Friday humour

Jonathangus

Kittyfrisk

^ David Crosby played bass?

Tannin

Tannin

RandallFlagg

My Grandad was quite poorly in the weeks before he passed away so we covered his back in lard. He went downhill quickly after that.

Cols

Haych

A guy is woken up by frantic knocking at his front door early one morning. Bleary eyed, he makes his way downstairs and finds his best friend on his doorstep with a vacant smile in the dawn light, clearly worse for wear. 

“I need your help”, he slurred. “I got invited to this hopping party last night at a really exclusive home in a very posh neighbourhood. It was mad, I’m still so drunk, but I’ve lost my phone, my wallet and my keys at the party. Can you help me find them?”

”OK, but do you know where the house is?” His friend replies. 

“No, man, I’m too drunk to recall much. I just know it was in a really exclusive part of town, massive house, oh, and get this, they had a gold toilet!” He giggled. 

So the drunk man’s friend agrees to drive him round the posh estates to see if he recalled anything. 

They get to a really nice street and the drunk man thinks it looks familiar but can’t recall which house it was. They decide the best thing to do is go house to house and ask the owners if they have a gold toilet. They reason there can’t be too many gold toilets even in a rich neighbourhood. 

The first few doors they ask and no, nobody has a gold toilet. The next door the owner tells them that if they don’t leave immediately they will call the police. Still no luck. 

Then they get to a really big house, everything is immaculate. They knock on the door and a middle aged lady answers. 

“This is a really strange question, but you don’t happen to have a gold toilet, do you?” The drunk man’s friend asks. 

The woman looks at them both and her eyes pause for a moment on the drunk man. She then looks over her shoulder and shouts back into the house, “Ray, it’s the guy that shit in your tuba!”

Kittyfrisk

As it seems to be Manchester week ;-)

sev112

I hear TicketMaster are doubling their IT staff tomorrow to deal with massive rush for the Oasis tickets 

They’ll both have to sit at the same desk and computer however 

Tannin

Kittyfrisk

rogd

CavemanGrogg

It's not wrong if you listen to the lyrics, the Skywalker family is kind of really ''redneck''.

Kittyfrisk

OK, which of you was this? :-D

Danny1969

^
Shouldn't that read "so please bear this in mind" not "bare'` ...  

Danny1969

JohnS37

Danny1969 said:

Ooh, vicious!

snowblind

Danny1969 said:

^
Shouldn't that read "so please bear this in mind" not "bare'` ...  

Exactly right. Someone needs to report Notts police to the Queen's English Campaign.

Although they themselves ought to be considering a rebranding now.

stufisher

Shouldn't that be King's English ?

motorhead

So, the real reason Johnny Marr vetoed a Smiths reunion is a capo can't be got.