Friday humour

GoFish

Haych

Haych

Cols

Turns out that H.P. Lovecraft predicted Rage Against The Machine.

FX_Munkee

Which reminds me of this

HAL9000

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls back to sleep.

A few hours later, he is awakened by George Washington's ghost. Trump asks "how can I make America great again?"
Washington replies "I would suggest you never tell a lie", which infuriates Trump. He screams for his bodyguards but Washington is already gone.

Around 3 in the morning, he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Again, he asks "how can I make America great again?". Lincoln thinks for a bit and says "go to the theater"

Gandalph

Kittyfrisk

Supermarket consumer support team tries new approach.

drofluf

I was having my first skydiving experience today. This man strapped himself to me, then we jumped out of the plane. As we plummeted downwards, he said, "so mate, how long have you been an instructor?"

Sporky

Tannin

Some wisdom from Australia.

axisus

A man and his wife are out walking one day when they spot a bloke sitting alone in a bus shelter on the other side of the road

‘That looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury over there," says the woman.’ ‘Go and ask him if he is.’

The husband crosses the road and asks the man if he is indeed the Archbishop of Canterbury.

‘Fuck off,’ says the man.

The husband crosses back to his wife who asks: ‘What did he say? Is he the Archbishop of Canterbury?’

‘He told me to fuck off,’ says the husband.

 'Oh no,’ replies the wife, ‘now we’ll never know.’

  

The late great Barry Cryer.

GoFish

GoFish

GoFish

FX_Munkee

axisus

Tannin

Kittyfrisk

GoFish