Ignorance is not bliss.

beed84

Against my own will I joined Facebook again.  My mates at uni badgered me to do it, explaining that it'd be soooo much easier to communicate with me when there are group announcements etc.  Surrendering to an idea that actually made sense, I agreed to do so.

So I tentatively created an account through gritted teeth.  I added one photo and requested certain friends from uni, mainly those on my course.  I made the decision not to add friends outside uni due to 1) I don't like it anyway and 2) the only reason I joined again was specifically for uni. 

Moving on, the way I use it is merely to communicate. I don't post nonsensical or irrelevant material (I have this forum for that (anonymity is much safer)) and I don't upload pictures of myself for everyone to see.

Anyway, recently, I was communicating with a particular friend who I get on very well with about meeting up over the holidays. This was agreed last week or so and as yet it hasn't happened . She said she was busy and this week (which has almost completely passed) would be better. When I noticed she was online earlier tonight, I got in touch, via Facebook, asking "no pressure, but are you okay to meet next week?"

Nothing.

I left it, and thought she'll get back to me when she's ready.

However, because of the God forbidden news feed, I couldn't help but notice that she'd been posting comments on other peoples walls etc after I asked her a relatively simple question.

Now I know I'm not special, but to me that's just plain rude.  It takes two seconds to answer a question. Yes, no, maybe, I'll get back to you... I don't care. Just answer the question so I'm not left hanging wondering what's going on!  It's polite. (And I wouldn't mind, she suggested we go for a coffee, then go to hers for a jam, and also if I could restring her guitar for her.)

My point is that ignorance really grinds my gears and I can't stand it when people do it so blatantly. Do people not know what this >?< means? It's a syntactical symbol we all learnt when were bloody kids.

I genuinely despise Facebook for all its worth and wish I hadn't caved in.  Ignorance was bliss when I didn't have it.  Oh the irony.

Rant over.  I'm going to listen to Sepultura in peace then watch Corrie.

underdog

An honest question, if this was a bloke you had messaged and he'd not replied yet would you be so annoyed?

beed84

Good question.  Possibly, possibly not.

Granted, she is an attractive lass, very fanciable, and I get on well with her.  Perhaps that has something to do with my annoyance. But it's more to do with the principle of being ignored, especially as I hold her in high esteem.  Maybe I'm sort of disappointed.

CabbageCat

I reckon:

You are hiding your disappointment with unjustified anger. If she had said no you would probably find something else to be grumpy about.

She doesn't owe you a reaction. Acting like she does is ruder than her refusal to provide one.

Paul_C

I've occasionally clicked on a new message and, knowing that if they check the message it will be marked as having been seen (along with the time it was read) had to reply there and then despite sometimes not really having the time, because otherwise it'll look like I'm being rude (though occasionally I have left it until later )

underdog

So this issue isn't Facebook (which I hate myself) but the aged old problem of "bloody women"

John_P

I'd be more inclined to blame her for being rude than Facebook.   Save your energy for someone who deserves it.   She knows that you know she read your message and still chose not to reply - maybe she is thinking she'll reply later and arrange something for the weekend though? 

With things like this we all get used to instant replies whereas with a txt, we can take our time thinking of a suitable reply.

 (I'm avoiding any typical woman playing the game of being more attractive by holding back a reply type comment),  

Sambostar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gmKNidnujg

beed84

CabbageCat said:

I reckon:

You are hiding your disappointment with unjustified anger. If she had said no you would probably find something else to be grumpy about.

She doesn't owe you a reaction. Acting like she does is ruder than her refusal to provide one.

You're right, she doesn't owe me anything, and I don't expect her to.  However, I'm venting my annoyance here, not towards her; I never would.  Also, answering an appropriate question when someone asks is simple politeness.  Also, if she had said no, I'd probably be disappointed but at least I'd know and could get on with other stuff, make other plans etc.

Paul_C said:

I've occasionally clicked on a new message and, knowing that if they check the message it will be marked as having been seen (along with the time it was read) had to reply there and then despite sometimes not really having the time, because otherwise it'll look like I'm being rude (though occasionally I have left it until later )

Yeah, that's partly the issue, knowing that the message has been read.  She has hers set where it doesn't show up whether its been read or not but as with all my friends, I can see she's whether she's online or not.  There is always the possibility that she hasn't got the message but it's unlikely.

I dunno.  I'll get over it.  No doubt she'll get in touch later.

beed84

underdog said:

So this issue isn't Facebook (which I hate myself) but the aged old problem of "bloody women"

Yep, pretty much.

beed84

John_P said:

I'd be more inclined to blame her for being rude than Facebook.   Save your energy for someone who deserves it.   She knows that you know she read your message and still chose not to reply - maybe she is thinking she'll reply later and arrange something for the weekend though? 

With things like this we all get used to instant replies whereas with a txt, we can take our time thinking of a suitable reply.

 (I'm avoiding any typical woman playing the game of being more attractive by holding back a reply type comment),  

Thanks for this.  I'm beginning to simmer down now. 

guitarfishbay

My view on this is phone conversations > FB.

Whenever someone wants to arrange something I just call them because FB just becomes a damn faff and some people get flakey or forgetful when they don't have to make a decision or commitment on the spot. I just can't be arsed otherwise, it is too passive and slow via messaging.

I'd have got her number to arrange as soon as there was semi concrete discussion going on, called her and then sorted it out. I'd do the exact same with a guy mate too. In fact all my good mates now don't message me they just call now, otherwise as soon as I read the text I'd call anyway and leave a voicemail if they don't answer. Ironically with several thousand forum posts I hate texting. I only chat to bandmates on FB or have non time critical conversations like rambling music discussions. Doing anything meaningful via FB has too much scope for misinterpretation or disappointment, and is often just slower than chatting on the phone.

Anyway who needs FB when we've got tFB right here.

Sambostar

But seriously, I hate it when people ask me something and that when I don't reply they accuse me of being rude. 

Selfish bastards have such high expectation of others, so it's usually all about them.

Why should I be committed to respond to anything, just because I have had the so called 'Privilege' of someone's 'Gesture' of  contacting me?

This sort of stuff, it pisses me off to be honest and I hate that of 'Friends' and especially of others calling favours.  Especially because I'm in business and people I am not friends with, nor make no money from call me for a unpaid favour and then get the hump if I don't call them back within the hour when they have done arse all for me, or worse, in their minds they think that just be gracing me with their presence is enough to reap a week's work for free in return.

And I'm patient, nice and always willing to help out.

Why do people have to read into something that is not there.  Maybe she just couldn't be arsed to reply to you particularly, because she was concentrating on something else.  Maybe you are expecting too much, why it has anything to do with her at all is beyond me.

Why does everyone take everything so personally these days.

I'd let it go and stop being such a mentalist.  It's her right to do exactly the fuck she wants to do.  Don't take it so furking personally.

I expect nothing of people and I'm happy.  Certainly got better things to do that second guess people and live in a world of make believe.  Well not that much better things to do, but

dafuzz

Leave it a week. Message something like "Just met your twin! Uncanny". DO NOT ASK HER OUT. Await response. Halve the time it took her to repond and message again. DO NOT ASK HER OUT. Keep it light and fun. After about 5 messages each, talk about something cool you're doing the next day - guitar shopping is perfect. DNAHO. If she expresses an interest say something like "come if you want - meet you at (place) at (time)". At any time she might just stop responding, return to square one.

No first response? Leave it a fortnight. Message another random but intriguing message. Not a question. DNAHO. Await response. Etc etc.

Keep chasing other women with similar tactics all the while.

beed84

^

Very wise words indeed.  I'll let a few days pass, and if I've still not heard anything, I'll give her a ring. 

Sambostar

I went down to the supermarket and asked the girl who I'd never seen before to have sex with me on the bar code reader right there at 4 in the afternoon.  Well, would you believe it, she wouldn't even make any response or even have the good grace to look me in the eye.  People are just sooooo rude these days.  What a bitch eh.

People are nuts.

Another thing that pisses me off is when people take your natural kind and patience and caring manner and helpfulness for friendship. 

I'd be friends with everyone, but that's not the point.

Paul_C

beed84 said:

^

Very wise words indeed.  I'll let a few days pass, and if I've still not heard anything, I'll give her a ring. 

don't spend too much on it though, or you'll look desperate.

beed84

Sambostar said:

I went down to the supermarket and asked the girl who I'd never seen before to have sex with me on the bar code reader right there at 4 in the afternoon.  Well, would you believe it, she wouldn't even make any response or even have the good grace to look me in the eye.  People are just sooooo rude these days.  What a bitch eh.

People are nuts.

I'm not surprised. The level of inappropriateness in that instance is off the scale.  You're lucky you didn't get slapped. 

jellyroll

Not joining Facebook ("because it's for saddos") is part of the problem. Like it or not, it exists. And it's how many, many people communicate. If you don't join, you don't learn the rules and norms. Then when you do attempt to use it, you trip up.

Sambostar

I refuse to think through someone else's platform of expression.

If you take the barcode sticker off a duster pan in the household goods section and stick it on your knob, you can stand at the cashier's  with your knob out going 'Beep, Beep, beep', whilst looking at them solemnly.

richardhomer

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

I'm a single parent and am therefore limited when it comes to going out.

I don't have 400,000 FB friends - in fact there is only one person on there who is a 'friend' who I haven't met. There are some nights (like when the Brits were on a few weeks ago) where it provided much amusement, with various people having a pop at whoever was performing at the time - which was great to be a part of. Frankly I'd have just turned it off - it was the commentary going on around it which provided the entertainment.

But what it does create for me, is sense of intimacy with people on there who I interact with a lot - which is confined to the 'virtual' world - to the point where the person I have the most exchanges with - I haven't actually seen in real life for about two years - and we were colleagues then - we've never actually been 'friends', if that makes sense.

I regularly deactivate my account for a couple of weeks, because I actually find myself checking it almost addictively on my phone. And I think it's probably true to say I deliberately cultivate a persona on FB - I always try to post something amusing - which I do here also. And it's actually quite tiring - I know I'm less amusing in day-to-day life - but it's surprising how a 'like' (or in deed a 'Lol') can be self-affirming when you feel low.

I suspect if I had more freedom to socialise, I'd probably hardly use it - and probably would only check in on here once a week or so.

Someone told me that obesity is this generation's smoking. In truth I think the addition to cyber-relationships is far more insidious....