thought i'd share this with you

Hootsmon

went for a pre admission consultation prior to an impending op,you know the kind of stuff they run by you,ECG,BP, weight and so on...

so the nurse (in her 50s) says "I have to test you for MRSA" so she comes at me with a large cotton bud which she painlessly inserts into my nasal cavity, my beak.

"now I have to test your Perineum area" she chortles.

"eh?" says I, "my wots it?"

"the area between your scrotum and anus"

"oh fuck" thought I.......I didnae see this one coming, never knew It had a name...

"just drop your pants and trousers ,bend over, and put your hands on that bed"

so nurse Johnson (I have named her after the lovely cotton bud) proceeds to run the cotton bud along my Perineum *sigh*

the rather lengthy cotton bud will now be a regular item on our weekly shoppin' list

so for any of you guys going in for some sort of op this is what you can expect...they don't tell you on the pre admission form, but I just thought I'd run it by you

Louis Pasteur

 

 

Hootsmon

oh P.S., she informed me I would have the same procedure on the day before the op.

on this occasion I shall be more prepared and will be sure to have had my bowel movement  the day before the MRSA test

[Deleted User]

Free gooch-play on the NHS?

I feckin' LOVE that institution!

chillidoggy

Are you sure it wasn't a wind-up? I just had my pre-admission last week, and I never got that lucky. The nurse stuck the cotton bud up my nose and armpit. It was all very clinical, with no hint of your no-doubt sexually-charged experience.

mike_l

I've had nose, armpit and back of my neck. The nurse who did it (who I know from (ahem) outside of her work) felt embarrassed to do the groin area. 

Deadman

hootsmon said:

"

"the area between your scrotum and anus"

 

 

Oh, your barse. Why didn't she just say so!?

Hootsmon

chillidoggy said:

Are you sure it wasn't a wind-up? I just had my pre-admission last week, and I never got that lucky. The nurse stuck the cotton bud up my nose and armpit. It was all very clinical, with no hint of your no-doubt sexually-charged experience.

I am gonna take a leaf outta your book and ask for the armpit method ..............AND the arse

littlegreenman

Had 2 lots of surgery in the last 18 months. Perineal swab for MRSA both times.

Hootsmon

are you a carrier of MRSA?

Hootsmon

TBH it's no bother at all when you have ops on your mind

Hootsmon

total hip replacement coming up.....wanted epidural so I would be awake for op but it looks unlikely due to the damage to the discs in my spine....so they are gonna have to knock me out.....shit!

 

I so wanted to hear the drilling, sawing, buffing, screwing of screws, dislocation of bones and hammering, or I coulda took a sedative with the epidural and listened to the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON throughout the op,cool  

chillidoggy

Are you SURE the nurse was a "she"?

Hootsmon

  ^  most definitely.......a male nurse woulda said "the Perineum is the bit between yer arsehole and yer baws.......ducky" 

 

chillidoggy

I always thought that area was known as the "Cosif", or the "Stinkbridge". Cosif it wasn't there your guts would fall out. Stinkbridge for obvious reasons.

Longtallronnie

Last time I was in hospital I had four fingers up the bum. All hell broke loose when they found out I'm not a real doctor.

 

Ps Good luck with the op.

holnrew

When you have a fissure and a digital penetration is required... ouch

Hootsmon

chillidoggy said:

Are you sure it wasn't a wind-up? I just had my pre-admission last week, and I never got that lucky. The nurse stuck the cotton bud up my nose and armpit. It was all very clinical, with no hint of your no-doubt sexually-charged experience.

2nd MRSA test today and asked nurse about her technique......they (the tests) are all gonna be done this way very soon. New rules.

so if yer going in for an op soon prepare tae hiv yer baws scraped.....Muhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa  haaa

 

 

chillidoggy

Sounds like a valid reason for full independence to me.