists miming.

Haych

I'm getting a lot of emails about penis enlargement.  Sadly, they're mostly from my wife!