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"Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski
"Only two things are infinite - the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
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Just looking at the basics, it sounds like you have a good band, good musicians and if the personnel are ok people and you get along, you've probably got more going for you than most bands. However, it does need to be fun and maybe the IEM set-up is putting you all under unnecessary stress. I've no experience of IEMs and whilst I can see how useful they could be, do they "remove" something from the live experience or restrict you?
As to the crowds you're playing to, are they regular gigs (pubs etc) or functions? You could sign up with an entertainment agency which might steer you away from rowdy crowds although playing functions doesn't always guarantee that and you do lose an element of control over the places and types of event you play if you've got an over-enthusiastic promoter, but it might be worth a try.
I, too, have family restrictions like probably quite a few of the folks here so the limited amount of time that you have to offer up is important but this is your thing and your time. I think you'd miss it terribly if you stopped. You're too much of a good player and enthusiast to hang up your guitar and despite wanting to take your "Nile Rogers forum tag", I think you should sit tight.
I hope it all works out for you matey
When I want to fuck my band off, I have to force myself to remember how shit previous bands have been.
I quit
and then, when you re asked to reconsider, just reply to each person who asks you to reconsider: "Thanks but I don't want to discuss it".
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
He's a local lad (Bury way), built like a brick outhouse, a super nice guy and great technical knowledge. He used to mix my 8 piece soul band for the last couple of years it existed. I built and owned the rig but found it easy to hand over to Gav once he'd quickly proven he knew what he was doing. I'd have him in an instant if I needed someone, he brings plenty to the party and enabled me to relax and enjoy the gig far more than I had for years.